Having a small wedding, then a big celebration on another day

achaney730 · November 2013

My fiancé and i talked about having a small catholic ceremony early next year, his mother is currently ill and will likely not be at our wedding. If she does live that long, she may not be mentally there. We were talking about doing a catholic ceremony with just our parents and siblings early next year. We already have a venue and a date picked out, our bridal party has been picked out(which is mainly family). We knew it was a possibility his mom would not be at our wedding, but we never thought she would be going so quickly. Is it wrong of us to have a small ceremony now and then have a bigger celebration later in the year?

OliveOilsMom · November 2013

achaney730 said:

My fiancé and i talked about having a small catholic ceremony early next year, his mother is currently ill and will likely not be at our wedding. If she does live that long, she may not be mentally there. We were talking about doing a catholic ceremony with just our parents and siblings early next year. We already have a venue and a date picked out, our bridal party has been picked out(which is mainly family). We knew it was a possibility his mom would not be at our wedding, but we never thought she would be going so quickly. Is it wrong of us to have a small ceremony now and then have a bigger celebration later in the year?

I don't think your plan is wrong, just make sure that when you have your big party later, that you don't have a fake re-do of your wedding ceremony. Maybe display some images from the day around the room. You should also remove all the trappings of a typical reception, like the first dance, garter/bouquet toss, etc.

AroundTheBlock · November 2013

Having a small wedding now to accommodate your future mother-in-law's health is a kind and loving idea. It absolutely is not wrong. I am sorry that you two have to face such sorrow at a time when most brides are filled with happiness.

By all means have a celebratory party later. Hosting parties is also a generous and kind thing to do. You are giving entertainment and food and companionship to all your guests, treating them with honour and respect as is due from a host to a guest -- these are all good things. There are very few etiquette differences between a wedding reception held the day of the wedding, and a reception held on its own.

You can still wear a lovely gown: whether you are a bride on her wedding day or celebrating months later, your dress can be any colour you want and should be appropriate to the time of day and type of party. To whit, bride or not, you shouldn't wear a ball-gown to a tea or an evening sheath to church, but that still leaves considerable scope for beautiful gowns.
You can have a fancy three-tier cake for any party you want, but the ceremonial "first meal" where the bride and groom feed each other is de trop when you are already married. Of course, it really is de trop when the "bride" and "groom" have been living together and cooking for one another for the last six years, too.
You can have dancing and a band (or DJ, or iPod) and the host and hostess (that would be you guys) can "open the floor" by dancing the first dance of the evening -- it just will not be the first dance of your married lives. Or, maybe it will be -- it depends how often you go dancing, I guess.
As hosts you can have a receiving line and greet your guests at the entrance to the hall. If you have guests of honour -- your best friends who would otherwise have been your bridal party, perhaps? -- they can stand with you at the receiving line to be introduced to your guests. If you do not have a receiving line you still have to circulate and greet all your guests as they arrive: a "grand entrance" to your waiting subjects is appropriate only if you are a head-of-state (it is not appropriate for brides on their wedding day, either.)

In short, enjoy your meaningful church marriage. Later, enjoy hosting your celebratory party. And may you both be very happy.

photokitty · November 2013

AroundTheBlock said:

You can still wear a lovely gown: whether you are a bride on her wedding day or celebrating months later, your dress can be any colour you want and should be appropriate to the time of day and type of party. To whit, bride or not, you shouldn't wear a ball-gown to a tea or an evening sheath to church, but that still leaves considerable scope for beautiful gowns.

People disagree on this bullet point. There is a large camp that says it is perfectly fine to wear the gown you wore in the wedding itself, regardless of if it is a big ball gown.

I hate to say this in such a sorrowful time, but are the two of you sure his mom wants you to move the wedding up? You could consider having a ring blessing with her instead. I'm sure your priest could discuss options with you.

