Is there such thing as too big of a bridal shower?

monkeysip · May 2016

Just curious... do you think there's a maximum amount of guests you should invite to a bridal shower?

I heard about a bridal shower the other day with 70 guests. That was more than my wedding, lol.

I'm not judging--I mean, it's great to have a lot of family and friends! I was just thinking logistically it seems really problematic if you had to open 50+ presents or something.

Do you think there's such thing as "too many guests"?

OurWildKingdom · May 2016

The average shower (either bridal or baby) in my family is about 35-45 people, but 70???? Wow.

flantastic · May 2016

monkeysip said:

Just curious... do you think there's a maximum amount of guests you should invite to a bridal shower?

I heard about a bridal shower the other day with 70 guests. That was more than my wedding, lol.

I'm not judging--I mean, it's great to have a lot of family and friends! I was just thinking logistically it seems really problematic if you had to open 50+ presents or something.

Do you think there's such thing as "too many guests"?

I went to a bridal shower that had at least 60 people once. I was only there because my friend/roommate was the MOH, and she had wanted me to come home with her to visit... so I actually didn't even know the bride. As an "outsider' looking at a really long present-opening, and who couldn't even meet/talk to the bride because of the sheer number of guests, I was not a fan.

photokitty · May 2016

I think that's a lot for a single shower, but is not uncommon for about that many to be invited to 2 or 3 separate showers. That said, or guests lists are typically 250, 300 or more. Big family, huge.

Really it comes down to the number the host it's comfortable hosting. I prefer showers under 30 so I can socialize with More people.

Eta...my dad is one of nine and there are 27, not including spouses, adult grandkids, who all attended dinner every Sunday together. My husband's family is nearly as large. Plus friends and sorority sisters, I could easily have 70 plus who qualify as nearest and dearest. My feelings would be hurt if one of my cousins cut me bc it was suggested having 70 close females it's gift grabby.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

In my family we have had showers that large. But we're a large family so if you add friends/in-laws it's not hard to grow!

We used this as part of the pitch to FMIL to split into two showers, otherwise the guest list was about 60.

Cookie Pusher · May 2016

I once attended a baby shower that had well over 100 people. It was so overwhelming that I only stayed an hour. It was a total zoo.

MyNameIsNot · May 2016

Honestly, I find showers that large to be gift grabby. The shower should be the bride's closest friends and family, not every woman invited to the wedding. I just find it hard to believe that many people can really be that close to that many people.

kvruns · May 2016

That sounds awful. I think the biggest I've been to was 20-25 I think and that was enough

ernursej · May 2016

I think large showers only work if you don't open the gifts. More time for socializing and looks less gift grabby.

jacques27 · May 2016

I can certainly understand having a large family, but I think at a certain point it's just too large. Sure, as a guest we're there to shower the bride with gifts, but the party host should also be concerned about making sure the party is enjoyable for all guests. Personally, 15-20 minutes of gift opening is enjoyable to see the excitement on the bride's face, but when you start going much longer than that it just seems tedious and stops being fun. I suppose if there are ways to speed that process up, then sure, but most of the ways I've ever read about seem borderline rude or defeats the purpose of the shower (bringing the gift unwrapped or not opening the presents there...that's the whole point of the party and most people I know enjoy seeing the reaction of the recipient and knowing their efforts were well-received. That genuine interaction makes it more personal and less gift-grabby.).

spockforprez · May 2016

My lord. The biggest shower I've been to was my cousin's in January, about 30 women. It was just lunch and watching the bride open gifts during dessert, no games or toasts or theme. I think it worked for that reason. I can't imagine 70 people at a shower.

I prefer a smaller shower with 12-15 folks, personally.

downtondiva · May 2016

70 guests? I had about 80 at my wedding!

My shower was 15-20 people, I forget the exact number. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

STARMOON44 · May 2016

I don't believe that anyone has 70 closest friends, and think anything more than 30, 40 tops is absurd and greedy.

MesmrEwe · May 2016

We have a giant and well known in the community size family.. I think my aunt's bridal shower may have been bigger than that 60-70 figure, mine was somewhere up there, but events of that size are not unusual at all for my family because there's simply that many of us! (around 36 cousins not including SO's on just my Dad's side).. It's all relative... But the simple answer to that question is yes, there is a such thing as a shower that's too big - and that's the one that exceeds the comfortable budget of those doing the hosting.

