Children/babies at the reception

YogaSandy · February 2015

Also.

I totally get that not everyone wants our kid around all the time. Our reproductive choices should never be a burden on others. If someone doesn't want kids invited, don't invite my son. Fair enough. No hurt feelings. However, if your wedding is out of town, this will probably mean I cannot attend (especially if still breastfeeding). And I would NEVER EVER leave my child with some babysitter I didn't know. Not an option.

But, if you just told me you only wanted my kid there as a prop so you could have a pretty wedding with pretty pictures, we would not be coming (even if you were my sister). And this is basically what you told FSIL. Have my kid as a ring bearer because you love him. Children are people and not props. I would never let someone treat my child with that much disrespect.

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

Maggie0829 · February 2015

MagicInk said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

levioosa said:

Anyone invited to the ceremony must also be invited to the reception. This includes children. Asking a child to be a part of the ceremony only to kick them to the curb afterwards turns them in photo props for pictures. You are devaluing them by declaring they're only good enough to make your pictures look good, and that they're not worth celebrating with. Although the child *might* not totally understand what is happening, their parents definitely will, and it's going to negatively impact your relationship with them. Trust the parents to parent appropriately and remove the children if necessary. But it's their call, not yours. Also, no one is going to outshine you. It's completely ridiculous that you even have that concern. If you continue with that attitude you are heading full steam ahead towards bridezilla territory.

Watch out! You don't want to be judging or threatening people here!

We are not here to judge. Or point out etiquette blunders.Or tell people they're wrong. Or curse. Or be sarcastic. Or tell people the honest truth. Or keep them from becoming bridezillas.

Wait...what the fuck are we even doing here?

For the puppy/kitten/animal gifs. Duh!

sarahufl · February 2015

I think PPs covered the total rudeness of your post and you really should be ashamed of yourself.

But here is what we did at our wedding, if it is helpful. I love kids, H loves kids. We have big families- there were probably 15 people under the age of 10 at our wedding.

We had a designated kids table. I asked my cousins with 3 year olds if they wanted to seat them at their own table or with their older cousins. They actually chose to put their kids at the kids table. Before I get crucified for splitting up a 3 year old from his parents, keep in mind that the table was full of their older cousins with whom they spend tons of time and get along with. The kids table was situated in the middle of a circle of all the parents of said kids so they could be close by. The got toys and games and had a blast.

I have three young nieces (2 were 9 months old at the time and one was 2) and 2 other cousins under 2. They got high chairs that were already set up at the table with their parents. The sister of one of my college BFFs lives in my town. I paid her and her friend each 50 bucks and invited them to come whenever they wanted to the wedding- they were allowed to eat and dance, just not consume alcohol.

I told the parents of the youngest ones that there was a room in the back with 2 (responsible, vetted) college girls, some toys and some pack and plays. They were welcome to use or not use that room for their children. Turns out only one of my nieces fell asleep and the 2 babysitters sat in there with her.

I would never have pushed the sitters on my sister, brother or cousins. But I made it clear that the option was there. They were grateful. Oh, and you know where the other little niece was? Dancing up a storm. And if this little peanut wants to steal my thunder, I am totally ok with that.

Heffalump · February 2015

Knottie15631923 said:

Situation: We don't mind the children being at the ceremony (obviously) and we figured they could come to the beginning of the reception to get some food but feel that it would be inappropriate to have them stay for the entire time. It's going to be really loud, 5 hour open bar so you know people will get intoxicated and quite frankly, it's our day and we would like the attention to be on us, not the new baby.

Since the new baby/attention issue has been ably addressed, I just want to weigh in on the potential drunkenness thing; I've seen it mentioned on here before, and it puzzles me. Like, if my kids had alcoholic parents, that would be bad news. But seeing someone drunk at a reception is not going to scar my tender children for life. Hell, we were visiting New Orleans once, our dinner took longer than we expected one night, and we ended up having to cross Bourbon Street with our then-two-year-old in a stroller at like 8:30 p.m. Certainly not the worst thing the French Quarter has to offer, but not exactly Sesame Street, either. And yet my kid's morals seem to be safe and sound.

