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Kids at the wedding?

lovemesomemonsterlovemesomemonster member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Chit Chat
I have a problem and I need some help with solving it. I do not like small children, I don't like holding babies, listening to them cry, or tripping over other people's kids. I have always wanted a kid free wedding no questions asked and am now running into problems. I am an only child and grew up very close to all of my cousins, there are 10 of us. Of that 10 there are only two of us that are not married and do not have kids. Due to costs and simply not wanting kids there to cry through the ceremony or run crazy at the reception  I was set on an adult only event. Recently I went to my family Christmas party and was told by two cousins that when they got my Christmas card their kids were upset because they thought my fiance and I had gotten married already and they weren't invited (the picture was us at my best friend's wedding). They are all getting to the age where they will remember if I do not include them but that doesn't change the fact that I'm not big on kids at all. The venue I want is a ski lodge in the winter, so no, it will not be an open outdoor area for kids to run and dinner is $55/head so adding the 30 kids is a lot. My fiance also has two nephews, one of which will be two and is already a little shit and he wants them there. 

My question is do I suck it up and invite all kids even if I REALLY don't want them there? Or can I set an age limit (as in over 5yrs) but then that alienates the only kids on his side. I'm to the point of just eloping right now!!!

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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    Knottie05294205 said:
    I have a problem and I need some help with solving it. I do not like small children, I don't like holding babies, listening to them cry, or tripping over other people's kids. I have always wanted a kid free wedding no questions asked and am now running into problems. I am an only child and grew up very close to all of my cousins, there are 10 of us. Of that 10 there are only two of us that are not married and do not have kids. Due to costs and simply not wanting kids there to cry through the ceremony or run crazy at the reception  I was set on an adult only event. Recently I went to my family Christmas party and was told by two cousins that when they got my Christmas card their kids were upset because they thought my fiance and I had gotten married already and they weren't invited (the picture was us at my best friend's wedding). They are all getting to the age where they will remember if I do not include them but that doesn't change the fact that I'm not big on kids at all. The venue I want is a ski lodge in the winter, so no, it will not be an open outdoor area for kids to run and dinner is $55/head so adding the 30 kids is a lot. My fiance also has two nephews, one of which will be two and is already a little shit and he wants them there. 

    My question is do I suck it up and invite all kids even if I REALLY don't want them there? Or can I set an age limit (as in over 5yrs) but then that alienates the only kids on his side. I'm to the point of just eloping right now!!!

    There's nothing wrong with not inviting kids to your wedding. It's most important that you and FI are on the same page, however. If he absolutely wants his nephews, then you two need to talk and compromise. 

    You could consider drawing the line at including sibling's children and not inviting cousins' children. 

    FWIW, two small children would probably not wreck your day. Thirty-two, however, would be an unholy mess. 
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    lovemesomemonsterlovemesomemonster member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thank you for the reply! I agree, two would probably not wreck the day and we could come to some sort of agreement. My bigger problem is that the cousin's kids are at the age where they will notice if they aren't included and we only have two family weddings left including mine for them to come to on my side. At what age would a child really notice and be upset about it? We usually have large family gatherings for everything so everyone assumes it's just a given that they are all included.

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    CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited December 2014
    Knottie05294205 said:
    I have a problem and I need some help with solving it. I do not like small children, I don't like holding babies, listening to them cry, or tripping over other people's kids. I have always wanted a kid free wedding no questions asked and am now running into problems. I am an only child and grew up very close to all of my cousins, there are 10 of us. Of that 10 there are only two of us that are not married and do not have kids. Due to costs and simply not wanting kids there to cry through the ceremony or run crazy at the reception  I was set on an adult only event. Recently I went to my family Christmas party and was told by two cousins that when they got my Christmas card their kids were upset because they thought my fiance and I had gotten married already and they weren't invited (the picture was us at my best friend's wedding). They are all getting to the age where they will remember if I do not include them but that doesn't change the fact that I'm not big on kids at all. The venue I want is a ski lodge in the winter, so no, it will not be an open outdoor area for kids to run and dinner is $55/head so adding the 30 kids is a lot. My fiance also has two nephews, one of which will be two and is already a little shit and he wants them there. 

    My question is do I suck it up and invite all kids even if I REALLY don't want them there? Or can I set an age limit (as in over 5yrs) but then that alienates the only kids on his side. I'm to the point of just eloping right now!!!
    You invite whomever you want to invite.  There is no obligation for you to invite any children unless they are in your wedding party.  (Flower girl, etc.)  If someone insists that they will not attend unless you invite their children, you smile sweetly and say, "We will miss you."
    Please do not have children.  I suspect you are related to my mother.
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    Couggal12Couggal12 member
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    H and I had a child free wedding. Well sorta. One of our guests ended up bringing their 1 year old son. Even though they knew he was not invited. I barely noticed. So like PP said, a few kids won't wreck your day. :) 

    Some people will not be happy if their kids aren't invited. Your FI and you have to decide how important it is to you. You could also just invite your cousin's children and no other kids. As long as you aren't breaking up family units, it's fine to not invite everyone's kids. 

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    lovemesomemonsterlovemesomemonster member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thank you all for the responses, this will be a big one for us to hash out. 

