Emily Post would say asking for cash is ok!?!

ac411020 · January 2014

I thought you ladies would like this article. Asking for cash is so not ok! I don't care what Emily Post says! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/06/you-can-ask-for-cash-in-l_n_4551378.html?utm_hp_ref=weddings&ir=Weddings

melbelleup · January 2014

"Alternatives to traditional registries such as a honeymoon fund, a bank account in the couple’s name or a charity suggestion in lieu of gifts are fine. So many couples already have at least one set (if not two) of everything they need to set up house, and more towels, sheets, pots and pans would be pointless. Emily Post was a very practical woman so I think she’d understand the desire to receive gifts that are truly meaningful or helpful. But know that the choice of gift is always up to the giver, so don’t be surprised or offended if your Aunt Edna isn’t keen on buying you kayak lessons in Mexico for your honeymoon and opts for a vase instead.

wha!! Honeymoon registries... oh my!

ETA: Spread the word about any registry or gift information, including 'no gifts, please,' by word of mouth, as well as on your wedding website if you'd like. Don’t put any reference to gifts at all (even 'no gifts, please') on the wedding invitation or its enclosures. Yes, receiving an invitation means a gift is expected, but the focus when a guest opens that heavy, calligraphied envelope should stay on their being invited for their own sake, not for their gift.

1. really?????

2. Uh, since when does invite = gift???

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

I'm sorry, did I just hallucinate that article because... whaaaaaaa?

kmmssg · January 2014

A GLARING example of why "Emily Post" can no longer be trusted to give good etiquette advice! The real EP died (in 1960 and her relatives make a mockery of what she built. They truly stroke the mega bazillion dollar wedding industry.

Miss Manners all the way.

misshart00 · January 2014

What I don't understand is that people always say "cash in lieu of gifts." Last time I checked, cash was still a gift.

MNVegas · January 2014

Why do I have a feeling Emily is rolling over in her grave at the bad advice her great-great- granddaughter is giving out.

Asking for cash is NEVER acceptable!

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

MNVegas said:

Why do I have a feeling Emily is rolling over in her grave at the bad advice her great-great- granddaughter is giving out.

Asking for cash is NEVER acceptable!

I keep hoping that bullshit like that article and the trash advice validation tossed about over on WB and WW will finally make Emily Post rise up from her grave and begin the zombie apocalypse.

Bet you never thought cash bars and PPDs were going to be the cause, eh?

KittyKaty20 · January 2014

misshart00 said:

What I don't understand is that people always say "cash in lieu of gifts." Last time I checked, cash was still a gift.

Hahaha! True-also, it is always the right size and style!

Angusaur · January 2014

*facepalm*

kns1988 · January 2014

I could have died when I read that article. I'm so glad someone called it out!

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

chkmeowt · January 2014

WildMagelet · January 2014

Anna Post is a sell-out. Miss Manners all the way.

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

melbelleup said:

"Alternatives to traditional registries such as a honeymoon fund, a bank account in the couple’s name or a charity suggestion in lieu of gifts are fine. So many couples already have at least one set (if not two) of everything they need to set up house, and more towels, sheets, pots and pans would be pointless. Emily Post was a very practical woman so I think she’d understand the desire to receive gifts that are truly meaningful or helpful. But know that the choice of gift is always up to the giver, so don’t be surprised or offended if your Aunt Edna isn’t keen on buying you kayak lessons in Mexico for your honeymoon and opts for a vase instead.

wha!! Honeymoon registries... oh my!

ETA: Spread the word about any registry or gift information, including 'no gifts, please,' by word of mouth, as well as on your wedding website if you'd like. Don’t put any reference to gifts at all (even 'no gifts, please') on the wedding invitation or its enclosures. Yes, receiving an invitation means a gift is expected, but the focus when a guest opens that heavy, calligraphied envelope should stay on their being invited for their own sake, not for their gift.

1. really?????
2. Uh, since when does invite = gift???

For the first bolded, I think that's fine. You can put registry info on your wedding website, but I probably wouldn't say "no gifts".

But the 2nd bolded. WTF!! If receiving and invitation (receiving, not actually attending a wedding) means that a gift is expected. Then why not add a bill with the invitation.

Jen4948 · January 2014

I think that Emily Post would disown her descendants who are giving such bad advice that she would never give herself. Times haven't changed that much.