If I'm someplace with them that's too loud, I move them somewhere quieter, or leave. If people were so wasted that they were starting fistfights on the dance floor, then I'd clear out--kids or not. But some tipsy groomsman hitting on some guest at the next table is not even going to register, let alone cause problems.

And most kids are on a fairly regular schedule. If they're up much past bedtime, they become monsters, and their parents will take them home and put them to bed. Not because they're anxious about Your Special Day (TM), but because they don't want their kids (or themselves) to be miserable. If they have 3 kids, this isn't their first rodeo--trust that they know their kids better than you do and can handle them competently.

ohannabelle · February 2015

sarahufl said:

I think PPs covered the total rudeness of your post and you really should be ashamed of yourself.

But here is what we did at our wedding, if it is helpful. I love kids, H loves kids. We have big families- there were probably 15 people under the age of 10 at our wedding.

We had a designated kids table. I asked my cousins with 3 year olds if they wanted to seat them at their own table or with their older cousins. They actually chose to put their kids at the kids table. Before I get crucified for splitting up a 3 year old from his parents, keep in mind that the table was full of their older cousins with whom they spend tons of time and get along with. The kids table was situated in the middle of a circle of all the parents of said kids so they could be close by. The got toys and games and had a blast.

I have three young nieces (2 were 9 months old at the time and one was 2) and 2 other cousins under 2. They got high chairs that were already set up at the table with their parents. The sister of one of my college BFFs lives in my town. I paid her and her friend each 50 bucks and invited them to come whenever they wanted to the wedding- they were allowed to eat and dance, just not consume alcohol.

I told the parents of the youngest ones that there was a room in the back with 2 (responsible, vetted) college girls, some toys and some pack and plays. They were welcome to use or not use that room for their children. Turns out only one of my nieces fell asleep and the 2 babysitters sat in there with her.

I would never have pushed the sitters on my sister, brother or cousins. But I made it clear that the option was there. They were grateful. Oh, and you know where the other little niece was? Dancing up a storm. And if this little peanut wants to steal my thunder, I am totally ok with that.

Behold, special snowflakes: This is how it's done. Note how at every stage of planning the hostess was considering her guests and their comfort. Please note that the super adorable baby did not confuse any guests, or ruin the day with her special super adorable scene stealing powers. Also note that sarahufl did not suffer undue attention deprivation, was easily identifiable as the bride, and was successfully married.

mollybarker11 · February 2015

Heffalump said:

Knottie15631923 said:

Situation: We don't mind the children being at the ceremony (obviously) and we figured they could come to the beginning of the reception to get some food but feel that it would be inappropriate to have them stay for the entire time. It's going to be really loud, 5 hour open bar so you know people will get intoxicated and quite frankly, it's our day and we would like the attention to be on us, not the new baby.
Since the new baby/attention issue has been ably addressed, I just want to weigh in on the potential drunkenness thing; I've seen it mentioned on here before, and it puzzles me. Like, if my kids had alcoholic parents, that would be bad news. But seeing someone drunk at a reception is not going to scar my tender children for life. Hell, we were visiting New Orleans once, our dinner took longer than we expected one night, and we ended up having to cross Bourbon Street with our then-two-year-old in a stroller at like 8:30 p.m. Certainly not the worst thing the French Quarter has to offer, but not exactly Sesame Street, either. And yet my kid's morals seem to be safe and sound.

If I'm someplace with them that's too loud, I move them somewhere quieter, or leave. If people were so wasted that they were starting fistfights on the dance floor, then I'd clear out--kids or not. But some tipsy groomsman hitting on some guest at the next table is not even going to register, let alone cause problems.

I couldn't understand this either!! My family drinks & celebrates loudly on holidays with children present and I don't find that inappropriate! As long as there's someone sober enough to mind the children, there is nothing wrong with them being in the same room as intoxicated people.

