***removed*** at wedding. HELP!

Re: ***removed*** at wedding. HELP!

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  KatWAG member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  Well you are wrong.

  
  

  

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  lyndausvi mod

  

  June 2015

  I hung out with 7 of my 9 BM's the morning of.  The other 2 showed up in their dresses, makeup and hair done around 3pm (wedding was at 5:30).  We started pictures at 3.  I didn't have any getting ready pictures.   Not my style.   

  
  

  The only reason the 7 were with me that early was  we were all staying in the same house.    

  
  

  
  

  I get wanting them around, but it's not a tragedy if they are not.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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  Knottie1431006189 member

  

  June 2015

  bostonbride2015 said:

  Knottie1431006189 said:

  bostonbride2015 said:

  Look, I get the annoyance.  My bridemaids are spending the morning of my wedding hanging out with me and getting ready together, which is pretty common.  We tell brides here that you only get ONE day, but you do get the day, and I would be a little sad if one of my bridesmaids had her attention was torn that day between a huge career-defining test and my wedding.  

  
  

  Also, for those of you saying she may have to delay law school a year if she doesn't take the test on this date--law school applications, with very rare exceptions, are due in February or March.  Assuming that we are talking about the October test date here (which is what it sounds like), taking the December LSAT would still allow her to apply during the upcoming February/March admissions cycle.  Most law schools will even accept scores from the February administration of the test as well, meaning there are two other potential dates between now and the next admissions cycle for this bridesmaids to choose from.  I bet that's where the "just reschedule the test" line of thinking is coming from.

  
  

  BUT the LSAT is a big deal.  A very big deal. It requires a lot of prep, is is only offered 4 times a year, and it is a necessary and huge step in the law school applications process.  You can not force this bridesmaid to reschedule her LSAT.  You should also not be forcing your wedding party to decorate the morning of the ceremony--they can volunteer to do so but should not be "voluntold," and really it's better to hire someone to do those sorts of things.  All you can do is wish her good luck and tell her you'll see her whenever she can get there, and focus on your future spouse and not your bridal party's career decisions.

  
  

  
  

  Sorry, I still can't understand the 'rescheduling' line of thinking. Its not like she will ONLY be busy that one day for the test, this requires months of studying. Fall is a pretty busy season and she will need the few months leading up to December to study. Maybe the 3 months before the other date work better for her.

  
  

  I'm not disagreeing with you, just mentioning that you have to plan around more than just the actual test date.

  
  

  You absolutely do.  If she's ready to take it in October, she's ready to take it in October.  Maybe she's busy on the December and February dates as well.  Maybe she can't study between October and December/February and is worried she will backslide on her studying if she doesn't get the test over with this fall.  I was just pointing out that there are two other available test dates for the upcoming admissions cycle, which may be why OP and his FI think rescheduling the test is simple.  In reality it's not, but I can see why someone who looked at the available LSAT test dates might think so.

  
  

  Good point! I hope they read this.

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  jacques27 member

  

  June 2015 edited June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  
  *****************************************************************
  By that token, life isn't a Hallmark movie, boy, and the world doesn't revolve around your wedding.
  

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  ShesSoCold mod

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  But the world does revolve around putting on makeup and putting together bouquets? You're asking someone to put their life on hold for your party. Think about that for a minute. And grow up. 

  
  

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  VulgarGirl member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. So you need to fucking help her. That is your job. It is your wedding too. Your penis will survive. I promise. You'll even be straight at the end of it.

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". Ok...so the fuck what? Sounds like she finally figure out what she wants to do in life. Not everyone knows right out of high school. And most people who become civil rights attorneys do so to help enact change. That's the motherfucking point.

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. What the fuck? Who the fuck are you to judge her fucking career choices?

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. Someone ain't actually watched Lifetime, that shit is about running from your abusive husband when you have brain tumor and a gay daughter. Also...the world doesn't revolve around your motherfucking wedding and decorating for the motherfucking wedding.

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. Why? As long as she's there in her dress before the march down the aisle, she's fine. What if she needed to get her pussy waxed before? Or had kids to take care of before the wedding? Or just didn't fucking want to fucking decorate? Ain't her motherfucking job to tie bows onto chairs for your fucking wedding.