I'm so sorry you are all in this difficult situation and I will keep all of you in my prayers. GL!

tammym1001 · November 2013

photokitty said:

AroundTheBlock said:

You can still wear a lovely gown: whether you are a bride on her wedding day or celebrating months later, your dress can be any colour you want and should be appropriate to the time of day and type of party. To whit, bride or not, you shouldn't wear a ball-gown to a tea or an evening sheath to church, but that still leaves considerable scope for beautiful gowns.

People disagree on this bullet point. There is a large camp that says it is perfectly fine to wear the gown you wore in the wedding itself, regardless of if it is a big ball gown.

I hate to say this in such a sorrowful time, but are the two of you sure his mom wants you to move the wedding up? You could consider having a ring blessing with her instead. I'm sure your priest could discuss options with you.

I'm so sorry you are all in this difficult situation and I will keep all of you in my prayers. GL!

I don't think that a priest would do a ring blessing over their wedding rings when they aren't married yet.

misssunshine17 · November 2013

scribe95 said:

This is a tough spot you find yourselves in. I'm sorry for that.

There is nothing wrong with having a private marriage ceremony with just a few family members there. And you can have a party at some other time to "celebrate."

What you can't have later is a wedding because you are already married. No ceremony at all. No bridal party. No wedding dress, tossing the garter etc.

But I get the feeling from your post you want the "true" wedding feeling later with everyone around. I don't think you can have both.

This. Unfortunately, you can't have both. This really sucks, but it's the truth. You can't have two weddings without a divorce in the middle. What you can have is a kick ass party without the 'wedding' stuff after. Your guests will completely understand, should this be the route you go.

photokitty · November 2013

tammym1001 said:

photokitty said:

AroundTheBlock said:

You can still wear a lovely gown: whether you are a bride on her wedding day or celebrating months later, your dress can be any colour you want and should be appropriate to the time of day and type of party. To whit, bride or not, you shouldn't wear a ball-gown to a tea or an evening sheath to church, but that still leaves considerable scope for beautiful gowns.

People disagree on this bullet point. There is a large camp that says it is perfectly fine to wear the gown you wore in the wedding itself, regardless of if it is a big ball gown.

I hate to say this in such a sorrowful time, but are the two of you sure his mom wants you to move the wedding up? You could consider having a ring blessing with her instead. I'm sure your priest could discuss options with you.

I'm so sorry you are all in this difficult situation and I will keep all of you in my prayers. GL!

I don't think that a priest would do a ring blessing over their wedding rings when they aren't married yet.

I don't see why not, the priest blesses the rings during the ceremony before the couple is married. At the very least you could do a ring warming. It's best to explore options rather than just assume there aren't any. GL!

cowgirl8238 · November 2013

In my opinion you can only "get married" once. Meaning if you want to have a small and more private ceremony followed by cake and punch/nice dinner out then do such. You can also have the big celebration afterwards with all of your friends and families, just make sure this second party isn't a wedding re-do.

I would say no to the wedding dress (although not everyone will say such), no "wedding" cake, no boquet and garter toss, no Wedding Party, no "first's" as you're already married and most importantly no fake ceremony. A party can be thrown at any point and you can most certainly have good food and hire the DJ and all. You can get nice centerpieces and have a grand meal. You can also place some nice pictures from your wedding on a table in the entry way.

I am sorry you are going through a rough time, and I hope that everything will work out. good luck!

doeydo · November 2013

scribe95 said:

This is a tough spot you find yourselves in. I'm sorry for that.

There is nothing wrong with having a private marriage ceremony with just a few family members there. And you can have a party at some other time to "celebrate."

What you can't have later is a wedding because you are already married. No ceremony at all. No bridal party. No wedding dress, tossing the garter etc.

But I get the feeling from your post you want the "true" wedding feeling later with everyone around. I don't think you can have both.

