Cousin invited herself. Welp.

Re: Cousin invited herself. Welp.

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  levioosa member

  

  February 2016

  When my bff told me she was having a destination wedding I had to work up the nerve to tell her that depending on my school schedule I wouldn't be able to come.  In fact, I told her it was very likely that I wouldn't be able to make it.  I would have been hurt if she had invited me and then rescinded the invitation because I thought I wouldn't be able to go.  In the end, I was able to make the trip, but I didn't know until about a month before.  It ended up being a fake ceremony, which is a whole different issue, but my point still stands.  

  
  

  
  

  

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  londinium215 member

  

  February 2016

  levioosa said:

  When my bff told me she was having a destination wedding I had to work up the nerve to tell her that depending on my school schedule I wouldn't be able to come.  In fact, I told her it was very likely that I wouldn't be able to make it.  I would have been hurt if she had invited me and then rescinded the invitation because I thought I wouldn't be able to go.  In the end, I was able to make the trip, but I didn't know until about a month before.  It ended up being a fake ceremony, which is a whole different issue, but my point still stands.  

  I had a similar situation where a friend sent me a save the date and I mentioned that I likely wouldn't be able to make it. She ended up not sending me an invitation (to save on postage, apparently, since I wasn't coming anyway?) and I was unbelievably hurt by that. I would have looked into cheap last minute flights and everything, but the fact that I didn't get an invitation made me feel like I was somehow uninvited. 
  
  My fiance's name wasn't on the save the date so I don't even know for sure whether or not he was invited - another point of contention and, if he wasn't, I wouldn't have gone, anyway.
  
  But still, I was (and clearly still am) hurt by what felt like a rescinding of an invitation. 
  
  You don't have to invite everyone that you've ever spoken to about your wedding (I know my coworkers occasionally ask how planning is going but I'm not inviting them so I just say it's going well and change the subject) but once you've asked people about travel plans, it's basically a verbal save the date. And giving a save the date without an invitation is incredibly rude. 

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  SoldiersMom member

  

  February 2016

  It sounds like your cousin is using your wedding as an excuse to get away for a few days. It's not about you, its about her. You owe her nothing.

  

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  short+sassy member

  

  March 2016

  SoldiersMom said:

  It sounds like your cousin is using your wedding as an excuse to get away for a few days. It's not about you, its about her. You owe her nothing.

  I totally agree with this.  If your cousin decided to take a trip to NYC, that will be on the cheap, because she is staying in an AirBnB with three other people, then good for her!  I don't blame her.  NYC is awesome.

  So awesome in fact, that she should have no trouble finding something to do for the evening when everyone else is going to the wedding.

  Although the verbal "would you go if we invited you" was definitely not the right thing to do to begin with, that ship sailed a long time ago and your cousin fully understands she was not invited and did not make her plane reservation in a misunderstanding.

  All of my first cousins live far away from me.  I've been invited to some of their weddings and not invited to some of their weddings.  And that's all fine.  I would have been offended to be "sort of" asked, only to be told "then we won't invite you since you probably can't go".  But that would have closed the matter for me and made me more sure of my decision to not spend my time and money going to their wedding. 
  

  

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