    On a side note, the "Please do not have children" comment was quite rude and off topic

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    CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited December 2014
    Re-read your post, sweetie.  You said terrible things about your feelings about children.  If you repeat any of what I bolded in my post, you will insult a lot of people with your prejudice and intolerance of youngsters.  I was offended.
    It is one thing to want an adults only wedding.  It is quite another to say "I do not like small children."
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    ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    I agree with (most) PPs. There is nothing wrong with having a child free wedding, but you and FI have to be on the same page about it.

    It is also fine to only invite some children, but imposing an age limit is not an appropriate way to go about it. Instead, you should invite children in "circles". Ex. Inviting siblings' children and aunts'/uncles' children, but not cousins' or friends' children is fine and not at all rude.

    Whatever you and you FI agree on, it is highly unlikely that children will "ruin" your wedding. The only way for your wedding to be ruined is if you don't end up being married at the end.
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    decembergrl2014decembergrl2014 member
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    You really have to do what is right for you. H and I had kids at our wedding. The oldest was 11, and they all had a great time. At the end of the day it's yours and your FIs day, and you decide who comes and who doesn't. If you don't want kids there, there's nothing wrong with that, and don't let anyone try to make you feel guilty about it.

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I don't think it was rude to tell you not to have children. You made it clear you don't like them, so how is it rude to support what you told us? That being said, you do not need to invite children if you don't want to, but you definitely need to get on the same page with your fiance on the topic. Siblings' children is a good compromise.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited December 2014
    Go child free if you can. I wanted it so badly but my fiance didn't feel right about it so I caved. There are two on his side that I'm NOT looking forward to having there.

    Saw them at the family Christmas party on Saturday and they were rude brats to the host, who at one point had to literally haul the 7 year old away from her Christmas tree because his parents weren't parenting. He is one half of the dynamic duo who also clogged the toilet at my future IL's house a few years ago.

    God they annoy the shit out of me.

    Stick to your guns if you can- I envy you.


    ETF: typos
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    doeydodoeydo member
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    If I were to get married, heck no I wouldn't want kids there either.  The crying, pooping/peeing/puking, and just general bratty behaviour drives me up the wall.  I can be around kids for a little bit, but after a few hours I am itching to get away.  Even the "good kids" still have a high voice and are annoying after a while.  There is nothing wrong with me disliking children that way.  I do no not anything bad to them or treat them with disrespect.  Of course I don't plan on having kids, why would I?  
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    doeydodoeydo member
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    lolo883 said:
    If I were to get married, heck no I wouldn't want kids there either.  The crying, pooping/peeing/puking, and just general bratty behaviour drives me up the wall.  I can be around kids for a little bit, but after a few hours I am itching to get away.  Even the "good kids" still have a high voice and are annoying after a while.  There is nothing wrong with me disliking children that way.  I do no not anything bad to them or treat them with disrespect.  Of course I don't plan on having kids, why would I?  
    What the hell kind of kids do you hang out with who are puking and shitting all over the place?
    Babies.
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    lavenderfields13lavenderfields13 member
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    OP I also think siblings' children is a good compromise as it's different than second cousins. i don't think 2 kids will ruin the wedding either. The only young kids we're inviting are my niece and nephew.

    I wouldn't want a ton of small children at my wedding either. I'm not a kid person. I do want my own kids someday though. My mom is the same way, she really doesn't like kids besides babies but yet she has been an amazing mother to me and my brother. You don't have to love all kids or want them at your wedding to be a good mother.
     




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    novella1186novella1186 member
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    OP, when I was a kid my dad's best friend got married (who I'd known since I was born pretty much) and he didn't invite my sister or I because they had a child-free wedding. I remember being sad that he didn't want me there, until my parents explained that it's THEIR wedding so they can do it how they want, and with no other kids there I'd be bored anyway. So then I forgot about it.

    Now that I'm an adult, something-- for whatever reason-- made me remember not being invited to that wedding and I thought "Ooooh. NOW I get it! Child free wedding, good call!" Ha.

    Don't worry about the cousins' kids getting upset. As a PP said, this is a good time for them to learn that they don't get everything they want. Do what you want, that's right for YOU and your FI, and as long as the two of you are happy with the decision, it's gonna be fine.
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    kat1114kat1114 member
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    edited December 2014
    AddieCake said:
    Now I'm picturing a bunch of half-dressed kids running around peeing, pooping, and puking like some kind of Best Christmas Pageant Ever scenario.
    Total side track, but I brought that book up at work last week, and no one had heard of it! I was saddened by their lack of awesomeness.
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    drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
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    CMGragain said:

    Re-read your post, sweetie.  You said terrible things about your feelings about children.  If you repeat any of what I bolded in my post, you will insult a lot of people with your prejudice and intolerance of youngsters.  I was offended.
    It is one thing to want an adults only wedding.  It is quite another to say "I do not like small children."

    I can only be around children for a small amount of time because I find children annoying.

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    kat1114 said:
    AddieCake said:
    Now I'm picturing a bunch of half-dressed kids running around peeing, pooping, and puking like some kind of Best Christmas Pageant Ever scenario.
    Total side track, but I brought that book up at work last week, and no one had heard of it! I was saddened by their lack of awesomeness.

    That hurts my heart. Hey! Unto you a child is born!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    kat1114 said:


    AddieCake said:

    Now I'm picturing a bunch of half-dressed kids running around peeing, pooping, and puking like some kind of Best Christmas Pageant Ever scenario.

    Total side track, but I brought that book up at work last week, and no one had heard of it! I was saddened by their lack of awesomeness.

    That makes me sad. That was one of my favorites when I was a kid.
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