This ^
I am sorry, but you can't get married twice. It is fine to have a small wedding now and a party to celebrate later, but it will not be a second wedding.

southernbelle0915 · November 2013

I'm really sorry to hear about your FI's mother.

You can get married whenever you want. If you want to do it now so that his mom can be there, sounds good! If you want to do a celebration later on, that sounds good! BUT - if you go this route, the celebration should NOT resemble a wedding since no one is getting married. No ceremony, no attendants, no "first" dances, no cake cutting, no big white dress, etc. What you CAN do is throw an awesome party with catering, a DJ, centerpieces, etc. It's just that when you start to add the wedding elements, it starts to turn into a "fake wedding" type event. KWIM?

If you want the whole affair with attendants and your big white dress, I would just wait. It'll be hard that his mom may not be there, but unfortunately, it's a tough adult decision that you'll have to make.

AroundTheBlock · November 2013

photokitty said:
.... There is a large camp that says it is perfectly fine to wear the gown you wore in the wedding itself, regardless of if it is a big ball gown.

It is perfectly fine to wear the same gown that you wore to the wedding. My mother wore her "wedding dress" to church every Sunday for the first few impoverished years of her marriage -- admittedly, she was leaving church at the time that her plans for the rest of her life suddenly changed and she eloped with Dad, so her "wedding" dress was also her perfectly church-appropriate Sunday-best.

My argument was that, bride or no bride, the place for a ballgown is at a ball, and ballgowns are inappropriate at church. Friends and family will forgive a bride nearly any faux pas, and dressing inappropriately is among the most harmless of faux pas, but that doesn't make it appropriate. However, assuming that your wedding dress was actually suitable for the situation, it is also suitable for any other event of the same level of formality held at the same time of day.

mysticl · November 2013

photokitty said:

tammym1001 said:

photokitty said:

AroundTheBlock said:

You can still wear a lovely gown: whether you are a bride on her wedding day or celebrating months later, your dress can be any colour you want and should be appropriate to the time of day and type of party. To whit, bride or not, you shouldn't wear a ball-gown to a tea or an evening sheath to church, but that still leaves considerable scope for beautiful gowns.

People disagree on this bullet point. There is a large camp that says it is perfectly fine to wear the gown you wore in the wedding itself, regardless of if it is a big ball gown.

I hate to say this in such a sorrowful time, but are the two of you sure his mom wants you to move the wedding up? You could consider having a ring blessing with her instead. I'm sure your priest could discuss options with you.

I'm so sorry you are all in this difficult situation and I will keep all of you in my prayers. GL!

I don't think that a priest would do a ring blessing over their wedding rings when they aren't married yet.

I don't see why not, the priest blesses the rings during the ceremony before the couple is married. At the very least you could do a ring warming. It's best to explore options rather than just assume there aren't any. GL!

That blessing is part of the marriage ceremony, it is no where near the same thing as having the rings blessed months prior to the wedding. The Catholic church is very inflexible when it comes to how to perform a marriage. Their "options" are along the lines of you can have reading A or reading B, prayer A or prayer B, musical selection A or musical selection B.

tammym1001 · November 2013

@mysticl - Thank you! I was just getting ready to respond to that. The Catholic church has very strict rules regarding marriage and they are not flexible about it. The rings being blessed at the beginning of a wedding ceremony is very different from blessing rings for a wedding that isn't taking place for months. When they bless the rings, they are essentially blessing the marriage that the rings represent. Without a marriage, there isn't any reason to bless the inanimate object.

photokitty · November 2013

I'm Catholic and it depends from parish to parish how inflexible they are about a lot of things. My priest is very flexible and I'm sure he would find some option that would work within the confines of the Catholic church and it's teachings.

It's really not helpful when people shoot down suggestions and don't offer any instead. You never know unless you ask!

OP, talk to your priest and see what options he can offer if you decide not to move the wedding mass up.

erinbethp · November 2013

I think this is a great idea. People who know you (that would be invited to the wedding) will understand why you did it this way and probably appreciate the fact that you are even having a separate reception to include them.

