Hi!
My fiance and I moved across country last year.
I have two out of town BMs and one local BM. The wedding venue is about 1 hr 45 minutes from my house and 45 minutes from my mom and local BMs house. From my house to my mom/local BMs residence is around 1 hour 15 mins. Many of our guests (including my BMs and the GMs) will be traveling long distances to attend and be with us on this day (cross country). We chose our venue as we are allowed to camp and have a bonfire with our guests on the property of the venue, and we also have the Friday before the wedding to decorate the venue, do the rehearsal, etc. And, well, because we really fell in love with the farm and pavilion.
As I will be staying with my mom for three days before the wedding as well as the fact that she has two extra bedrooms, I offered the rooms to my OOT BMs (and their plus ones) as well as my car (as I will have a VW bus running by the time of our wedding). They've both indicated that they would prefer to have hotels and possibly rent cars.
My idea was to get all of our nails done on Thursday night and do some type of bach party that night as well. And then to get up early Friday and take the decorations to the venue then have the rehearsal Friday morning/early afternoon. My fiance and I wanted to have a "rehearsal dinner"/"open house" at our house in a gorgeous lake community (think summer camp or state park) as it is truly one of a kind and many of our out of town guests will not get another chance for a long time to visit us and see our new home! (Also, the groom's party/family will be staying at our house and a friend's cabin) We thought we could rent the community house that overlooks the beach and has the best views of the marina and lake, order pizza and tell people that if they'd like to visit and see our home to swing by between 3pm-7pm. I realize that our house is very far from the venue and where people will be staying, but I thought this would be a good way for guests (many of our good friends from across the country) to hang out with us in a less "formal" setting than the wedding, to interact/meet the other guests, and to see our house.
However, when I mentioned this to my bridesmaids I came away feeling like this would be truly inconsiderate to ask my guests to travel so far as well as to them since gas is expensive and it's a lot of drive (even though I've indicated this was not mandatory and offered to carpool and let them borrow my car). My local BM also mentioned that she would be unable to take Friday off work to help set up the venue or to be at the rehearsal since I was planning to have the rehearsal in the late morning/early afternoon (all of my BMs had offered to help bring stuff to the venue and do the small bit of decor that we need to do... I'm having a coordinator/designer for the day of to handle the major stuff like tables... this is more dropping off the sodas, stocking the fridge at the venue with ice, hopefully small stuff). She also stressed several times that I SHOULD have my rehearsal dinner in the same town as the venue, and that it would stress my oot guests and confuse them greatly. My OOT BMs also mentioned that they could not fly in until Thursday night which most likely means they would not make it to a spa night/bach party night (previously they'd told me I was not allowed to plan my own bach party which we'd discuss as taking place Thursday night).
What I want to know is... is it bridezilla-ish of me to just say:
I will be doing my nails on Thursday night and would love for you to be here (and if you're here, I'll pay to have your nails done). Since it seems like you might not be here for Thursday bach party, my back up plan is to have a bottle of wine (to share) and paint with my mom and her artistic painter/quilter/crafter of all types friend (because painting is fun and relaxing!) on Thursday evening after nails. I'd love your help for setting up the venue Friday morning, but understand if you can't make it. The rehearsal will be late morning/early afternoon, and I'll be going home (which is 1hr 45 mins from rehearsal) from 3pm-7pm so that oot guests can come see my house and have pizza, beer, a fire, and play on the lake (we've got a canoe and friends with speedboats/pontoons). You're more than welcome, and I have plenty of room to carpool with all of you and your plus ones. I'll be leaving my home at 7pm and getting back to my mom's house around 8:30pm to relax and go to sleep before the big wedding day. I understand if you can't/don't want to travel that far, but this is what my fiance and I would like to do.
The above is what I discussed with my fiance because I ended up crying after the FB message convo with my bridesmaids. My f iance and I discussed scratching the whole thing of going to our home and just not throwing a rehearsal dinner, but I'd really like to be home for a few hours the day before my wedding and to have all of our friends who we moved away from to see our new place and get to enjoy it with us for a few brief hours.
I don't want to be a bridezilla. I want to enjoy my/our day. Have as much time with my out of town guests and bridesmaids, and just have a really relaxed few pre-wedding days. I don't really feel the need to have a "rehearsal dinner" that's at the location of the venue. I drive between the venue and my house as well as my house and my mom's house quite often, so the distance doesn't bother me, but maybe it would be different for my guests? Is this rude/inconsiderate? Any suggestions on how to handle the situation?