Jen4948 · May 2016

Wow, that's a lot of people.

I know I wouldn't enjoy watching more than about 20 gifts being opened...if that many.

But assuming the bride didn't compose the guest list, I wouldn't accuse her of being "greedy" or "gift-grabby" unless I knew otherwise, but that's hard if not impossible to know for sure, so I'd be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt without some evidence, especially if the shower was a surprise shower.

On the other hand, I might accuse the hosts of bad planning for expecting guests to sit through that many gifts being opened.

banana468 · May 2016

70 is large but if that's what is the norm for your crowd then it's not a bad thing IMO. I've attended more baby showers that are larger sized than large bridal showers. Generally I am spending more time with the people next to me than the bride to be and that's OK by me. The biggest issue I have with huge showers is that I want gift opening to move quickly.

SP29 · May 2016

I don't think there is a magical number per se- 70 people out of a 300 person guest list is a small proportion. Some people have giant families with 10 first cousins. Some people are very involved in their church community.

Personally, I would find that size of a shower to be overwhelming, both as the guest of honour and a guest. But I don't think a large shower is necessarily wrong.

As for it looking gift grabby- yes and no. Depends. If the guest of honour literally has 5 aunts, and 10 first cousins, grandparents, her own siblings, and friends, I wouldn't view that as gift grabby. But if it was a shower with 70 people including friends of the MOB, second cousins, co-workers, half the neighbourhood, etc- yes, I'd think it was gift grabby.

I have most enjoyed smaller showers, where guests can interact with the guest of honour and other guests. Nothing takes particularly long (opening gifts, games).

I was invited to my future step-sister-in-law's baby shower. It was hosted at a restaurant- they rented out a large room and hosted brunch. The shower was quiet large, probably 60-80 guests. There were a TON of games, so that took awhile. Opening gifts took awhile, although mommy to be and her sister/sisters in law were very efficient. I only talked with mommy to be briefly and hardly knew 1/3 of the guests- everyone kind of kept to their own groups. At the end of the day though, it was well hosted, and I mostly talked with my grandma and FSM; I don't judge mommy to be or the hosts. But it would be a bit much for myself.

thisismynickname2 · May 2016

A coworker had a massive shower with 150 guests. In a banquet hall. Another friend of mine just attended a baby shower with over 100 guests.

To me, it's not about being gift-grabby (huge families and lots of friends does add up quickly). It's about it being a shower and nobody wants to watch anyone open over 100 presents. Nobody. Plus, a party that size has a guest or guests of honor, and the ability of them to greet and socialize with everyone without boring the pants off everyone in attendance is slim to none (because opening those presents takes for-ev-er.)

Being at a shower that huge is like... "Hi, I brought you a gift! Congrats! And let me go talk to a bunch of women I barely know, much less like, for five hours. Yay."

I want to shoot myself just thinking about it.

LD1970 · May 2016

I invited 75 women to my sister's shower; 61 came. I don't know how many were invited to mine, but I had just over 40 attend. I've been to lots of big showers.

And yes, some people ARE close to a lot of people. Our backyard parties, which we throw 2-3x per summer (Kentucky Derby this Saturday, in fact) regularly have 70+ people at them, and we invite over 100. But we're close enough to people that friends in California, Colorado, and Texas have been known to fly out to NJ for our backyard shindigs. Friends from California, CT, and DC will be at the one this Saturday.

Our dream wedding guest list was over 300. We finally pared that down to 185 "must invite" without ANY "obligation" invites in terms of family. 185 people we REALLY wanted there. It can happen.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2016

photokitty said:

I think that's a lot for a single shower, but is not uncommon for about that many to be invited to 2 or 3 separate showers. That said, or guests lists are typically 250, 300 or more. Big family, huge.

Really it comes down to the number the host it's comfortable hosting. I prefer showers under 30 so I can socialize with More people.

Eta...my dad is one of nine and there are 27, not including spouses, adult grandkids, who all attended dinner every Sunday together. My husband's family is nearly as large. Plus friends and sorority sisters, I could easily have 70 plus who qualify as nearest and dearest. My feelings would be hurt if one of my cousins cut me bc it was suggested having 70 close females it's gift grabby.

I have been to many 70+ guest bridal showers- big Irish/Italian Catholic families, lots of kids, cousins, family friends, etc. These large showers have never been a big deal in my experience- they are just big social events same as weddings and wakes, lol.