We are also having a small ceremony with just family one day and then a larger reception/party the next day. We decided on this as we both are from different countries and because of that the groom won't have many people there (getting married in my hometown but we both live abroad) and we thought it would be awkward to have a bunch of my family and friends and then just his parents. We also felt that a wedding is so personal that we wanted to keep it small. We then are having the party to include other family members and friends and will have a dinner or something when we return to the UK with his family and some of our friends here. We have just been really upfront about what we are doing and why we are doing it this way and have gotten a lot of support and encouragement. I would hope that you would as well! And if anyone complains, well then whatever to them.

erinbethp · November 2013

Also... I don't see why you can't wear your dress to a later reception. I say you paid enough for it (most likely...) so why not? If you want to then do it.

AroundTheBlock · November 2013

Schatzi13 said:

I... it would not involve wedding things like tossing a bouquet or having a cake cutting....

Actually, it is perfectly proper to ceremonially cut a fancy cake -- and then serve it to your guests. As hosts, you would then serve yourselves last. It is the symbolic first meal, not the cake-cutting, that is a wedding "thing".

Jen4948 · November 2013

doeydo said:

scribe95 said:

This is a tough spot you find yourselves in. I'm sorry for that.

There is nothing wrong with having a private marriage ceremony with just a few family members there. And you can have a party at some other time to "celebrate."

What you can't have later is a wedding because you are already married. No ceremony at all. No bridal party. No wedding dress, tossing the garter etc.

But I get the feeling from your post you want the "true" wedding feeling later with everyone around. I don't think you can have both.

This ^
I am sorry, but you can't get married twice. It is fine to have a small wedding now and a party to celebrate later, but it will not be a second wedding.

I agree.

I'm very sorry about your FMIL being ill. I don't see why you can't have a small wedding now and a celebration later. But the later celebration will not be your "wedding," and it shouldn't have the elements of a wedding, like the dress, cake, registry, attendants, etc. If those things matter to you, then as sad as it will be not to have your FMIL there, you should wait. You can still do things at a future wedding to honor her memory, like wearing or carrying something associated with her, providing food, drink, decorations, and entertainment she would have enjoyed, and giving her a tribute in a wedding program if you have one.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2013

photokitty said:

AroundTheBlock said:

You can still wear a lovely gown: whether you are a bride on her wedding day or celebrating months later, your dress can be any colour you want and should be appropriate to the time of day and type of party. To whit, bride or not, you shouldn't wear a ball-gown to a tea or an evening sheath to church, but that still leaves considerable scope for beautiful gowns.

People disagree on this bullet point. There is a large camp that says it is perfectly fine to wear the gown you wore in the wedding itself, regardless of if it is a big ball gown.

I hate to say this in such a sorrowful time, but are the two of you sure his mom wants you to move the wedding up? You could consider having a ring blessing with her instead. I'm sure your priest could discuss options with you.

I'm so sorry you are all in this difficult situation and I will keep all of you in my prayers. GL!

Count me in this camp. I really don't see anything wrong with wearing your wedding dress again, and having your husband dress up again, but that's pretty much my limit for these parties or receptions that significantly follow the actual wedding day.

Just don't have a 2nd ceremony, don't have a wedding party, don't do any spotlight dances, don't make a big to do of cutting the cake, etc.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2013

AroundTheBlock said:

photokitty said:
.... There is a large camp that says it is perfectly fine to wear the gown you wore in the wedding itself, regardless of if it is a big ball gown.

