Wedding Etiquette Forum

Polite responses to wedding enthusiasm

I'm looking for suggestions on go-to phrases to defuse/deflect wedding planning conversations with friends, family, co-workers - input most welcome!

We have our budget set for the wedding (paying for it ourselves), and are also planning a great honeymoon, saving for a house, paying off student loans, etc. Usual life things. 

I've found that people get really excited and enthusiastic (which is great, I genuinely appreciate and am touched by general responses to our engagement, and interest in the wedding) when asking me about wedding details - and also very DEFINITE in their opinions.

I know, newsflash. Weddings make people excited and opinionated.

Anyway, between our budget and life priorities, and to be honest, my lack of interest in many aspects of wedding planning, I've found it awkward to respond to certain questions. 

Examples - dress (I'm not too fussed about what I wear); photography (it would be nice but realistically we just don't have the money and we refuse to go into any debt); decor (picked a beautiful venue specifically so that we don't have to decorate); favours (meh); and on and on. 

I absolutely understand that many people get really excited about these things, and I don't want my responses to belittle their enthusiasm. I AM excited about the day and having everyone we love together to celebrate and enjoy great food and drinks.

TL;DR - how do you politely acknowledge someone's interest in your wedding AND be honest AND change the topic?

Re: Polite responses to wedding enthusiasm

  • Depends on how in depth the conversation gets.

    If it has stayed superficial, if someone gives you an idea, you can say, "Thanks for the idea- we'll think about it". Change subject.

    If the conversation gets more particular you can focus on the things you are doing, if you wish to share. If someone says something like, "But you aren't doing favours?" You could say, "We'd really like to focus our funds into a great meal". "But you aren't hiring a decorator!?!?" "We found a great venue that includes decor for us, so not only is it budget friendly it's going to save us a lot of time as we are so busy already with our [soccer team]". "What kind of dress are you going to get?" "I'm not sure, but I am sure I will know it when I try it on".
  • A&B567 said:
    I'm looking for suggestions on go-to phrases to defuse/deflect wedding planning conversations with friends, family, co-workers - input most welcome!

    We have our budget set for the wedding (paying for it ourselves), and are also planning a great honeymoon, saving for a house, paying off student loans, etc. Usual life things. 

    I've found that people get really excited and enthusiastic (which is great, I genuinely appreciate and am touched by general responses to our engagement, and interest in the wedding) when asking me about wedding details - and also very DEFINITE in their opinions.

    I know, newsflash. Weddings make people excited and opinionated.

    Anyway, between our budget and life priorities, and to be honest, my lack of interest in many aspects of wedding planning, I've found it awkward to respond to certain questions. 

    Examples - dress (I'm not too fussed about what I wear); photography (it would be nice but realistically we just don't have the money and we refuse to go into any debt); decor (picked a beautiful venue specifically so that we don't have to decorate); favours (meh); and on and on. 

    I absolutely understand that many people get really excited about these things, and I don't want my responses to belittle their enthusiasm. I AM excited about the day and having everyone we love together to celebrate and enjoy great food and drinks.

    TL;DR - how do you politely acknowledge someone's interest in your wedding AND be honest AND change the topic?
    You can say to someone who is being friendly and not too aggressive, "Thanks for sharing that idea with me/us" and then bean dip.

    If you have someone who acts too astounded that you're not doing something, or otherwise responds aggressively or in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can tell them, "Thanks.  But we aren't doing that."  You don't have to explain your decisions, and doing so often comes off as defensive and (to them) opens the door to further probing.
  • Jen4948 said:

    You can say to someone who is being friendly and not too aggressive, "Thanks for sharing that idea with me/us" and then bean dip.

    If you have someone who acts too astounded that you're not doing something, or otherwise responds aggressively or in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can tell them, "Thanks.  But we aren't doing that."  You don't have to explain your decisions, and doing so often comes off as defensive and (to them) opens the door to further probing.
    Yes. This is something I struggle with, responding to the people who act super astounded. Good reminder - I don't have to explain my decisions.
  • SP29 said:
    Depends on how in depth the conversation gets.