Knottie87702627 · February 2015

Since you have asked your future nephew to be in the wedding you are now in a situation where you have to accept your FSIL decision as to what to do with the children. What if someone you invited was still breast feeding their baby? would you insist that they not come? I was at a wedding this past summer, I sat at a table with THE MOST ADORABLE little premature baby I have ever seen. I even had to hold him while his mother peed (the father was at the head table, the Best Man in fact). Sitting at the table with a gorgeous baby in no way took my attention away from the Bride and Groom. The mother left on the first shuttle back to the hotel with her son to put him to bed. No one was disturbed, we all enjoyed the wedding and the couple didn't even really notice the baby. I am sure it will be fine. The parents will sort out what is best for their family, remember they will soon be YOUR family too. Just call this one a pass, leave it alone, invite them ALL to EVERYTHING, if you need to appoligize for your "momentary lapse" do so and then move on. You can't tell parents what to do, you have invited the whole family, please do not burn bridges this early in building your new family. Let them make the decisions for their children. Make sure you order a child's meal from the caterer (they are usually cheaper) and maybe print one of those wedding colouring books and put it at the table for the older boy. It will all be fine, you will be the centre of attention on your wedding day no matter what happens or who is there. After all, you are the one in the white dress.

poodledoodleooo · February 2015

Since everyone here has already harped on the fact that, sorry, you need to invite these kiddos to the reception and let their mom determine how long they stay, I'll share my experience with little kids at my wedding.

We had several babies who were there. Some kids left early. We also had some little ones there nearly all night. My 3 year old niece was the queen of the dance floor. She got everyone, grandmas, other kids, my adult friends, cousins, to dance with her. Seriously, my wedding would have not been nearly as fun without her. She was fist-pumping party-starter!

She left at about 11 p.m. when her older sister (aged 7) just couldn't stay awake anymore. She was still going though and keeps telling me I have to get married again so I can have another wedding party.

So don't worry about it. Kids/babies won't break your wedding or steal your thunder. When they can't handle it anymore, their parents will parent them and take them home. It's not your job to worry about this.

jenijoyk · February 2015

There were about 5 babies at my reception. We still had an open bar. People still got wasted. A guy still fell in the fountain. The entire dance floor still went nuts. Most of the babies slept through everything. No one ignored me because there were babies present that were cuter than me. Yes, one of my bridesmaids kind of lost her mind for a second and asked if I wanted her to carry her baby down the aisle with her (answer: "Umm.... You know I love Little Susie, but.... I think.... no on that..... is that ok? Yeah definitely no....." and she regained her sanity and her baby was happy in her dad's lap through the ceremony.)

I am giving you the benefit of the doubt and believe you are probably not a terrible person and that you have just fallen into the wedding planning rabbit hole that renders otherwise reasonable people completely insane when it comes to weddings (see e.g., my bridesmaid example). Take a deep breath. Let the super tiny number of babies and toddlers stay at the wedding if their parents want them too, and believe that you will NOT even notice their presence.

drunkenwitch · February 2015

Now I am picturing a reception where the guests spend the entire time just staring at the HC. No talking, no dancing, just staring at the bride and groom. The.Entire.Time.

Yowsa, is that what you want? Shudder, even that thought will give me nightmares

Vivandiere8 · March 2015

My nephews who were I believe one and two and a half at the time both came to the wedding and reception. Most of the time I didn't know they were there. The youngest slept in one of those convertible car seats when it got later, and his brother only called attention to himself by dancing on the side of the dance floor and being a joy to watch. At one point in the night he did slip and fall and cried for about thirty seconds and that was that.

It's fine not to want kids and not invite them, but i think a lot of times people picture all sort of horror stories of kids at wedding (knocking the cake over, throwing hour long tantrums, etc) but in reality this is pretty rare. Most kids are fine, even a delight, and most parents will remove them themselves if the kids start to get cranky as it gets late. I have been to many weddings with kids, sometimes even lots of kids, and I never saw any problems from them. Not saying it doesn't happen, but odds are you will be stressing about nothing.

Children/babies at the reception

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