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Inviting the parents, but not the adult daughters

Knottie31632590Knottie31632590 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Help!

I am stuck in a situation. There is a "family friend" of my fiancé's parents that I really am not a fan of. We all know they are not the greatest people in the world, but his parents know that they just have to send them an invite. They have two daughters that I am even more not a fan of and there is just no way I can let them attend the wedding and/or the reception. There is just absolutely no way I can allow them...I know there's etiquette to invite two parents but NOT their "children", but in this case, the daughters are 21 and 24...How do I go about not including them? I know I can address the invitation to just the parents...but I know also that they would most likely STILL bring the daughters with them...I don't want to beat around the bush with these people and it end being a dramatic situation...but there is just no way I can have the two girls attend...I wish the two parents wouldn't attend and I wish I could explain just how snarky and arrogant these people are, but it's just a sticky situation....ANY pointers??? Thanks so much. 
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Re: Inviting the parents, but not the adult daughters

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    All you can do is address the invite to the people you wish to invite and if they RSVP for more then who was listed then  you will have to call them up and say that you are unable to accommodate the additional guests.

    Other then that there is really not much else you can do.

    Who is paying for your wedding by the way?  Unless your FI parents are footing some of the bill then I really don't see why you have to invite these people.  You say that you aren't a fan of them but what about your FI?  Does he feel the same?
    Knottie31632590 said:
    Help!

    I am stuck in a situation. There is a "family friend" of my fiancé's parents that I really am not a fan of. We all know they are not the greatest people in the world, but his parents know that they just have to send them an invite. They have two daughters that I am even more not a fan of and there is just no way I can let them attend the wedding and/or the reception. There is just absolutely no way I can allow them...I know there's etiquette to invite two parents but NOT their "children", but in this case, the daughters are 21 and 24...How do I go about not including them? I know I can address the invitation to just the parents...but I know also that they would most likely STILL bring the daughters with them...I don't want to beat around the bush with these people and it end being a dramatic situation...but there is just no way I can have the two girls attend...I wish the two parents wouldn't attend and I wish I could explain just how snarky and arrogant these people are, but it's just a sticky situation....ANY pointers??? Thanks so much. 


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    IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Knottie31632590 said:
    Help!

    I am stuck in a situation. There is a "family friend" of my fiancé's parents that I really am not a fan of. We all know they are not the greatest people in the world, but his parents know that they just have to send them an invite. They have two daughters that I am even more not a fan of and there is just no way I can let them attend the wedding and/or the reception. There is just absolutely no way I can allow them...I know there's etiquette to invite two parents but NOT their "children", but in this case, the daughters are 21 and 24...How do I go about not including them? I know I can address the invitation to just the parents...but I know also that they would most likely STILL bring the daughters with them...I don't want to beat around the bush with these people and it end being a dramatic situation...but there is just no way I can have the two girls attend...I wish the two parents wouldn't attend and I wish I could explain just how snarky and arrogant these people are, but it's just a sticky situation....ANY pointers??? Thanks so much. 
    You can't do either/or regarding the invitation. Either they are invited to both or they are not invited. If it's the parents who are friends of fiance's parents, that's an easy circle to include. What are your fiance's parents asking for?
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    Knottie31632590Knottie31632590 member
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    edited July 2014

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    Knottie31632590Knottie31632590 member
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    My FI is in the same boat. We are not fans of the whole family, but would rather invite the parents and just let them come, but definitely leave the two daughters out. FI's parents haven't said much, but I know his mother feels it's appropriate to invite them...As far as who's paying for what, we have not determined all of that yet...I am sure we will try and pick and choose who can get what, but we just got engaged last month so we aren't totally there yet. 
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Knottie31632590 said:
    My FI is in the same boat. We are not fans of the whole family, but would rather invite the parents and just let them come, but definitely leave the two daughters out. FI's parents haven't said much, but I know his mother feels it's appropriate to invite them...As far as who's paying for what, we have not determined all of that yet...I am sure we will try and pick and choose who can get what, but we just got engaged last month so we aren't totally there yet. 
    Ok so if you don't have a set budget or have determined who is paying for what yet then I think you are putting the cart before the horse.  You just got engaged.  Do you even have a date?  A venue?  If not, put the guest list to the side (just determine an approximate number that you would like to invite) and focus on budget and date/venue.

