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XP: Identity Loss?

hlvonbhlvonb member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
in Christian Weddings
So I was talking to a friend of mine today who has been married for about 5 years. She asked me if I am worried that I will have a self-identity crisis or loss of who I am? I told her that I didn't think I would. After all, I will still be the same person as I am now. The only thing that will be changing is my last name and that I will be a wife. I like chocolate now and I am sure I will like chocolate after I am married. (Silly example I know) but the point is that I will still be the same person.

She said that she asked because it happened to her after she had been married for about 1 month and that it lasted for about 6 months and that she decided to get counseling to help her with it.

For those who are NOT yet married: Do you think you might go through something like that? If so, when do you think it might help?

For those who ARE married: Did you go through something like this? If so, how long after you were married did it come on? Did you get past it? If so, how long did it take? Did you do it on your own or get professional help? Do you have any advice for someone who might go through this?
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Re: XP: Identity Loss?

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    flutterfly88flutterfly88 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    For me, I would have to say not really. I'm still in the process of changing everything, and so far I only had a little sad moment of thinking, I'm not Rachel "T" any more. but than it passed, and I was excited thinking about the fact that I was finally Mrs. O :)

    A few of my friends seemed to have more problems with my changing my name than I did. They all kept commenting about it. In HS, I was called by my last name, as there were 2 of us Rachel's in my group of friends.

    My only advice would be to keep reminding yourself that just because you're getting a new name doesn't mean that you are changing. Like you said, it's not as if your liking of chocolate will change because you become Mrs. New Last Name.

     

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    fre3domsfre3doms member
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    I doubt I'll go through much of one. I'm really looking forward to being Mrs. C. Even if it's a sometimes hard to pronounce/spell name. My pastor's wife already calls me future Mrs. C sometimes.

    I've been looking forward for over two years to marrying my love. I was just talking to him today how I want to start new traditions and become a family unit.

    He'll be moving into "our" apartment in just under two weeks so that will help with the transition I'm sure.

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    fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    To be honest, I didn't go through anything like that until our son was born.  I did stop working to stay home, but it's not like my identity was wrapped up in my job or anything, it just took (is taking) a very long time to adjust to being "mom."  Wife was very much welcome after being long distance the last 5 months of our engagement.  It was an adjustment to be 1100 miles away from family, and having not even kissed before the wedding, much less slept/lived together, there were many things thrown into life to get used to.  I didn't feel like I "lost" my identity, though.
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    hlvonbhlvonb member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    flutterfly88 said:
    For me, I would have to say not really. I'm still in the process of changing everything, and so far I only had a little sad moment of thinking, I'm not Rachel "T" any more. but than it passed, and I was excited thinking about the fact that I was finally Mrs. O :)

    A few of my friends seemed to have more problems with my changing my name than I did. They all kept commenting about it. In HS, I was called by my last name, as there were 2 of us Rachel's in my group of friends.

    My only advice would be to keep reminding yourself that just because you're getting a new name doesn't mean that you are changing. Like you said, it's not as if your liking of chocolate will change because you become Mrs. New Last Name.
    @flutterfly88

    I think I may have a "sad" moment when changing my last name (filling out forms and things) but I think it will be an excited sad. Sad that I will no longer have the last name I had for so long but excited to be known as Mrs. B. on everything.
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