It is perfectly fine to wear the same gown that you wore to the wedding. My mother wore her "wedding dress" to church every Sunday for the first few impoverished years of her marriage -- admittedly, she was leaving church at the time that her plans for the rest of her life suddenly changed and she eloped with Dad, so her "wedding" dress was also her perfectly church-appropriate Sunday-best.
My argument was that, bride or no bride, the place for a ballgown is at a ball, and ballgowns are inappropriate at church. Friends and family will forgive a bride nearly any faux pas, and dressing inappropriately is among the most harmless of faux pas, but that doesn't make it appropriate. However, assuming that your wedding dress was actually suitable for the situation, it is also suitable for any other event of the same level of formality held at the same time of day.

Have you seen modern wedding dresses lately? A lot of them are gorgeous ball gowns. And a lot of women get married in church in them.

WildMagelet · November 2013

AroundTheBlock said:

photokitty said:

.... There is a large camp that says it is perfectly fine to wear the gown you wore in the wedding itself, regardless of if it is a big ball gown.

It is perfectly fine to wear the same gown that you wore to the wedding. My mother wore her "wedding dress" to church every Sunday for the first few impoverished years of her marriage -- admittedly, she was leaving church at the time that her plans for the rest of her life suddenly changed and she eloped with Dad, so her "wedding" dress was also her perfectly church-appropriate Sunday-best.

My argument was that, bride or no bride, the place for a ballgown is at a ball, and ballgowns are inappropriate at church. Friends and family will forgive a bride nearly any faux pas, and dressing inappropriately is among the most harmless of faux pas, but that doesn't make it appropriate. However, assuming that your wedding dress was actually suitable for the situation, it is also suitable for any other event of the same level of formality held at the same time of day.

I'm looking at a the outdoors of a home that looks like a castle, what does your guide say is "appropriate" for that situation?

emilywhite85 · November 2013

The idea of having a small wedding very nice. Have a simple wedding with some of your family members and close friends. Don’t go for second wedding just have a small wedding now and a grand celebration afterwards.

MariaBend25 · November 2013

Do what works for you and your families. I personally am OK with two separate weddings because I know so many people who have done them for numerous reasons. If you cant move up the whole deal because of planning and pulling it off in a short time, you should look into having a religious ceremony now followed by a legal ceremony later. You can be recognized as married in the Catholic church, or any church, without having signed the legal documents. That way your in-laws will be there for the exchange of your vows and then when you get to the "second" wedding, you are still marrying for the first official time and can have the white dress, reception, cake, dancing, and what ever else you want. The second ceremony will be the date of your marriage, as recognized by the state. Since the Constitution upholds separation of church and state I am sure most people on this board can agree that two ceremonies, one legal and one religious, are two separate animals. Those people in your lives invited to the second ceremony/reception will know your situation and the unfortunate circumstances that forced your decision. You should not have to choose between having a mother present at her son's wedding or having the wedding of your dreams. Have both. And if she has passed by the time of the second wedding, have a remembrance wreath for her, like I did for my departed family members.

Inkdancer · November 2013

MariaBend25 said:

Do what works for you and your families. I personally am OK with two separate weddings because I know so many people who have done them for numerous reasons. If you cant move up the whole deal because of planning and pulling it off in a short time, you should look into having a religious ceremony now followed by a legal ceremony later. You can be recognized as married in the Catholic church, or any church, without having signed the legal documents. That way your in-laws will be there for the exchange of your vows and then when you get to the "second" wedding, you are still marrying for the first official time and can have the white dress, reception, cake, dancing, and what ever else you want. The second ceremony will be the date of your marriage, as recognized by the state. Since the Constitution upholds separation of church and state I am sure most people on this board can agree that two ceremonies, one legal and one religious, are two separate animals. Those people in your lives invited to the second ceremony/reception will know your situation and the unfortunate circumstances that forced your decision. You should not have to choose between having a mother present at her son's wedding or having the wedding of your dreams. Have both. And if she has passed by the time of the second wedding, have a remembrance wreath for her, like I did for my departed family members.

This, to me, feels just as bad as a PPD. You're basically saying to your in-laws "hey wanna see us pretend to get married?" and that doesn't sit right. You get one chance to marry your husband, and anything else is deceptive and disrespectful.

