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***removed*** at wedding. HELP!

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Re: ***removed*** at wedding. HELP!

  • edited June 2015
    This is a really sticky situation.  I can see the frustration of the bride, because that is a very long test that can take up a good portion of the day. I can see how she would be upset if this bridesmaid already committed to hair/makeup, etc. However, I see the bridesmaid's side of it too.  She's obviously trying to get herself ahead in life.  She may need to take that test now, so she can apply to schools in the fall and/or spring. 

    What time is the ceremony?   I think that's the determining factor here.  If the bridesmaid can't make the ceremony, after committing, then I understand how the bride would be upset.  But, at the same time, what can you do about it?   If she doesn't want to change the date of the test, then all you can do is be supportive.   If you asked her to step down from the wedding, then you have a friendship ending move. 


    SP29
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2015
    You are seriously over reacting. 

    The BM's job is to stand up in the ceremony. She does not need to be there early and there is nothing wrong with getting ready on her own time and showing up for pictures and for the ceremony. Expecting her (or any WP members) to decorate for the ceremony is totally inappropriate. WP members are not unpaid labor.

    The LSAT is only offered a few times each year. Asking her to move it could mean pushing back her law school application for a whole year. (And your judgmental attitude about her career choices does not negate this.) If someone asked me to move my LSAT for their wedding, I would be seriously wondering why I was friends with such a self centered person. 

    There is nothing for anyone to handle. Your FI can be disappointed that this person won't be getting ready with her, and then she can move on. She should probably apologize for asking the BM to move the test. You should both be focusing your energy on figuring out how to get your space decorated without making your friends work. 
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]novella1186SP29
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Bear with me, because I'm the groom. My fiancé is very reserved in these types of situations. 

    One of her bridesmaids has scheduled her LSAT exam on our wedding day. The exam would be at 8:30 am, and would last up to five hours.

    My fiancé will need all her bridesmaids to help her prepare for the ceremony. They will be decorating, doing makeup, taking photos, etc. 
    Bridesmaids are ceremonial positions of honor, in that the bride honors THEM by asking them to stand up with her during the ceremony.  BMs are not unpaid, slave labor.  Their only "job" is to show up, on time and sober, prior to the ceremony beginning.  If you and your FI need to set up your ceremony site, then you either need to do it yourselves, or you need to hire professionals to do it.

    Also, if her BM's wish to have their makeup and hair done with your FI, that's their prerogative.  But they may also choose to do it on their own, off site, and just show up ready for the event.  "Getting ready photos" are not necessary, and many people actually hate participating in them because they are not comfortable being photographed in various states of undress.  Your FI may really want to take these photos, but she should not make her friends and family uncomfortable by insisting they participate in them.

    This bridesmaid knew about the wedding date months before she schedule her LSAT. She already took the LSAT in February, and is taking it again to try to improve her score.  She basically changes her career choice every two years.  
    SO?  Didn't one of the Kennedy's have to take his Bar Exam like 8 times before he could actually pass it?  Not really your business or place to judge her, nor is it appropriate for your FI to do either.  This BM's career potential is more important to her than your wedding, and it sounds like she feels she can both retake the LSAT and make your ceremony on time. 

    My fiancé has already expressed her desire to have her reschedule the exam. The LSAT is available in December. 
    Your FI's  BM is not obligated to delay her applications to law school by waiting to retake this test in December.  Her career takes precedence over your wedding.  I think it's rude and presumptuous of either of you to even suggest that to this woman.

    Is it just me, or is this extremely rude? Who the hell schedules a huge exam on someones wedding day? And there will be a rehearsal dinner the night before. 
    No one HAS to attend the rehearsal, let alone the RD which is just hosted to thank everyone for attending the rehearsal.  Adults really don't need to practice lining up and walking down an aisle.  If this BM chooses to skip either, you both should be understanding.

    I personally would not elect to take such a huge, long, and expensive test on the same day as a wedding I was in, but if this BM feels she can do it, that's her choice.  Seems too stressful to me, but I am not she.  Worst that happens is that she's unable to be in the actual wedding ceremony, and so she wasted money on her BM dress.  That's honestly not the end of the world, though it may seem like it.

    This bridesmaid tends to be very selfish in many instances. This is one of them. What do you guys suggest my fiancé do?   Tell your FI to wish this BM good luck, and on the day of the wedding is something happens and she doesn't make it in time to be in the ceremony, be graceful, tell her it was no big deal and you both hope her test went well, and then enjoy the reception with her.

    DO NOT ask her again to move the test date, freak out if she chooses not to attend the rehearsal or the RD, or freak out and hold a grudge if she can't be in the ceremony.

    I say have her switch the date, or replace her.