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. You mean people who think they are the center of the universe as well? Yes. You will find those people. Just wait, SS motherfuckers always show up.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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  novella1186 member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  The first bolded doesn't change a thing. Doesn't matter if your wedding has 10000000 guests or 10 guests. The members of your wedding party should be your dearest friends whom you care about and respect, and they're allowed to have their own lives and priorities. 

  
  

  Second bolded: you sound extremely judgmental, and none of that is any of your damn business. Lots of people change majors and career paths. That doesn't make their current career path a joke or not worth their time or whatever. This is obviously really important to her. Leave it alone and stop with the insults and judgments. You're hurting your case, not hers. 

  

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  simcal18 member

  

  June 2015

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  bostonbride2015 said:

  Look, I get the annoyance.  My bridemaids are spending the morning of my wedding hanging out with me and getting ready together, which is pretty common.  We tell brides here that you only get ONE day, but you do get the day, and I would be a little sad if one of my bridesmaids had her attention was torn that day between a huge career-defining test and my wedding.  You'd be bummed out if someone wasn't devoting all her attention to you? That's what I hear you saying.  I just don't get that line of thinking.  I never thought my wedding day was THE day that everyone should focus their attentions on me.  For me, it was the day I was finally marrying DH and I was very excited to do that and then have a huge, kick ass party with all of my family and friends.
  
  I've been a BM like 10+ times.  Even for my BBF I can tell you that I was not lavishing attention on the bride the entirety of her wedding day.  That's just not how it works.
  

  
  

  Also, for those of you saying she may have to delay law school a year if she doesn't take the test on this date--law school applications, with very rare exceptions, are due in February or March.  Assuming that we are talking about the October test date here (which is what it sounds like), taking the December LSAT would still allow her to apply during the upcoming February/March admissions cycle.  Most law schools will even accept scores from the February administration of the test as well, meaning there are two other potential dates between now and the next admissions cycle for this bridesmaids to choose from.  I bet that's where the "just reschedule the test" line of thinking is coming from.

  
  

  BUT the LSAT is a big deal.  A very big deal. It requires a lot of prep, is is only offered 4 times a year, and it is a necessary and huge step in the law school applications process.  You can not force this bridesmaid to reschedule her LSAT.  You should also not be forcing your wedding party to decorate the morning of the ceremony--they can volunteer to do so but should not be "voluntold," and really it's better to hire someone to do those sorts of things.  All you can do is wish her good luck and tell her you'll see her whenever she can get there, and focus on your future spouse and not your bridal party's career decisions.

  
  

  "Lavishing attention?"  No.  Spending time with me on a very important day in my life?  Yes.  I've been in several weddings.  Every wedding I've been in the bridesmaids started hair and makeup around 9 AM.  Hair, makeup, and brunch/lunch usually took up the entire morning and early afternoon until we left for pictures around 2:00 or 3:00.  Then we'd be off to the ceremony and reception.  If one of my bridesmaids had to miss the morning and potentially some bridal party pictures, I'd be a little sad.  Would I be devastated?  No.  Would I kick her out of the bridal party or replace her?  No.  But I'd be a little bummed.  

  
  

  Also, I've taken the LSAT.  I've taken the bar exam.  I was pretty exhausted after both (more so after the bar, but the LSAT was no picnic either).  If I had the LSAT and a wedding on the same day, there is no question that the LSAT would be getting more of my attention, and I'd probably find it hard to fully enjoy the wedding and be present for my friend--I'd be too mentally drained, worried about my score, and going over questions I think I might have missed in my head.

  
  

  That having been said, if this girl needs to take the LSAT the day of this wedding, she needs to take it.  There's nothing OP can do but be gracious about it, and it's beyond over the top to be considering kicking her out of the WP or encouraging her to reschedule the exam.

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  [Deleted User] member

  

  June 2015 edited June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  That's wonderful that you're practical people who are not having an expensive wedding.  You can buy some class with all that extra money.  I'm not saying what she's doing is going to win her the "best friend of the year" award.   I agreed that it's frustrating and disappointing; however, that doesn't give you a right to blast her career ambitions or her choices.   It sounds like you're looking for a reason to boot this friend in the first place.   Does she know how you and your Fi really feel about her?   Maybe you should tell her and then she'll probably drop out of the wedding on her own.  I know I wouldn't continue to be friends with a couple that thinks THAT badly of me. 