    If it has stayed superficial, if someone gives you an idea, you can say, "Thanks for the idea- we'll think about it". Change subject.

    If the conversation gets more particular you can focus on the things you are doing, if you wish to share. If someone says something like, "But you aren't doing favours?" You could say, "We'd really like to focus our funds into a great meal". "But you aren't hiring a decorator!?!?" "We found a great venue that includes decor for us, so not only is it budget friendly it's going to save us a lot of time as we are so busy already with our [soccer team]". "What kind of dress are you going to get?" "I'm not sure, but I am sure I will know it when I try it on".
    These are great, thank you! Particularly like the dress response.
  • A&B567 said:
    I'm looking for suggestions on go-to phrases to defuse/deflect wedding planning conversations with friends, family, co-workers - input most welcome!

    We have our budget set for the wedding (paying for it ourselves), and are also planning a great honeymoon, saving for a house, paying off student loans, etc. Usual life things. 

    I've found that people get really excited and enthusiastic (which is great, I genuinely appreciate and am touched by general responses to our engagement, and interest in the wedding) when asking me about wedding details - and also very DEFINITE in their opinions.

    I know, newsflash. Weddings make people excited and opinionated.

    Anyway, between our budget and life priorities, and to be honest, my lack of interest in many aspects of wedding planning, I've found it awkward to respond to certain questions. 

    Examples - dress (I'm not too fussed about what I wear); photography (it would be nice but realistically we just don't have the money and we refuse to go into any debt); decor (picked a beautiful venue specifically so that we don't have to decorate); favours (meh); and on and on. 

    I absolutely understand that many people get really excited about these things, and I don't want my responses to belittle their enthusiasm. I AM excited about the day and having everyone we love together to celebrate and enjoy great food and drinks.

    TL;DR - how do you politely acknowledge someone's interest in your wedding AND be honest AND change the topic?

    A&B567 said:
    I'm looking for suggestions on go-to phrases to defuse/deflect wedding planning conversations with friends, family, co-workers - input most welcome!

    We have our budget set for the wedding (paying for it ourselves), and are also planning a great honeymoon, saving for a house, paying off student loans, etc. Usual life things. 

    I've found that people get really excited and enthusiastic (which is great, I genuinely appreciate and am touched by general responses to our engagement, and interest in the wedding) when asking me about wedding details - and also very DEFINITE in their opinions.

    I know, newsflash. Weddings make people excited and opinionated.

    Anyway, between our budget and life priorities, and to be honest, my lack of interest in many aspects of wedding planning, I've found it awkward to respond to certain questions. 

    Examples - dress (I'm not too fussed about what I wear); photography (it would be nice but realistically we just don't have the money and we refuse to go into any debt); decor (picked a beautiful venue specifically so that we don't have to decorate); favours (meh); and on and on. 

    I absolutely understand that many people get really excited about these things, and I don't want my responses to belittle their enthusiasm. I AM excited about the day and having everyone we love together to celebrate and enjoy great food and drinks.

    TL;DR - how do you politely acknowledge someone's interest in your wedding AND be honest AND change the topic?
    I have nothing to add except that I read this as "favors (meth)" and thought "wow that's going to get really expensive!"

    _______________Where's the Box??________________________


    I am crying laughing at this!!!
  • I have a few friends that sound like this and what I've found is they mostly want to talk about their recent weddings. I usually turn the question back on them and let them have a few moments to reminisce and that seems to move things back to non wedding talk. 

  • I have nothing to add except that I read this as "favors (meth)" and thought "wow that's going to get really expensive!"
    Hahahahaha TEARS this is amazing. Expensive, and other concerns! 
  • O I get what you are saying.  Having an affordable wedding does not seem to match the images my coworkers and friends have dreamed up.  I just tell people that I am trying to keep it very simple and stress free.  A large part of that is making modest plans and taking the whole process slow.  For most people this seems to calm them down a bit.  Of course there are some who just cannot help themselves, but to continue on pushing their dream wedding ideas on everyone else.

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