Bridal Shower

Re: Bridal Shower

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  VulgarGirl member

  

  July 2014

  You do not host your own shower. You do not ask for someone to host a shower for you. Showers are not necessary or mandatory. My mother got married twice with having one, so did my step-mom. You aren't entitled to a shower, or required to have a shower.

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  theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  Jsmith262 said:

  My wedding date is 9/27/2014. I know that typically you have the bridal shower 4-6 weeks away from the wedding day, but no one has offered to plan this for me so far and we're only about 10 weeks out from the big day. Over half of my BMs are pregnant or have babies, so I just have the feeling they're all too busy to plan it. Also, isn't it typically bad etiquette to host the shower myself (as the bride) or even a relative? I'm honestly close to accepting that I just won't have a shower altogether...depressing, I know, but I don't have the heart to put the pressure on my BMs to host this for me 

  Just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Please don't put any pressure on anyone to host, and please don't host it yourself.

  
  

  If a family member does offer to host, that's fine. It used to be seen as self-serving for a mother to host the shower back when most brides were just moving away from home to move in with their husbands... now that that's not the case as often, the "rules" have relaxed.

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  Jsmith262 member

  

  July 2014

  Well it's kind of an awkward situation for me because one my BM (she's due in early August) did offer to host it, but has yet to ask me anything about the shower. I know I just need to talk about it with her, but I'd hate to keep bugging her about it since I know she has a lot going on. I'm kind of a control freak, so when I don't know the plans for something it drives me crazy lol.

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  JaxInBlue member

  

  July 2014

  I'm sorry that no one has offered to host a shower for you, but I commend you for trying to see the circumstances for what they are rather than being angry or bitter.  Everyone's lives have different paces and everyone juggles a lot of responsibilities.
  
  That said, you are right that a bride cannot host her own shower (it's gift-grabby).  For me personally, relatives hosting a shower is a less of a major etiquette issue, especially as sisters and cousins are often members of a bridal party.  For example, my sister and I each hosted showers for each other (we were each others MOHs) with other ladies in the respective bridal parties.  In a few weeks, I'm co-hosting a shower with a bride-to-be's aunt and members of Bride's bridal party.  I think if an aunt or cousin offered to host a shower for you - or maybe even a sister - it would be okay to accept.  (I kind of see mothers as an exception still and know a lot of my circle does as well.)  Also, any friend, even one not in the party, could offer to host something for you. 
  
  I know it will be disappointing, but I'd try to focus on the positive relationship you have with your party and the time you can all spend together now and at your wedding.  Showers don't need to the pinnacle of the bride-to-be experience.  They're nice, but they aren't the be all and end all of your wedding experience. 
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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  southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2014

  Don't feel depressed about not having a shower. Lots of people don't have showers, bachelorette parties, engagement parties, etc.... It's typical and not something to worry about.

  
  

  That said, it's against etiquette to host your own shower because it's a gift giving event and perceived as gift grabby. It's typical for a relative (not typically your mom, though) to offer to host one - nothing wrong with that. But make sure you don't ask someone to host one for you..also gift grabby and quite imposing.

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  manateehugger member

  

  July 2014

  Jsmith262 said:

  Well it's kind of an awkward situation for me because one my BM (she's due in early August) did offer to host it, but has yet to ask me anything about the shower. I know I just need to talk about it with her, but I'd hate to keep bugging her about it since I know she has a lot going on. I'm kind of a control freak, so when I don't know the plans for something it drives me crazy lol.

  Oh man, don't talk to this girl. Sorry, but I'm sure the fact that she could be shoving out a kid any day now massively trumps picking out quiche and cookies for your shower. She may have offered to host before she realized the hosting responsibilities involved. Not to mention, a kid on the way could mean a tight budget for her right now.

  
  

  It's ok to feel bummed about the lack of bridal shower, but a lot of people don't get one and it's not required. Focus on the fact that you're getting married in nearly two months! Ack!

  
  

  

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  Jsmith262 member

  

  July 2014

  Thanks everyone! I really appreciate your help and kind words. It's nice to know that it's not necessary to have a bridal shower. Honestly, I was confused on the idea anyway because it just seems a little silly to have a shower, get gifts, and then have gifts given at the wedding too. Especially since those you invite to the shower you also invite to the wedding, so it's like asking double the gifts for one event! Not to mention that my fiance and I have been living together for 3 and a half years, so we basically have all our household needs Again, thanks so much for all of your help, everyone!!

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