  
  

   She might be taking a huge test on your wedding day and that's (again) frustrating.   You can think it's rude in your mind if you like.   But, again, I feel like you're harboring negative feelings about this person that go beyond this test on your wedding day.   Your opinions on her choices makes it clear you've been judging her for a long time.    If that's the case, then tell her your upset and see what happens.  Kick her out of the wedding and end the friendship because you don't agree with her lifestyle/choices. 
  

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  photokitty mod

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Absolutely none of this matters.

  
  

  She is taking the test. It is her priority. She gets to decide what is important to her. If she can make it to the ceremony in time than your FI should be happy - presuming she select this woman to be in the WP she loves her and values her as a friend. She thinks she can do both - it would  never occur to many women that they have to work all morning and fawn all over the bride for hours on end. No BM is obligated to do any of the things you mentioned.

  
  

  If she can't attend both, then she can choose. She should never be replaced, regardless of if she decides she can't attend the wedding due to other proprieties. To replace her would not on be an insult to her, but the second string stand in that gets the JOB.

  
  

  You are the groom. This woman is not your concern. This matter is solely between your FI and her BM. You need to chill out and remove yourself from the situation. It's not even your hill to die on.

  
  

  FWIW - my husband did the table decorations and centerpieces all by himself for our wedding that morning. You should follow his lead, he's super awesome!

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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  TrixieJess member

  

  June 2015 edited June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  

  SITB

  
  

  To the bolded. There are lots of people with common sense here. They are giving you advice. No one is going to agree with you because you are wrong. You are being selfish and you are asking someone to change something that is very important to them and is very difficult. 

  
  

  1) they didn't schedule it on your wedding, whomever invigilates the exam usually schedules them.

  2) Who cares if she went through 3-4 majors before settling on this, Hello!? That's the point of University, to figure out what you want to be when you grow up. 

  3) She never said she wasn't going to show up for the wedding. All she has to do is don a pretty dress and stand there, relatively sober and celebrate with you. 

  4) Put on your big boy pants and suck it up that you cannot control other people's lives.

  ETA: effing boxes!

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  LondonLisa member

  

  June 2015 edited June 2015

  OP, why can't you do the bouquets or decorate? I mean, it is YOUR wedding, not this BMs.
  
  I'm more eye rolling at a bride who needs to be lavished in attention instead of being happy with a friend. Talk about "irresponsible millennial stereotypes".
  
  And changing her major a few times, now wanting to go to a great university and fight to make a positive impact in the world? God, what a dick! Doesn't she know your fiancé needs attention????

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  redoryx member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  

  
  

  Pretty sure the only thing this clarified is that you and your FI are even more selfish and judgmental than I originally thought.

  
  

  You are planning a party. She is planning a career. 

  
  

  Career trumps party. End of story.

  

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  redoryx member

  

  June 2015

  Also, you seem to think that an LSAT is just some run of the mill average exam. People who have already passed and done well don't just take it for a second time for the hell of it. 

  

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  Knottie63176412 member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie29408529 said:

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  That's wonderful that you're practical people who are not having an expensive wedding.  You can buy some class with all that extra money.  I'm not saying what she's doing is going to win her the "best friend of the year" award.   I agreed that it's frustrating and disappointing; however, that doesn't give you a right to blast her career ambitions or her choices.   It sounds like you're looking for a reason to boot this friend in the first place.   Does she know how you and your Fi really feel about her?   Maybe you should tell her and then she'll probably drop out of the wedding on her own.  I know I wouldn't continue to be friends with a couple that thinks THAT badly of me. 

  
  

   She might be taking a huge test on your wedding day and that's (again) frustrating.   You can think it's rude in your mind if you like.   But, again, I feel like you're harboring negative feelings about this person that go beyond this test on your wedding day.   Your opinions on her choices makes it clear you've been judging her for a long time.    If that's the case, then tell her your upset and see what happens.  Kick her out of the wedding and end the friendship because you don't agree with her lifestyle/choices. 
  

  Yes, this.

  
  

  "You need to reschedule your LSAT and help us out with our special day because your career choices are unrealistic anyway."

  
  

  Everything else will take care of itself.  

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  AuroraRose41 member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  

  
  

  BOXES

  
  

  Others covered how absolutely selfish and judgemental you sound, but to the bolded, guess what: Many of the Ivy Leagues have top law schools, and are hard to get into. Even if she did "well" on the LSAT, it still might not have been enough to get into one of those. On top of that, many schools will give scholarship money to people with top LSAT scores, so she might be trying to do what she loves without incurring more debt! 