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    Just don't invite them.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    Knottie31632590Knottie31632590 member
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    We do have a date and venue
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Knottie31632590 said:
    We do have a date and venue
    But you haven't figured out who is paying for what?  I am so confused.  You need to establish who is paying for what before you even worry about finalizing your guest list.  You need to do this because A) you want to make sure that you have the money to cover your expenses and B) to determine who has a say over your wedding plans, including your guest list.

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    Knottie31632590Knottie31632590 member
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    @maggie0829

    We have my side of the guest list and are just now getting his family's side of the guest list...My family is organizing and most likely paying for the reception. Off subject, but ok. 
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I feel like you're doing a lot of this backwards. When is your wedding? 

    You're fine to invite just the parents. You're not required to invite their adult children. Just don't invite them. 
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    Knottie31632590 said:
    @maggie0829

    We have my side of the guest list and are just now getting his family's side of the guest list...My family is organizing and most likely paying for the reception. Off subject, but ok. 
    Well if your family is paying for the wedding then you have the right to nix these people off your guest list.

    ETA: And no it is not off subject.  Knowing who is paying helps to determine who has a say in the guest list.  If your FI parents were helping then I would say you would have to invite these people you don't like.  But since they aren't then you don't have to invite them.

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    Knottie31632590Knottie31632590 member
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    @climbingbrideNY

    I am not doing anything backwards. I am halfway through planning my wedding...Just didn't feel like throwing out all of my other information on this board.  I am just asking for some etiquette advice on this situation. 
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie31632590 said:
    @climbingbrideNY

    I am not doing anything backwards. I am halfway through planning my wedding...Just didn't feel like throwing out all of my other information on this board.  I am just asking for some etiquette advice on this situation. 
    Well, if you're halfway through wedding planning, you should know who is paying for what. 
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    misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Just don't send the daughters invitations.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Who is paying is always relevant to how we respond.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    melbensomelbenso member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    As PP have said, it is perfectly acceptable to invite a couple without their adult children who do not live with them.  It doesn't matter if they are family friends, coworkers, relatives, your dry cleaner.... Just address the invitation to the two of them, at their home, with no other names on it. 

    Also, I assume, since neither you nor your FI want these people there, that his parents are helping pay for the wedding or you think it would cause too much drama with the future ILs if you refused to invite them.  As to that, good for you for being the bigger person.
    image
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    abbyj700abbyj700 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    How do you have a venue without knowing who's paying for what? You shouldn't pick a place and not know your final budget as this can leave you in the sticky situation of having a place booked that you cannot afford alone. If no one has offered to pay for anything- you and your FI are responsible for 100% of the budget and if either family offers to contribute - it's just icing on the cake.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If you and/or your family are paying and his are not, you are not required to invite the adult daughters. Address your invitation only to the parents, and if they indicate in any way that they plan to bring their daughters, tell them, "We're sorry for the confusion, but only the two of you are invited." And if the daughters show up with their parents, then you can let them know that as they were not invited, they cannot be accommodated.
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    charlottesmom0626charlottesmom0626 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    I feel a deleted OP coming on...
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    taylorann0626 said:
    I feel a deleted OP coming on...
    It's been quoted.
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    danamwdanamw member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    You don't really want any of these 4 people as guests, but you are agreeing to invite the parents, not the adult daughters. That is fine, that's compromise. It isn't a faux pas to not invite the daughters, adult children are not assumed to be invited with parents.

    Let's hope the girls, 21 and 24, have friends and boyfriends to hang out with the day of the wedding, so they don't even want to go to a wedding with their parents.


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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    It is rude to invite one half of a couple.  If you invite the wife, you must invite the husband,
    It is NOT rude to invite a couple without their children, grown or otherwise. 
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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