uneven number of bridesmaids & groomsmen??

Re: uneven number of bridesmaids & groomsmen??

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  Meghannsix member

  

  March 2012

  I think your first mistake was finding a "replacement".  Maybe this girl found out she wasn't your original choice and she's feeling hurt?  Unequal sides are fine, don't ask anyone else to be a replacement, or anyone to step down.

  

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  em01092 member

  

  March 2012

  Ditto PP. Uneven sides are fine. What makes you think that it's not ok?

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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  mbcdefg member

  

  March 2012

  It's fine to have uneven sides.
  
  Just ask who wants to double up, or randomly pick someone. Nobody is going to care who's paired up with whom. It's a 30-second walk and then it's over. Anybody who'd take offense to their partner (assuming the partner isn't someone who's abused them in the past) is a lunatic.
  
  The first girl is probably insulted that she was asked to be a replacement. I would call her and apologize for treating her that way, and maybe you will make some headway with her if you do that. And the other girl dropped out because of work and she gave you plenty of notice. It's not at all fair of you to refer to them as "unstable."

  

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  [Deleted User]

  

  March 2012

  The "replacement" was going to originally be a BM but she was planning her own wedding & I did not want to give her any more to put on her financial plate. I am not an idiot. I spoke to her BEFORE I even asked her. We are good friends & I told her she could say no or tell me to f off & I wouldn't be offended. I expected her to say no & I told her to feel free not to join the bridal party. She was already doing a reading @our ceremony anyways. She was all for being a BM when I asked her. That is not the issue @hand so idk why you would even think that I am such a cold person to treat her as a "replacement." I am actually very concerned because it is not like her to be out of contact with me, so right now, I am more worried about her well-being than anything else. & by "unstable" I meant as far as the constant changes with my BMs. Thank you. I was just unsure if it would be ok to have 5 & 4. Hopefully it will all work out with 5 & 5.

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  em01092 member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uneven-number-of-bridesmaids-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a56132b0-f880-45d7-a42e-345f71c883d1Post:db1a78b1-ca74-42c9-8e79-1032a4fd4330">Re: uneven number of bridesmaids & groomsmen??</a>:
  [QUOTE]The "replacement" was going to originally be a BM but she was planning her own wedding & I did not want to give her any more to put on her financial plate. I am not an idiot. I spoke to her BEFORE I even asked her. We are good friends & I told her she could say no or tell me to f off & I wouldn't be offended. I expected her to say no & I told her to feel free not to join the bridal party. She was already doing a reading @our ceremony anyways. She was all for being a BM when I asked her. That is not the issue @hand so<strong> idk why you would even think that I am such a cold person to treat her as a "replacement."</strong> I am actually very concerned because it is not like her to be out of contact with me, so right now, I am more worried about her well-being than anything else. & by "unstable" I meant as far as the constant changes with my BMs. Thank you. I was just unsure if it would be ok to have 5 & 4. Hopefully it will all work out with 5 & 5.<div>Posted by cvmami78[/QUOTE]</div><div>
  </div><div>Because often times, it comes across to the replacement like this, "Hey friend, you didn't make the cut when I asked the first go round, but since somone I originally asked dropped out, now do you want to be a BM?" See how that sounds kind of, well, sucky?</div><div> </div><div>I know you had good intetions, and it's water under the bridge now because you asked her, but I'm just explaining why looking for replacements isn't well received. 
  
  </div>

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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  mbcdefg member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uneven-number-of-bridesmaids-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a56132b0-f880-45d7-a42e-345f71c883d1Post:db1a78b1-ca74-42c9-8e79-1032a4fd4330">Re: uneven number of bridesmaids & groomsmen??</a>:
  [QUOTE]<strong>The "replacement" was going to originally be a BM but she was planning her own wedding & I did not want to give her any more to put on her financial plate. </strong>I am not an idiot. I spoke to her BEFORE I even asked her. We are good friends & I told her she could say no or tell me to f off & I wouldn't be offended. I expected her to say no & I told her to feel free not to join the bridal party. She was already doing a reading @our ceremony anyways. She was all for being a BM when I asked her. That is not the issue @hand so idk why you would even think that I am such a cold person to treat her as a "replacement." I am actually very concerned because it is not like her to be out of contact with me, so right now, I am more worried about her well-being than anything else. & by "unstable" I meant as far as the constant changes with my BMs. Thank you. I was just unsure if it would be ok to have 5 & 4. Hopefully it will all work out with 5 & 5.
  Posted by cvmami78[/QUOTE]
  
  Well, yeah, she <strong>IS </strong>a replacement. Because you brought her in because someone else backed out. That's what a replacement is.
  
  I get that you were concerned for her finances. That'd be my concern as well. But that wasn't your call to make. It's insulting to make that decision on someone else's behalf (especially since she could obviously make it work since she accepted your later invitation to be a bridesmaid), so maybe that's why she's been avoiding you. She may be insulted that (a) you avoided asking her the first time around because you decided on her behalf that she couldn't handle it, and (b) that she's suddenly good/financially stable enough to be asked to be a bridesmaid now that you're down a woman. Rather than decide on her behalf that it was too expensive for her, you could've said, "Hey, I'd love for you to be a bridesmaid if you want. I will adhere to your dress budget and then any other expenses would be optional. What do you say?"
  
  Take that however you want. But since you said that this girl is avoiding you, I'm simply offering a theory as to why she might be ignoring you. If this is truly the reason why she's avoiding you and you apologize for it, then maybe she will come around and start answering your messages.

  

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