MariaBend25 · November 2013

Not at all deceptive or disrespectful. Not sure what PPD stands for, but a religious ceremony is not at all "pretend" unless of course it doesn't hold significance to you and your family (based on personal religious views). I know of a couple who was "married" for years in the Catholic church before they decided to make it legal, because to them being married before God was more important than being married before the State, until they had children and wanted legal protections for their family. And I also know of quite a few couples who did the legal marriage for various reasons (quite common in the military), but their very religious family did not consider it a valid marriage until they did the religious ceremony. It all depends on how you go about it, your family's view, and your religious beliefs. In such an unfortunate, tough circumstance as what the original post was referring to, I highly doubt family and friends will judge them for two separate ceremonies, and those who do probably aren't that great of friends. If it really bothers their conscience to have two separate ceremonies, then ask that there not be any gifts so it doesn't seem like a gift grab. In the end, they need to do what is best for THEIR situation and family, not what suits others.

arrippa · November 2013

First, PPD stands for pretty princess day.

Second, In the United States, if a couple has a Catholic wedding, then they had a full legal wedding. No need to do a do over to make it legal.

Third, if they get legally married in anyway, for any reason (including military) then they do not get a do over. My parents were married by the JOP. Does that mean that their marriage isn't real? Don't kid yourself, people do judge couples for having two weddings, as they should.

MariaBend25 · November 2013

I dont think there is anything "selfish" about the poster's situation, a family member is terminally ill and there is not enough time to pull off a full-blown wedding in time. They should not have to sacrifice their mother being there or having their friends and family be there.

Regardless of opinion, it is a fact, as set by the Constitution, that Church and State are separate, and therefore a church and legal marriage are separate (one not mightier and more "real" than the other might I add).

Of course a JOP wedding is "real" but a JOP wedding is NOT a religious ceremony. If your relatives decided to become Catholic, for example, their JOP wedding would not be recognized in the church as a Sacrament and they would have to have a Catholic wedding ceremony. Conversely, having a Catholic ceremony is NOT the same as a legal wedding in the United States, unless the couple has applied for a marriage license and the priest signs the marriage certificate. Seeing how some of my friends forgot to get/bring their marriage license, the date of their marriage is when the priest signed the certificate and not the date when the priest married them.

The OP is not trying to diss people with JOP marriages, but trying to see what will work the best for their given situation. I am merely stating that legal and religious ceremonies are actually two separate things, with neither being above the other, and therefore is a potential option for the poster to utilize if her religious views allow it.

photokitty · November 2013

MariaBend25 said:

I dont think there is anything "selfish" about the poster's situation, a family member is terminally ill and there is not enough time to pull off a full-blown wedding in time. They should not have to sacrifice their mother being there or having their friends and family be there.

Regardless of opinion, it is a fact, as set by the Constitution, that Church and State are separate, and therefore a church and legal marriage are separate (one not mightier and more "real" than the other might I add).

Of course a JOP wedding is "real" but a JOP wedding is NOT a religious ceremony. If your relatives decided to become Catholic, for example, their JOP wedding would not be recognized in the church as a Sacrament and they would have to have a Catholic wedding ceremony. Conversely, having a Catholic ceremony is NOT the same as a legal wedding in the United States, unless the couple has applied for a marriage license and the priest signs the marriage certificate. Seeing how some of my friends forgot to get/bring their marriage license, the date of their marriage is when the priest signed the certificate and not the date when the priest married them.

The OP is not trying to diss people with JOP marriages, but trying to see what will work the best for their given situation. I am merely stating that legal and religious ceremonies are actually two separate things, with neither being above the other, and therefore is a potential option for the poster to utilize if her religious views allow it.