    DO NOT, under any circumstances, replace her.  This is a friendship ending move, it's very insulting, and it seems like a huge melodramatic tantrum to end a friendship over a wedding.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    [Deleted User]Liatris2010SP29
  • Bear with me, because I'm the groom. My fiancé is very reserved in these types of situations. 

    One of her bridesmaids has scheduled her LSAT exam on our wedding day. The exam would be at 8:30 am, and would last up to five hours.

    My fiancé will need all her bridesmaids to help her prepare for the ceremony. They will be decorating, doing makeup, taking photos, etc.

    This bridesmaid knew about the wedding date months before she schedule her LSAT. She already took the LSAT in February, and is taking it again to try to improve her score. She basically changes her career choice every two years. 

    My fiancé has already expressed her desire to have her reschedule the exam. The LSAT is available in December. 

    Is it just me, or is this extremely rude? Who the hell schedules a huge exam on someones wedding day? And there will be a rehearsal dinner the night before. 

    This bridesmaid tends to be very selfish in many instances. This is one of them. What do you guys suggest my fiancé do? 

    I say have her switch the date, or replace her. 
    Let me help you reword your post.

    "One of her bridesmaids needs to take the LSAT early in the morning on our wedding day."

    Now, what was your question, again?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • This is ridiculous. Your two options (essentially given her an ultimatum, between rescheduling the exam and kicking her out of the WP) are ludicrous.You have no right to ask her to decorate your venue rather than take the exam. Law School apps are usually due in the Fall, so asking her to delay the exam until December would mean that she'd have to wait a year to apply. Your wedding isn't that important.

    So. Decorate your own damn venue. Your FI can be a big girl and get dressed by herself. Then, when your BM arrives, after months of studying and a grueling exam, you can be gracious hosts to her, rather than treating her like the hired help.

    [Deleted User]novella1186STARMOON44SP29
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Troll.
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    JBee85
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    LSATs are 4 times a year.  She cannot put it off till December because it can put her out of law school for another year.  It is just as inappropriate for your BM to ask you to move your wedding as it is for you to ask her to put off taking her LSATs.

    Let this go.  As long as your BM can still make it to the ceremony on time, she is fulfilling her role as BM.  It is not a requirement that a BM decorate for anything or help the bride get ready the day of. 

    The LSATs can be a stressful time for people, so stop trying to add more stress!  Do not replace this BM with anyone else or even kick her out of the WP.  This will be a friendship ending move on your FI's part and that is not your decision to make.

    [Deleted User]
  • AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 New York member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    As someone who is currently studying for the LSAT, I want to give you a little perspective. The LSAT score actually matters MORE than your GPA for most law school applications (there are a few schools that are the exception to this rule though). Not doing well the first time could have severely impacted her chances of getting into a top school, which can in turn severely impact her career options on the other side of law school. 

    She should be able to attend your wedding still as long as it is later than 2 pm, and honestly, it is a difficult test. Her thought process was most likely that she would want to celebrate with her friends after taking such a hard test that could make or break her career. Let this go, and be supportive of her and her career choices. 

    PrettyGirlLostSP29OliveOilsMomspeakeasy14
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Troll or not, and regardless of how much notice she had about your wedding date, the LSAT is a very big exam and she may not be able to take it at any other time.  So I'd let her just worry about studying for it and taking it and accept that she won't be there to get ready with your FI or to help with setup (which should be done by paid venue staff, not the wedding party, anyway).
    [Deleted User]
  • spglspspglsp member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    The LSAT takes about 4-5 hours so as long as the ceremony is after about 3pm there shouldn't be anything keeping her from attending. I appreciate that this is disappointing to your fiance because she has a vision in her head that is no longer applicable but life happens and asking her friend to postpone an exam that only takes place four times a year really isn't fair. As far as I can tell she will be at the wedding, and unless the only reason she's a bridesmaid is to provide free labor, she'll still be able to fulfill her role by standing up for your fiance.
    Just Married!

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    [Deleted User]
  • Well tell that bitch to reschedule and delay her career. She needs to decorate your wedding venue!!!

    In all seriousness, this is one of the more bride/groomzilla things I've ever read. As long as she is on time for your ceremony, she has NO other obligations. Zero. None. You and your bride are responsible for decorating. 
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    [Deleted User]mrsdee15
  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2015
    Look at this from her perspective. To her, your wedding is just a party that will take up a few hours of her life on just 1 day. And then her life will continue on as normal. 

    The LSAT is something that can make or break her future in a career she's likely worked extremely hard for, which may impact her forever. 

    Hm... which may be more important to her? 

    Seems like BOTH are important, because she has made commitments for both. You should be glad that she cares enough about you as a friend to haul ass over to your wedding after having to spend 5 hours on an extremely difficult exam. 