CrazyCatLady3 · January 2014

There's bad etiquette advice in the ask carly section of this very website. Under the invitations section, it tells a bride who is concerned that her guests will show up late to put a fake start time (30 min earlier!) on her invitations. Great, so adults who know how to go places on time are punished by fiddling their thumbs for 30 min because some of your other guests are rude and untimely?

WinstonsGirl · January 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

There's bad etiquette advice in the ask carly section of this very website. Under the invitations section, it tells a bride who is concerned that her guests will show up late to put a fake start time (30 min earlier!) on her invitations. Great, so adults who know how to go places on time are punished by fiddling their thumbs for 30 min because some of your other guests are rude and untimely?

Yes, but we expect bad advice from TK.

mrs4everhart · January 2014

Perhaps times are just changing....... It's inevitable that courtesies will too. I'm not in favor of people soliciting cash from others, but I'm not going to get all up in arms about it either. We all know we are going to give a couple a wedding gift if we receive an invitation to their wedding, why not give them what they want?

ETA: I give cash anyway, so this really has no effect on me either way. But I'd still prefer the recipient to enjoy their gift.

sissixin · January 2014

I always give cash even couples have gift registers. Also I'm Asian, and it is THE wedding gift you get in Asian culture. Luckily, we don't need to explain to anyone, and usually it is polite to bring the amount at least to cover your food.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_envelope

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

@sissixin My family is the same. Heck, we don't even give birthday gifts once you hit your teen years - just red envelopes. My mom didn't know what to make of it when guests showed up with physical gifts when one of my sisters got married! Since I'm marrying a Westerner, I told her to be prepared to put gifts into her car before we leave the reception venue since our circle of friends doesn't do cash gifts.

crunchymamaof2 · January 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

Perhaps times are just changing....... It's inevitable that courtesies will too. I'm not in favor of people soliciting cash from others, but I'm not going to get all up in arms about it either. We all know we are going to give a couple a wedding gift if we receive an invitation to their wedding, why not give them what they want?

ETA: I give cash anyway, so this really has no effect on me either way. But I'd still prefer the recipient to enjoy their gift.

IMO etiquette itself hasn't changed. How etiquette is actually executed may have, but treating people and your guests kindly and with respect hasn't changed. At all.

JCbride2015 · January 2014

sissixin said: I always give cash even couples have gift registers. Also I'm Asian, and it is THE wedding gift you get in Asian culture. Luckily, we don't need to explain to anyone, and usually it is polite to bring the amount at least to cover your food.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_envelope

I always give cash, too. I'm still offended when a couple asks for cash.

ETA quote box problems

tcnoble · January 2014

I think a majority of newlyweds would LOVE the gift of cash. Many might even prefer it. But to plan a wedding and one of your concerns be about how to communicate to your guests that's all you want?? Really???? I don't know who I feel sorrier for - the bride and groom who issue these requests, or the guests who receive them.

Jen4948 · January 2014

JCBride2014 said:

sissixin said:

I always give cash even couples have gift registers. Also I'm Asian, and it is THE wedding gift you get in Asian culture. Luckily, we don't need to explain to anyone, and usually it is polite to bring the amount at least to cover your food.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_envelope

I always give cash, too. I'm still offended when a couple asks for cash.

ETA quote box problems

Even if this is considered "polite" in Asia, it's not in the West.

I hate the "cover your plate" idea. How in the world are the guests supposed to know in advance what their "plates" cost-and what are guests supposed to do if they can't afford that? Are they supposed to call the hosts and ask how much their "plates" cost? In the West, it's none of the guests' business how much the wedding is cost or how it is financed, because the expenses of hosting are properly borne entirely by the hosts without expectation of "reimbursement" or "covering plates." So this would be both an incredibly rude expectation as well as question for guests to ask.

photokitty · January 2014

Jen4948 said:
Even if this is considered "polite" in Asia, it's not in the West.

I hate the "cover your plate" idea. How in the world are the guests supposed to know in advance what their "plates" cost-and what are guests supposed to do if they can't afford that? Are they supposed to call the hosts and ask how much their "plates" cost? In the West, it's none of the guests' business how much the wedding is cost or how it is financed, because the expenses of hosting are properly borne entirely by the hosts without expectation of "reimbursement" or "covering plates." So this would be both an incredibly rude expectation as well as question for guests to ask.

^^This. If you don't want to spend/ lose money, don't have a wedding with guests. Go to the courthouse or elope. A reception is a thank you to your guests for sharing attending the wedding ceremony -- Not a way to get everyone to pay you back for their meal.

Emily Post would say asking for cash is ok!?!

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