Fiance Got Fired...

mysticl · July 2014

And sometimes I "discuss" things with him just because my process for problem solving is to talk it out. The other person doesn't even need to respond, it just helps me to hear it out loud.

Ndelible · July 2014

scribe95 said:

Hopefully he can handle the interview by himself...

I think this is the phrase the OP was referring to. It's not funny and it's not cute.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

Ndelible said:

scribe95 said:

Hopefully he can handle the interview by himself...

I think this is the phrase the OP was referring to. It's not funny and it's not cute.

Yes, we all understand what phrase the OP was referring to. But most of us don't believe that that response was rude or uncalled for.

Ndelible · July 2014

If you all understand then why the subterfuge about the other stuff? This was a feeble attempt at humor. It is nasty and mean spirited and would be pretty insulted if it were directed at your SO, would it not?

Maggie0829 · July 2014

Ndelible said:

If you all understand then why the subterfuge about the other stuff? This was a feeble attempt at humor. It is nasty and mean spirited and would be pretty insulted if it were directed at your SO, would it not?

I don't believe that it was a nasty attempt at humor. The OP made her FI seem like he cannot handle situations himself so wondering how he will complete an interview himself is pretty darn good question. And when you post situations that include your SO then you open yourself and your SO to comment and opinion so if you don't want things directed to your SO then you shouldn't post things that pertain to your SO.

ETA: But seeing as how the OP thinks she did nothing wrong by overstepping her boundaries in regards to her FI place of work then I can see how she took offense to someone commenting on how her FI will be able to get through an interview alone.

manateehugger · July 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Ndelible said:

If you all understand then why the subterfuge about the other stuff? This was a feeble attempt at humor. It is nasty and mean spirited and would be pretty insulted if it were directed at your SO, would it not?

I don't believe that it was a nasty attempt at humor. The OP made her FI seem like he cannot handle situations himself so wondering how he will complete an interview himself is pretty darn good question. And when you post situations that include your SO then you open yourself and your SO to comment and opinion so if you don't want things directed to your SO then you shouldn't post things that pertain to your SO.

ETA: But seeing as how the OP thinks she did nothing wrong by overstepping her boundaries in regards to her FI place of work then I can see how she took offense to someone commenting on how her FI will be able to get through an interview alone.

Yeah, honestly, I think OP made her FI look way worse than anyone else did with their comments.

loveislouder · July 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Ndelible said:

If you all understand then why the subterfuge about the other stuff? This was a feeble attempt at humor. It is nasty and mean spirited and would be pretty insulted if it were directed at your SO, would it not?

I don't believe that it was a nasty attempt at humor. The OP made her FI seem like he cannot handle situations himself so wondering how he will complete an interview himself is pretty darn good question. And when you post situations that include your SO then you open yourself and your SO to comment and opinion so if you don't want things directed to your SO then you shouldn't post things that pertain to your SO.

ETA: But seeing as how the OP thinks she did nothing wrong by overstepping her boundaries in regards to her FI place of work then I can see how she took offense to someone commenting on how her FI will be able to get through an interview alone.

Guys... I'm not a newbie here. I'm not throwing a fit, whining or anything. It's not that I don't think I did anything wrong by "overstepping boundaries" it's that I know I didn't overstep the boundaries. I did what my FI asked me to. Ya'll are making it seem that I went in there red faced and screaming at his boss, who is also someone we socialize with regularly, which i didn't think was important but apparently it is. I went in, showed him the laws on paper and told him to give the job back or there would be legal ramifications.

Ndelible · July 2014

Sorry ladies, you are wrong. That was not a question but a comment and a nasty one. Have you been behind computer screens so long that you fail to see the insult? A direct insult. Not necessary at all.

manateehugger · July 2014

loveislouder said:

Maggie0829 said:

Ndelible said:

If you all understand then why the subterfuge about the other stuff? This was a feeble attempt at humor. It is nasty and mean spirited and would be pretty insulted if it were directed at your SO, would it not?

I don't believe that it was a nasty attempt at humor. The OP made her FI seem like he cannot handle situations himself so wondering how he will complete an interview himself is pretty darn good question. And when you post situations that include your SO then you open yourself and your SO to comment and opinion so if you don't want things directed to your SO then you shouldn't post things that pertain to your SO.

ETA: But seeing as how the OP thinks she did nothing wrong by overstepping her boundaries in regards to her FI place of work then I can see how she took offense to someone commenting on how her FI will be able to get through an interview alone.