  
  

  Stop being judgemental, help your bride out with decorating, and stop stressing over something that has no effect on you or your wedding! 

  
  

  
  

  
  

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  NowIamMrsKlein member

  

  June 2015

  My little sister is due this summer, and won't be getting ready with us the morning of the wedding as she will have a fairly newborn child.

  
  

  I sure think its selfish of her to schedule having a baby on my wedding. How on EARTH am I supposed to get my hair and makeup done and get into my dress without her??
  
  
  
  

  

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  Knottie1434082956 member

  

  June 2015

  I stick by my original sentiment. It's rude to schedule an event when you're scheduled to participate in a wedding. 

  
  

  We will handle this accordingly. 

  
  

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  NowIamMrsKlein member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  I stick by my original sentiment. It's rude to schedule an event when you're scheduled to participate in a wedding. 

  
  

  We will handle this accordingly. 

  
  

  
  

  People's lives do not revolve around your wedding! 

  
  

  Handle it accordingly???? Please update us with how well that goes for you. I hope that you guys are prepared to lose a friendship. But then again, obviously you don't think very highly of this woman, so perhaps that's your goal?

  

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  southernbelle0915 mod

  

  June 2015

  What time is your actual ceremony?

  *********************************************************************************

  
  

  

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  redoryx member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  I stick by my original sentiment. It's rude to schedule an event when you're scheduled to participate in a wedding. 

  
  

  We will handle this accordingly. 

  
  

  If this means you're kicking her out, you're actually doing her a favor. 

  
  

  With friends like these....

  

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  bb2016 member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  I really wanted to be sympathetic to you OP, but really you sound like a very selfish and judgement person. If the world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career paths, it sure as heck doesn't revolve around your wedding. And as far as those people with common sense that will agree with you, they probably don't want to tell you to your face that you're being ridiculous about this whole thing. Just because you and your FI have decided to get married and someone has agreed to be a part of your big day doesn't mean that all of the decisions in their life from the time period that you ask them until you get married have to be approved by you and your FI. Yes most girls want their BMs to be with them on the day of the wedding, but they are not required to be.

  Your FI can be disappointed, but asking her to reschedule is ridiculous. 
  

  
  

  Also, if the BM did so well on her LSAT I feel like that invalidates your point even more about her having an "unrealistic career path". Sounds like it could be a very realistic career path. Not everyone is sure of what they want to do when they start college. 

  
  

  
  

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  ShesSoCold mod

  

  June 2015

  Please send you BM here. I'd like to hear this from her perspective. And offer her my condolences for having such shitty friends.

  
  

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  ohmrs2014 mod

  

  June 2015

  southernbelle0915 said:

  What time is your actual ceremony?

  
  

  This is the question being asked over and over again and yet its not being answered.

  
  

  Your bridal party is in no way responsible for helping you decorate or get ready for the day, that's your job and your responsibility.  

  
  

  Two of my girls stayed with me at the hotel the night before and the other girl (DHs sister) got ready with her mom the following day.  DHs sister wasn't in any of the getting ready pictures or some of the pictures we took before the ceremony and she was totally fine with it, as was I.   

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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  thisismynickname2 member

  

  June 2015

  I watch Lifetime. Lifetime is about cheating, sexual abuse, kidnapping, and generally fucked-up relationships.

  
  

  I think if you do "handle this accordingly" aka kick out the bridesmaid or tell her to reschedule, then you'll have created yourself a Lifetime special. 

  
  

  I'll have my popcorn ready! 

  ________________________________

  
  

  
  

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  PrettyGirlLost member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  There's some very passionate responses here. 

  
  

  Let me clarify a few things.

  
  

  My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests.
  
  Asking a friend or family member supposedly close enough to you to be a BM, to reschedule an exam that has major implications on her career prospects, because it's on the same day as your wedding, IS bridezilla behavior.  Your wedding is your priority, and your FI's priority, but it's not that BM's priority or anyone else.  Everyone will be happy and excited for you, but your wedding is still just another wedding for your guests.  I'm not trying to be a jerk, I'm just being honest.
  
