Trouble in BM paradise

Re: Trouble in BM paradise

• Options

  grumbledore member

  

  April 2014

  ElleNguyen said:

  Hello fellow Knotters, First off, let me start by saying thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read my lovely rant. So here it goes: My fiancée and I have been engaged since NYE, 2012. Our wedding is August 24th of this year. I hAve 3 BM, and one of them is his cousin. The trAde off was that my best friend is standing up as a groomsman so his cousin is my BM. Problem: I honestly dk where to begin. When was first asked her to be in the wedding, I was hesitant and had my doubts, but I didn't say anything throughout this whole process, I was hoping that some way and somehow, her and I will be able to build a relationship. Flash forward to September of last year, we find out that she's pregnant (and as of now is overdue) and will be getting married in November. I understand and empathize with her for all the changes and stress that she's going through right now, however, when I try to call her or to meet with her, she never has time. My FH have told me on 3 occasions that if I needed anything to let her know. This is puzzling bc she has my number and knows how to contact me. I have scheduled 3 different dress fittings for my girls to which she has attended none. For one of them, she didn't even bother to call or text me to let me know she wouldn't be able to make it. It was a NCNS. I ask her opinions on dress options and try to work around her schedule but she has yet to been bother to attempt to let me know when she was able to go look at dresses. I have gone with my other 2 BM together once, and the other two times, it was with each one solo bc the other could not make it. I understand we all lead busy lives and I don't expect my BM to cater to my needs, but when I ask her to let me know when is a good time for her to go, she never even made the effort to get back to me. At one point, I called her 3 times in 2 weeks to talk to her and never got a response or call back. Not even to this day My MOH and other BM have already ordered their dresses. I sent her a pic of the BM dress and asked her if she was ok with it or would she rather pick something different, she said that it was fine. I then asked will she be ordering the dress before or after the baby gets here and she never answered me. This was back In January! She's not only been unresponsive, but short and I know for sure she has no interest in being in this wedding. I feel like the only reason why she said yes is bc of him and felt like she was obligated to. I don't expect her to care about this wedding bc of me, but she is like a little sister to him. My FH talked to her about the new changes in her life bc we didn't want her to feel overwhelmed with being a new mother and getting married on top of having to dedicate her time to someone else's wedding. After he spoke to her (bc I can never get a hold of her), I was informed that she told him she's able to do this and she's fine since she doesn't have much to do but show up to her wedding bc everything is pretty much done. My girls have been talking to me about my Bridal shower and asking me about the details of it. My biggest concern right now is that there are 3 ppl in this bridal party, but only 2 are making an effort(one of them have 2 kids under the Age of 7and lives over an hour from me). I don't feel that it's fair to my other girls to have to take on the extra responsibilities (esp financially) bc quite frankly, she just isn't giving a rats ass. On top of everything else, she hasn't even ordered her dress yet. I contacted her earlier this week about meeting her to talk about wedding details (bc I want to see where her head is at) but she said she couldn't due to them anticipating the baby's arrival. I didn't want to be inconsiderate so I congratulated her and said to keep us posted. Needless to say, she hasn't bothered to call or message me all week but she's been doing stuff here and there and checking in on FB. My biggest worry right now is her not showing up to the reheArsal and backing out a month before the wedding. At this point, I am just BEYOND fed up. I know I'm not her favorite person, but we are both adults and I feel like whatever her problem with me is,at the end of the day, she's doing this for my FH and she's just not giving a crap about him or the wedding, and I wish she would really just come out and say it bc it will save everyone the time and energy. I am so up to my neck fed up and I really want to tell her that she either needs to get it together or get out, but I don't want to be a bitch or be inconsiderate bc she will be a brand new mother. I also really want to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her about what her hold up is before I make any hasty decisions (only by she's family). Please help!!!!

  Re-read this as if you were the person you are talking about.  You're extremely pregnant and planning your own wedding and you keep getting phone calls from a woman you really have no relationship with, who for some ridiculous reason has asked you to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.  You don't have time for that.

  
  

  She doesn't have to go with you to get a dress.  Let her do it on her own time.  That time, btw, would almost certainly be AFTER her baby is born, since trying on a dress when she's 9 months pregnant would be incredibly stupid and counter-productive, a point she is probably assuming you will get at some point.

  
  

  Listen, you screwed up.  You asked someone you have no relationship with to be in your wedding, you asked way too early, and now you're shocked when this woman isn't bending over backwards to be involved.

  
  

  Leave.  Her.  Alone.

  
  

  She doesn't have to help plan a shower, she doesn't have to go on shopping trips together, and she's absolutely right to ignore you due to all of the above.

  
  

  You never should have asked her, but you did, so now you need to just stop bothering her, let her get her dress on her own time, and stop worrying about this.

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• Options

  grumbledore member

  

  April 2014

  ElleNguyen said:

  I also realized that bc she's got so much going on and these are very life changing events, I've talked to my FH about it bc I don't want her to feel overwhelmed and/or pressured to do this. I want her to be able to enjoy the day and herself just as much as I do. So after he spoke to her about her pregnancy and upcoming wedding (why? Bc she doesn't respond to my phone calls), she informed him that she's fine.

  The thing is, she doesn't want to call you because you guys aren't friends.  She's close to your FI, not to you.  He should have had her stand on his side if it was that important to him.  You did this to yourself.

  
  

  

  Report1 Reply