This is not true at all! A Catholic priest is licensed by the state and will not preform a wedding ceremony if there is not a valid marriage license present. They will preform a blessing over an already legal marriage. I am frankly shocked their priest preformed it as my priest stated he would not if the license was not present, I've never heard of a Catholic priest who is willing to do a fake ceremony and pretend to marry an unwed couple.

Separation of church and state has nothing to do with whether or not church marriages are legal civil marriages. They are. ANd you don't have to have a wedding ceremony to have the marriage be sacramental, talk to your priest if you need further explanation. I have talked to mine already about it as I was not married in the church bc I chose not do a double deal or redo.

APDSS22 · November 2013

MariaBend25 said:

I dont think there is anything "selfish" about the poster's situation, a family member is terminally ill and there is not enough time to pull off a full-blown wedding in time. They should not have to sacrifice their mother being there or having their friends and family be there.

Regardless of opinion, it is a fact, as set by the Constitution, that Church and State are separate, and therefore a church and legal marriage are separate (one not mightier and more "real" than the other might I add).

Of course a JOP wedding is "real" but a JOP wedding is NOT a religious ceremony. If your relatives decided to become Catholic, for example, their JOP wedding would not be recognized in the church as a Sacrament and they would have to have a Catholic wedding ceremony. Conversely, having a Catholic ceremony is NOT the same as a legal wedding in the United States, unless the couple has applied for a marriage license and the priest signs the marriage certificate. Seeing how some of my friends forgot to get/bring their marriage license, the date of their marriage is when the priest signed the certificate and not the date when the priest married them.

The OP is not trying to diss people with JOP marriages, but trying to see what will work the best for their given situation. I am merely stating that legal and religious ceremonies are actually two separate things, with neither being above the other, and therefore is a potential option for the poster to utilize if her religious views allow it.

The separation of church and state does not mean that a religious officiant such as a priest is unable to perform a legal marriage as you seem to be espousing (in the US, which is where "separation of church and state" applies). If the OP and her FI decide to get married in a quiet family ceremony now, they will be married. It would be inappropriate to pretend to get married again. The priests I am acquainted with will not perform a non-legal marriage ceremony. In very special circumstances, they will bless an already performed, legal marriage (convalidation).

The best thing that the OP can do is talk to her priest about her options. Marriage within the Catholic church requires special care, meeting with a priest, the FOCCUS survey, pre-Cana, obtaining a copy of the bride's and/or groom's baptismal certificate (depending on who is Catholic) as well as the obtaining of the marriage license and making sure your officiant is available to perform a marriage on the date you've selected. The sacrament occurs when the couple meet in a Catholic church with a priest and will the sacrament to happen. A priest could explain it better. They shouldn't have to choose and in a perfect world where nothing bad happens, they wouldn't have to. However, we live in reality and the facts of the matter are that they can get married now (legally) with FMIL present or get married later (legally) and maybe have to miss out on having FMIL present. The compromise would be getting legally married now and forgoing all the frills and have a party later to celebrate the marriage. (People have "day that ends in a 'y' parties" all the time so it would not be inappropriate.)

Kerigirl9 · November 2013

I don't know.... Sounds like we're taking these etiquette rules a little too seriously. When We had our parents 25th anniversary party they had a special dance, cut a lovely cake, people gave speeches.... So by the logic on this thread we should not have done this because they had already HAD their wedding? Sorry, but I think there needs to be an allowance for a little grey area here.

SKPM · November 2013

Kerigirl9 said:

I don't know.... Sounds like we're taking these etiquette rules a little too seriously. When We had our parents 25th anniversary party they had a special dance, cut a lovely cake, people gave speeches.... So by the logic on this thread we should not have done this because they had already HAD their wedding? Sorry, but I think there needs to be an allowance for a little grey area here.

Celebrating a 25th anniversary is a lovely time to have a vow renewal. A few months after a JOP ceremony because the bride and/or groom didn't get all the fanfare that you see on TV... is not appropriate for a vow renewal.

Having a small wedding, then a big celebration on another day

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