  And given what other PP's have said about the LSAT, it's only offred 4 times a year and the BM may not have know exactly when the dates were when she committed to being in the wedding.
  

  
  

  The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 
  
  Then you need to help her, or you both need to hire someone else to help you do these things.  If people offer to help you, it's fine to accept their offers, but your FI can't EXPECT the BMs or anyone else to help her set up for her wedding, or help her with her make up, or with making the bouquets.  Reread what PPS and myself have said about being a BM.  They have no "job" or "duties" other than showing up on time, sober, and in the appropriate dress for the wedding ceremony.
  

  
  

  The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. Older as in what?  Older than you?  How old are you and your FI, even?  I mean based on this post, I'd guess you were very young, younger than me.  See what I did there?  You are being super judgmental about this person.  You should be happy for her that she has graduated, her age is irrelevant.  Wasn't there a news story recently of like a 100 year old finally graduating highschool or college?  She's free to change her major as many times as she feels necessary.  Most people do it at least once in their undergrad careers.  It's really naive to think that at 18years old everyone has a firm grasp on what careers they want and therefore what their majors should be.  Plus, you can enter college with on path in mind, take a class that is outside your "plan," absolutely love it, and then choose to change career goals and thus majors.   She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. None of this is any of your business.  These comments are irrelevant to this discussion and just make you sound very judgmental.  She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. That's her choice.  I missed the part in your OP where you said you were head of admissions for an Ivy League law school, and thus have the authority to determine what a very good LSAT score is.  She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system".  This seems very glib.  Would you prefer it if she became a divorce attorney that helps screw couples out of their money, or perhaps a corporate or torte lawyer that helps people sue everyone else?
  

  
  

  This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. Of course she's not a lawyer yet! She hasn't been accepted into a fucking law school yet, much less graduate and passed the bar.  But she's attempting to do all of those things, and in her mind taking the LSATs again is part of that path.
  

  
  

  This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects.   Hey guess what, buddy?  The world certainly doesn't revolve around your wedding either.  Get over yourself.  Again, I missed the part where you were God or a career counselor.  Where do you get the authority to judge what is unrealistic or not?
  

  
  

  You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding.  And most of us think you and your FI are being selfish.  You asked for our opinions, now you're not happy with them?
  

  
  

  I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me.   Oh I see, you were expecting validation.  Sorry dude, this is the wrong place for that.  You wanted opinions, we are giving them.  You are the one that sounds like the naive millennial now- they are often stereotyped as being selfish and entitled.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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  Knottie1434082956 member

  

  June 2015

  Ceremony is at 6pm. 

  
  

  You guys can bicker about the situation as much as you want. 

  
  

  I wanted opinions from other people involved in weddings. Most of your opinions are spiteful and lousy; have fun tearing each other apart. 

   
  

  
  

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  thisismynickname2 member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  Ceremony is at 6pm. 

  
  

  You guys can bicker about the situation as much as you want. 

  
  

  I wanted opinions from other people involved in weddings. Most of your opinions are spiteful and lousy; have fun tearing each other apart. 

   
  

  BOXES

  
  

  Seriously? Spiteful and lousy? Because we think women should focus on becoming lawyers than worshipping at the feet of a bride? You know what? I think you're sexist. Please leave. 

  
  

  ________________________________

  
  

  
  

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  spglsp member

  

  June 2015

  Knottie1434082956 said:

  I stick by my original sentiment. It's rude to schedule an event when you're scheduled to participate in a wedding. 

  
  

  We will handle this accordingly. 

  
  

  Oooh! Are you going to tell her you think she's a flighty millennial who can't cut it as a lawyer and should just resign herself to being an unpaid florist for your fiance? Are you going to tell her that you and your fiance consider it shameful that she didn't finish college at the same time you did and had the audacity to change her major along the way? Something tells me once she knows what you really think of her the bridesmaid problem will pretty much sort itself out, I certainly wouldn't want to stand up for a couple who felt this way about me.

  Just Married!

  
  

  
  

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  newvalley member

  

  June 2015

  The BM is required to be there at 5:55 pm. If she can handle a test before, great.  She is not your labor to set up or decorate.  Yes, one would normally think about scheduled events when taking a major exam, but perhaps she believes her job is to show up in the right dress and smile for the audiance at 6 pm.  What she does before that is her business.  Sorry, I do not agree w/ your issue.

   

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