    Kicking her out because she needs to take an exam in the morning, BEFORE the wedding even starts, would be a horrible thing to do. Brides can function without brideslaves around to help them every moment from sunrise on. 
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    thisismynickname2mrsdee15[Deleted User]madamerwin
  • Bear with me, because I'm the groom. My fiancé is very reserved in these types of situations. 

    One of her bridesmaids has scheduled her LSAT exam on our wedding day. The exam would be at 8:30 am, and would last up to five hours.

    My fiancé will need all her bridesmaids to help her prepare for the ceremony. They will be decorating, doing makeup, taking photos, etc.

    This bridesmaid knew about the wedding date months before she schedule her LSAT. She already took the LSAT in February, and is taking it again to try to improve her score. She basically changes her career choice every two years. 

    My fiancé has already expressed her desire to have her reschedule the exam. The LSAT is available in December. 

    Is it just me, or is this extremely rude? Who the hell schedules a huge exam on someones wedding day? And there will be a rehearsal dinner the night before. 

    This bridesmaid tends to be very selfish in many instances. This is one of them. What do you guys suggest my fiancé do? 

    I say have her switch the date, or replace her. 
    Maybe she's reserved because she knows it's not her place to tell her bridesmaid to put her wedding over her career.

    I absolutely want my bridesmaids to be there the whole day when I'm getting ready, too, so I can understand the disappointment, but they have other priorities. There are normally deadlines for taking these tests to apply to schools.  Being there to get ready and decorate isn't worth her putting off applying to law school for a year.
    [Deleted User]Liatris2010SP29
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm shocked your fiancé is friends with such a selfish person. You should reevaluate your relationship because she clearly makes bad choices. She is probably the wrong woman for you.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • Look, I get the annoyance.  My bridemaids are spending the morning of my wedding hanging out with me and getting ready together, which is pretty common.  We tell brides here that you only get ONE day, but you do get the day, and I would be a little sad if one of my bridesmaids had her attention was torn that day between a huge career-defining test and my wedding.  

    Also, for those of you saying she may have to delay law school a year if she doesn't take the test on this date--law school applications, with very rare exceptions, are due in February or March.  Assuming that we are talking about the October test date here (which is what it sounds like), taking the December LSAT would still allow her to apply during the upcoming February/March admissions cycle.  Most law schools will even accept scores from the February administration of the test as well, meaning there are two other potential dates between now and the next admissions cycle for this bridesmaids to choose from.  I bet that's where the "just reschedule the test" line of thinking is coming from.

    BUT the LSAT is a big deal.  A very big deal. It requires a lot of prep, is is only offered 4 times a year, and it is a necessary and huge step in the law school applications process.  You can not force this bridesmaid to reschedule her LSAT.  You should also not be forcing your wedding party to decorate the morning of the ceremony--they can volunteer to do so but should not be "voluntold," and really it's better to hire someone to do those sorts of things.  All you can do is wish her good luck and tell her you'll see her whenever she can get there, and focus on your future spouse and not your bridal party's career decisions.
    [Deleted User]
  • Look, I get the annoyance.  My bridemaids are spending the morning of my wedding hanging out with me and getting ready together, which is pretty common.  We tell brides here that you only get ONE day, but you do get the day, and I would be a little sad if one of my bridesmaids had her attention was torn that day between a huge career-defining test and my wedding.  

    Also, for those of you saying she may have to delay law school a year if she doesn't take the test on this date--law school applications, with very rare exceptions, are due in February or March.  Assuming that we are talking about the October test date here (which is what it sounds like), taking the December LSAT would still allow her to apply during the upcoming February/March admissions cycle.  Most law schools will even accept scores from the February administration of the test as well, meaning there are two other potential dates between now and the next admissions cycle for this bridesmaids to choose from.  I bet that's where the "just reschedule the test" line of thinking is coming from.

    BUT the LSAT is a big deal.  A very big deal. It requires a lot of prep, is is only offered 4 times a year, and it is a necessary and huge step in the law school applications process.  You can not force this bridesmaid to reschedule her LSAT.  You should also not be forcing your wedding party to decorate the morning of the ceremony--they can volunteer to do so but should not be "voluntold," and really it's better to hire someone to do those sorts of things.  All you can do is wish her good luck and tell her you'll see her whenever she can get there, and focus on your future spouse and not your bridal party's career decisions.


    Sorry, I still can't understand the 'rescheduling' line of thinking. Its not like she will ONLY be busy that one day for the test, this requires months of studying. Fall is a pretty busy season and she will need the few months leading up to December to study. Maybe the 3 months before the other date work better for her.

    I'm not disagreeing with you, just mentioning that you have to plan around more than just the actual test date.