Guys... I'm not a newbie here. I'm not throwing a fit, whining or anything. It's not that I don't think I did anything wrong by "overstepping boundaries" it's that I know I didn't overstep the boundaries. I did what my FI asked me to. Ya'll are making it seem that I went in there red faced and screaming at his boss, who is also someone we socialize with regularly, which i didn't think was important but apparently it is. I went in, showed him the laws on paper and told him to give the job back or there would be legal ramifications.

The bolded is the problem and why people think your FI is immature and unable to handle himself as an adult.

And I'm still bewildered that you can't realize confronting someone else's boss, even your FI's, over an employment issue is overstepping a boundary.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

loveislouder said:

Maggie0829 said:

Ndelible said:

If you all understand then why the subterfuge about the other stuff? This was a feeble attempt at humor. It is nasty and mean spirited and would be pretty insulted if it were directed at your SO, would it not?

I don't believe that it was a nasty attempt at humor. The OP made her FI seem like he cannot handle situations himself so wondering how he will complete an interview himself is pretty darn good question. And when you post situations that include your SO then you open yourself and your SO to comment and opinion so if you don't want things directed to your SO then you shouldn't post things that pertain to your SO.

ETA: But seeing as how the OP thinks she did nothing wrong by overstepping her boundaries in regards to her FI place of work then I can see how she took offense to someone commenting on how her FI will be able to get through an interview alone.

Guys... I'm not a newbie here. I'm not throwing a fit, whining or anything. It's not that I don't think I did anything wrong by "overstepping boundaries" it's that I know I didn't overstep the boundaries. I did what my FI asked me to. Ya'll are making it seem that I went in there red faced and screaming at his boss, who is also someone we socialize with regularly, which i didn't think was important but apparently it is. I went in, showed him the laws on paper and told him to give the job back or there would be legal ramifications.

No matter if your FI asked you to do it or not, you should know that you should not fight your FI battles when it comes to his place of employment. This person (whether you socialize with him outside of your FI work or not) is your FI boss, not yours, and you have no right to go in and discuss your FI employment status with him. That is your FI place since it is his job.

It is great that you wanted to help your FI but really you ended up probably doing more harm then good because now your FI will expect you to fight all of his battles instead of being an adult and handling things himself.

Ndelible · July 2014

If you see the comment as acceptable, then may I suggest that perhaps the standards in treating others that you may claim to be defending has rusty armor.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

Ndelible said:

If you see the comment as acceptable, then may I suggest that perhaps the standards in treating others that you may claim to be defending has rusty armor.

My apologies for not agreeing with you but again I saw nothing wrong with Scribes comment.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

Ndelible said:

scribe95 said:

Hopefully he can handle the interview by himself...

I think this is the phrase the OP was referring to. It's not funny and it's not cute.

I know what phrase OP was referring to and there's nothing uncalled for in it.

It's snark but appropriate considering the subject of this thread.

manateehugger · July 2014

Ndelible said:

If you see the comment as acceptable, then may I suggest that perhaps the standards in treating others that you may claim to be defending has rusty armor.

I'M ENTITLED TO MY OPINION!

Ndelible · July 2014

Oh yes PDKH, you are the screamer. I do remember you. And gosh, darn, I can't quote you this time either. Yes, from your view, it may not be insulting. But, then again, it wasn't directed at you, was it?

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

Ndelible said:
Sorry ladies, you are wrong. That was not a question but a comment and a nasty one. Have you been behind computer screens so long that you fail to see the insult? A direct insult. Not necessary at all.

Oh good Lord, come down from your high horse already!

You know that comment was tame compared to the other comments you have tried to police us on.

If OP was a RL relative or friend I'd say the same thing to her face and have this same discussion about adults needing to act like adults and overstepping boundaries in person.

She opened her FI up to criticism when she started this thread. Scribes comment was a criticism not an insult. If she had called him a weenie incapable of handling confrontation on his iwn, that would be a nasty insult.

QueerFemme · July 2014

Ndelible said:

If you see the comment as acceptable, then may I suggest that perhaps the standards in treating others that you may claim to be defending has rusty armor.

I see the comment as snarky, but snark is acceptable in certain cases. And I noticed you said "Sorry ladies, you are wrong". Just because someone else thinks snark is acceptable doesn't mean they are wrong. It means they disagree with your level of snark acceptability.