Everyone shows up, you mingle and eat for about 1.5 -2 hours during which time the bride does table visits, just like at a reception, and then she opens gifts during which you continue to eat and chat with ppl at your table. The only games played are typically present bingo or the timer game.

This is another one of those "know your circle" things. 6+ hour receptions are also the norm in my circles, and I know a lot of people on these boards freak over receptions longer then 3-4 hours.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2016

MyNameIsNot said:

Honestly, I find showers that large to be gift grabby. The shower should be the bride's closest friends and family, not every woman invited to the wedding. I just find it hard to believe that many people can really be that close to that many people.

The same could be said of weddings- I can't believe anyone could possibly be close to 200-350 people!

It's not hard at all for social, extroverted people who have large families, who are marrying into large families, and who have multiple social circles to have a lot of "close" friends and family.

JeeGooDowster · May 2016

Both my husband and I come from huge families and we are all close with our relatives. It may be hard to believe for some people but it can happen. My parents/aunts/uncles all immigrated to the US and lived in NYC at the same time...they became American citizens together...I had about 60 people at my shower and 250 at my wedding.

STARMOON44 · May 2016

"Close" in quotation marks though. I have no problem with a big wedding, but to me the purpose of a shower is for your closest friends to come together and send you off into marriage with their blessings. Not for inviting all your sorority sisters, even if they are genuinely people you are "close" to and would invite to the wedding.

kvruns · May 2016

PrettyGirlLost said:

photokitty said:

I think that's a lot for a single shower, but is not uncommon for about that many to be invited to 2 or 3 separate showers. That said, or guests lists are typically 250, 300 or more. Big family, huge.

Really it comes down to the number the host it's comfortable hosting. I prefer showers under 30 so I can socialize with More people.

Eta...my dad is one of nine and there are 27, not including spouses, adult grandkids, who all attended dinner every Sunday together. My husband's family is nearly as large. Plus friends and sorority sisters, I could easily have 70 plus who qualify as nearest and dearest. My feelings would be hurt if one of my cousins cut me bc it was suggested having 70 close females it's gift grabby.

I have been to many 70+ guest bridal showers- big Irish/Italian Catholic families, lots of kids, cousins, family friends, etc. These large showers have never been a big deal in my experience- they are just big social events same as weddings and wakes, lol.

Everyone shows up, you mingle and eat for about 1.5 -2 hours during which time the bride does table visits, just like at a reception, and then she opens gifts during which you continue to eat and chat with ppl at your table. The only games played are typically present bingo or the timer game.

This is another one of those "know your circle" things. 6+ hour receptions are also the norm in my circles, and I know a lot of people on these boards freak over receptions longer then 3-4 hours.

6+ hour showers? omg I'm done after 2 hours haha

banana468 · May 2016

STARMOON44 said:

"Close" in quotation marks though. I have no problem with a big wedding, but to me the purpose of a shower is for your closest friends to come together and send you off into marriage with their blessings. Not for inviting all your sorority sisters, even if they are genuinely people you are "close" to and would invite to the wedding.

I think that may also be a circle thing though. In some areas what you describe as the purpose of the shower IS the reason for the shower.

But in other areas, that may not be the case and the large event may be appropriate and expected. As long as they're hosted correctly it's not a big deal IMO.

JeeGooDowster · May 2016

I would also like to add that I've been to larger showers (100 people) as well as smaller showers (30)....one of the largest showers i've been to consisted of everyone who knew each other for years and all caught up and enjoyed one another's company (drunk or sober)...

One smaller shower I attended - was for my cousin's fiance who was (still is) not so popular with our family...she comes from a small family and the invite list consisted of distant relatives on our side that she only met once....hate to sound biased here, but to me, that is more gift-grabby than the larger one i attended.

charlotte989875 · May 2016

I find it a little presumptuous to assume it's gift-grabby if people have large showers or events. If they're properly hosted, what is the big deal? Both my family and my H's family are quiet large. My bridal party and MIL offered to host showers, but the only way it worked logistically was to have one large shower. So yah I could have turned one down (and hurt someone's feelings by doing so), so have one large shower.

My wedding had over 200 guests, so it's not like every woman invited to the wedding was invited to the shower. I guess I don't see the difference between two 30-35 person showers and one 70 person shower.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2016

STARMOON44 said:

"Close" in quotation marks though. I have no problem with a big wedding, but to me the purpose of a shower is for your closest friends to come together and send you off into marriage with their blessings. Not for inviting all your sorority sisters, even if they are genuinely people you are "close" to and would invite to the wedding.