  • Look, I get the annoyance.  My bridemaids are spending the morning of my wedding hanging out with me and getting ready together, which is pretty common.  We tell brides here that you only get ONE day, but you do get the day, and I would be a little sad if one of my bridesmaids had her attention was torn that day between a huge career-defining test and my wedding.  

    Also, for those of you saying she may have to delay law school a year if she doesn't take the test on this date--law school applications, with very rare exceptions, are due in February or March.  Assuming that we are talking about the October test date here (which is what it sounds like), taking the December LSAT would still allow her to apply during the upcoming February/March admissions cycle.  Most law schools will even accept scores from the February administration of the test as well, meaning there are two other potential dates between now and the next admissions cycle for this bridesmaids to choose from.  I bet that's where the "just reschedule the test" line of thinking is coming from.

    BUT the LSAT is a big deal.  A very big deal. It requires a lot of prep, is is only offered 4 times a year, and it is a necessary and huge step in the law school applications process.  You can not force this bridesmaid to reschedule her LSAT.  You should also not be forcing your wedding party to decorate the morning of the ceremony--they can volunteer to do so but should not be "voluntold," and really it's better to hire someone to do those sorts of things.  All you can do is wish her good luck and tell her you'll see her whenever she can get there, and focus on your future spouse and not your bridal party's career decisions.


    Sorry, I still can't understand the 'rescheduling' line of thinking. Its not like she will ONLY be busy that one day for the test, this requires months of studying. Fall is a pretty busy season and she will need the few months leading up to December to study. Maybe the 3 months before the other date work better for her.

    I'm not disagreeing with you, just mentioning that you have to plan around more than just the actual test date.

    You absolutely do.  If she's ready to take it in October, she's ready to take it in October.  Maybe she's busy on the December and February dates as well.  Maybe she can't study between October and December/February and is worried she will backslide on her studying if she doesn't get the test over with this fall.  I was just pointing out that there are two other available test dates for the upcoming admissions cycle, which may be why OP and his FI think rescheduling the test is simple.  In reality it's not, but I can see why someone who looked at the available LSAT test dates might think so.
  • There's some very passionate responses here. 

    Let me clarify a few things.

    My fiancé is not a bridezilla. We are both very practical and frugal. This wedding is not a large, extravagant event. Close friends and family, under 100 guests. 

    The bridesmaids are not being used as "slave labor". My fiancé would like with the bouquets, makeup, etc. 

    The bridesmaid in question is older, has dabbled in 3-4 majors, and has just NOW graduated with a degree. She is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is now insisting on applying to Ivy League law schools. She actually did very well on her LSAT in February, but is insisting on taking it once again. She wants to become a civil rights attorney to "change the system". 

    This isn't some budding, mature female lawyer. Its your run of the mill naive Millennial. 

    This isn't a Lifetime special, ladies. The world doesn't revolve around unrealistic career aspects. 

    You all can believe what you'd like. I think its selfish to take a test on a wedding day, when you're scheduled to be IN the wedding. 

    I know there are some people with common sense who will agree with me. 




  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Look, I get the annoyance.  My bridemaids are spending the morning of my wedding hanging out with me and getting ready together, which is pretty common.  We tell brides here that you only get ONE day, but you do get the day, and I would be a little sad if one of my bridesmaids had her attention was torn that day between a huge career-defining test and my wedding.  You'd be bummed out if someone wasn't devoting all her attention to you? That's what I hear you saying.  I just don't get that line of thinking.  I never thought my wedding day was THE day that everyone should focus their attentions on me.  For me, it was the day I was finally marrying DH and I was very excited to do that and then have a huge, kick ass party with all of my family and friends.

    I've been a BM like 10+ times.  Even for my BBF I can tell you that I was not lavishing attention on the bride the entirety of her wedding day.  That's just not how it works.

    Also, for those of you saying she may have to delay law school a year if she doesn't take the test on this date--law school applications, with very rare exceptions, are due in February or March.  Assuming that we are talking about the October test date here (which is what it sounds like), taking the December LSAT would still allow her to apply during the upcoming February/March admissions cycle.  Most law schools will even accept scores from the February administration of the test as well, meaning there are two other potential dates between now and the next admissions cycle for this bridesmaids to choose from.  I bet that's where the "just reschedule the test" line of thinking is coming from.

    BUT the LSAT is a big deal.  A very big deal. It requires a lot of prep, is is only offered 4 times a year, and it is a necessary and huge step in the law school applications process.  You can not force this bridesmaid to reschedule her LSAT.  You should also not be forcing your wedding party to decorate the morning of the ceremony--they can volunteer to do so but should not be "voluntold," and really it's better to hire someone to do those sorts of things.  All you can do is wish her good luck and tell her you'll see her whenever she can get there, and focus on your future spouse and not your bridal party's career decisions.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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