For the record. If one of my friends or family members did what OP did, whether her FI asked or not, I would have said the same thing I said here, or maybe even a little more blunt. I am not much different online than I am in real life. I would have told my friend "are you fucking kidding me? Why didn't you tell him to do that himself? that's ridiculous. That dude needs to grow a spine before you marry him".

I am honest and not sugar coated with my friends, and they appreciate that about me, and I expect the same from them.

lyndausvi · July 2014

It's it weird I'm still hung up on the fact he got his job back, with a raise and a better schedule?

That is is just weird to me.

I may or may not have giggled at scripe's comment

Ndelible · July 2014

High horse is busy right now.

mysticl · July 2014

lyndausvi said:

It's it weird I'm still hung up on the fact he got his job back, with a raise and a better schedule?

That is is just weird to me.

I may or may not have giggled at scripe's comment

I see it as a sign the boss new he was in violation of the law (maybe more laws than the one that came to light that day) and is trying like hell to avoid a lawsuit. It's kind of like when someone gets fired but still gets paid for several more months.

QueerFemme · July 2014

Ndelible said:

High horse is busy right now.

Are you on it?

Maggie0829 · July 2014

lyndausvi said:

It's it weird I'm still hung up on the fact he got his job back, with a raise and a better schedule?

That is is just weird to me.

I may or may not have giggled at scripe's comment

No it isn't weird. I think that is kind of crazy too. Like the boss is trying to cover up the fact that he is stealing from the business?

misshart00 · July 2014

lyndausvi said:

It's it weird I'm still hung up on the fact he got his job back, with a raise and a better schedule?

That is is just weird to me.

I may or may not have giggled at scripe's comment

Agree. When I worked in retail, they hired a 16 year old whose mom came to his interview with him. It was constantly talked about because it was just so awkward.

manateehugger · July 2014

Ndelible said:

Oh yes PDKH, you are the screamer. I do remember you. And gosh, darn, I can't quote you this time either. Yes, from your view, it may not be insulting. But, then again, it wasn't directed at you, was it?

Hey, it's cool, my husband says I'm a screamer too.

Ndelible · July 2014

@QueerFemme‌ Nope, had to dope up the damn thing; it's heart gave out due to over exertion. I'm back to my 86 Mercury for the moment.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

lyndausvi said:
It's it weird I'm still hung up on the fact he got his job back, with a raise and a better schedule?

That is is just weird to me.

I may or may not have giggled at scripe's comment

I suspecr it was because whatever the f*** was going on with that manager was highly illegal and he knew that.

Ndelible · July 2014

@mileybangerz‌ I'm no longer a fan. I'm sending back my temporary tattoo.

huskypuppy14 · July 2014

If the OP was a lawyer, would you guys be saying that it was uncalled for? Clearly there is something shady going on at that place, and it doesn't hurt to have someone back you up. What the boss did was illegal, and sometimes having someone outside of the business say something could help. Which it did.

Though, I think the fact that this has happened multiple times in the past and this is the first the OP has heard of it, makes it a FI issue.

Ndelible · July 2014

I'm broken up beyond words.

jenajjthr · July 2014

OT sort of, but a funny story. My ex was on deployment and had a port call. He called drunk asking to use the ATM card to get more money for another lap dance. I get that he was trying to be responsible and make sure we had the funds available. But I about died laughing at a few facts. First he was incredibly drunk, second the key word I honed in on was "another" lap dance. I asked him "The first one wasn't enough?" His reply "Nope, she was gooood"

Third, he was (relevant to this post) calling me asking for permission to get money. I knew he was going to get flak from the guys he was at the bar with because he had to call the "wifey" for permission. Now we had discussed prior to him leaving how much money was available for him to get in case he got a port call, but I guess that fact was forgotten.

In this case there are certain things grown adults should be capable of doing for themselves, like standing up for themselves, showing the illegality of what was asked, demanding job back, sticking up for oneself. Even though the OP was asked to do, even though she was capable of doing it, even though it was easier for her to do it, she should have refused. Its always going to be easier for her to be the one with the backbone if he doesn't have to be the one develop one and to depend on her.

This is the same issue that I see as a high school teacher with helicopter parents, colleges see with those same parents, and future hiring managers (can he handle the interview snarky comment) will deal with in the future. When we don't allow people to deal with their own problems and issues and handle it for them, we aren't helping them, we are actually hindering them in the long run. We make them less self assured, less self-confident, and less self sufficient. OP did him no favors by getting him his job back.

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