If I am genuinely close to my sorority sisters, then why wouldn't I invite them to my shower?

And how do you define close? That's a rhetorical question- it's different for everyone. As a guest I don't waste my time trying to determine how close the Bride could possibly be to the rest of the guests nor judging her guest list; I'm not going to waste negative Karma judging anyone in that way. . . there's other shit that is fair game though ;-)

kvruns said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

photokitty said:

I think that's a lot for a single shower, but is not uncommon for about that many to be invited to 2 or 3 separate showers. That said, or guests lists are typically 250, 300 or more. Big family, huge.

Really it comes down to the number the host it's comfortable hosting. I prefer showers under 30 so I can socialize with More people.

Eta...my dad is one of nine and there are 27, not including spouses, adult grandkids, who all attended dinner every Sunday together. My husband's family is nearly as large. Plus friends and sorority sisters, I could easily have 70 plus who qualify as nearest and dearest. My feelings would be hurt if one of my cousins cut me bc it was suggested having 70 close females it's gift grabby.

I have been to many 70+ guest bridal showers- big Irish/Italian Catholic families, lots of kids, cousins, family friends, etc. These large showers have never been a big deal in my experience- they are just big social events same as weddings and wakes, lol.

Everyone shows up, you mingle and eat for about 1.5 -2 hours during which time the bride does table visits, just like at a reception, and then she opens gifts during which you continue to eat and chat with ppl at your table. The only games played are typically present bingo or the timer game.

This is another one of those "know your circle" things. 6+ hour receptions are also the norm in my circles, and I know a lot of people on these boards freak over receptions longer then 3-4 hours.

6+ hour showers? omg I'm done after 2 hours haha

Not showers, wedding receptions. They typically last from 4pm-11pm.

scribe95 said:

The difference is that it makes the event unwieldy. It will go too long; the present opening will take forever and be very boring for the guests; and you the bride won't have time to have any decent interaction. Again, this is different that a wedding where that is expected. Showers are supposed to be more intimate.

That depends on your circle.

charlotte989875 · May 2016

scribe95 said:

The difference is that it makes the event unwieldy. It will go too long; the present opening will take forever and be very boring for the guests; and you the bride won't have time to have any decent interaction. Again, this is different that a wedding where that is expected. Showers are supposed to be more intimate.

I think a lot of this depends on the set up and the effort of the bride. I've been to very large and very small showers and honestly the most gift grabby ones have been those that aren't properly hosted (not a meal over a meal time, not a place for everyone to sit, bride not making a point to talk to people) rather than the size. A good friend of mine probably had 50-60 guests and she spent time with everyone, food and rinks were great, present opening was broken up by games or prizes.

I guess I take issue with the suggestion that large gatherings are gift grabby (and rude) while small gatherings aren't.

banana468 · May 2016

Exactly what @PrettyGirlLost said. Even in my most intimate showers it's hard to talk to all guests.

But I do think this is one of those times how your circle does it can come into play. If intimate is expected then that's what should happen.

LD1970 · May 2016

charlotte989875 said:

scribe95 said:

The difference is that it makes the event unwieldy. It will go too long; the present opening will take forever and be very boring for the guests; and you the bride won't have time to have any decent interaction. Again, this is different that a wedding where that is expected. Showers are supposed to be more intimate.

I think a lot of this depends on the set up and the effort of the bride. I've been to very large and very small showers and honestly the most gift grabby ones have been those that aren't properly hosted (not a meal over a meal time, not a place for everyone to sit, bride not making a point to talk to people) rather than the size. A good friend of mine probably had 50-60 guests and she spent time with everyone, food and rinks were great, present opening was broken up by games or prizes.

I guess I take issue with the suggestion that large gatherings are gift grabby (and rude) while small gatherings aren't.

Aside from making sure she talks to everyone, not all of that is in the bride's control. In my circles, showers are complete surprises (I didn't know mine was happening at all until I showed up at the event itself, thinking it was something entirely different, and the same went for my sister's bridal shower *and* baby shower) and planned by the hosts with zero input from the bride. So I'd cut the bride some slack as a non-host.

Is there such thing as too big of a bridal shower?

Re: Is there such thing as too big of a bridal shower?

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