Is there such thing as too big of a bridal shower?

scrunchythief

I can see both sides.  DH's family is huge.  He has 36 cousins on one side (I think I lose track).  And most of them grew up on the same street, so they're very close. So I can see wanting everyone there.

But, I went to his cousin's bridal shower, and it felt too big as a guest.  I don't fault her or whoever made the guest list for wanting everyone there, but I was glad that my shower had been smaller.  I was able to really see people and have fun; at the larger shower I spoke to the bride briefly twice, maybe three times.

PrettyGirlLost

scribe95 said:

I never said large showers were gift grabby. My issue is I just think they are by and large not very much fun for anyone. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule but I think it's rare.

When showers are larger it also starts the whole debate about not opening gift, which is a huge pet peeve. If I bothered to buy you a gift and wrap it and show up to a GIFT GIVING event then you better open it.

Again, it depends on what you're used to and what you think is fun.

Not fun for me: Icebreakers and games, unless it's the purse game or gift bingo.

What's fun for me: Eating and drinking, talking to people. That's easily accomplished at a large shower. . .we pretty much eat and talk to people the whole time, even while gifts are being opened.  I'm sure some will find that scandalous, but that's just the culture of our social events.  The point of the shower is that it's a social event, so you discreetly socialize while gifts are opened.  

Opening gifts at a large shower is super easy too:

BM1- Uses letter opener to open card envelope and cuts ribbons off gifts.  Hands Bride gift.

Bride- Reads card and hands card to BM2.  Opens gift, oohs and aaahs and thanks giver, hands gift to BM3.  Accepts next card and gift from BM1.

BM2:  Records who gave what so bride can write thank yous.

BM3:  Piles up opened gifts and throws out trash.

It's not rushed or rude, it's just efficient.  And once the bride has opened the crock pot you just gave her, what more is there really to say other than "Thanks"?  Maybe a quick story of what she's looking forward to cooking with it?  Opening gifts in front of ppl at a shower is no different than opening gifts in front of people at Christmas. . .except that you have a scribe to help record who gave you what.

I don't personally expect to socialize with a bride at a shower for any more time than I expect to socialize with her at her reception.  And that's fine with me.  There are other people for me to chat with.  If I suspect I'm not going to know many ppl and it's a "large" shower, I can decline.

This is all just what I'm used to and my expectations based on how "we" typically do things.

ei34

PrettyGirlLost said:

I have been to many 70+ guest bridal showers- big Irish/Italian Catholic families, lots of kids, cousins, family friends, etc.  These large showers have never been a big deal in my experience- they are just big social events same as weddings and wakes, lol. 

Everyone shows up, you mingle and eat for about 1.5 -2 hours during which time the bride does table visits, just like at a reception, and then she opens gifts during which you continue to eat and chat with ppl at your table. The only games played are typically present bingo or the timer game.

This is another one of those "know your circle" things.  6+ hour receptions are also the norm in my circles, and I know a lot of people on these boards freak over receptions longer then 3-4 hours.

^ All of this.  I'm also Irish/Italian with a big family (I have 33 first cousins), and a lot of us are genuinely close, so parties, including showers, have extensive guest lists. 
I've also never been to a shower in someone's home, it might be regional but showers are always at restaurants.  Sitting at a table with my sisters, eating a delicious four-course meal, unlimited wine...I don't care if there are 7 or 70 people there, I'm enjoying myself.

thisismynickname2

PrettyGirlLost said:

scribe95 said:

Opening gifts at a large shower is super easy too:

BM1- Uses letter opener to open card envelope and cuts ribbons off gifts.  Hands Bride gift.

Bride- Reads card and hands card to BM2.  Opens gift, oohs and aaahs and thanks giver, hands gift to BM3.  Accepts next card and gift from BM1.

BM2:  Records who gave what so bride can write thank yous.

BM3:  Piles up opened gifts and throws out trash.

It's not rushed or rude, it's just efficient.  And once the bride has opened the crackpot you just gave her, what more is theirrelevant really to say other thank "Thanks"?  Maybe a quick story of what she's looking forward to cooking with it? Opening gifts in front of ppl at a shower is no different than opening gifts in front of people at Christmas. . .except that you have a scribe to help record who gave you what.

I don't personally expect to socialize with a bride at a shower for any more time than I expect to socialize with her at her reception.  And that's fine with me.  There are other people for me to chat with.  If I suspect I'm not going to know many ppl and it's a "large" shower, I can decline.

This is all just what I'm used to and my expectations based on how "we" typically do things.

@PrettyGirlLost
Are you making bridesmaids WORK! The horror!?!?!?!!  (I really am just kidding here, I tend to volunteer for these "jobs" as it's more interesting than sitting around. I make a badass ribbon bouquet if I do say so myself.)

And crackpot, hahaha.

charlotte989875

PrettyGirlLost said:

scribe95 said:

I never said large showers were gift grabby. My issue is I just think they are by and large not very much fun for anyone. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule but I think it's rare.

When showers are larger it also starts the whole debate about not opening gift, which is a huge pet peeve. If I bothered to buy you a gift and wrap it and show up to a GIFT GIVING event then you better open it.

Again, it depends on what you're used to and what you think is fun.

Not fun for me: Icebreakers and games, unless it's the purse game or gift bingo.

What's fun for me: Eating and drinking, talking to people. That's easily accomplished at a large shower. . .we pretty much eat and talk to people the whole time, even while gifts are being opened.  I'm sure some will find that scandalous, but that's just the culture of our social events.  The point of the shower is that it's a social event, so you discreetly socialize while gifts are opened.  

Opening gifts at a large shower is super easy too:

BM1- Uses letter opener to open card envelope and cuts ribbons off gifts.  Hands Bride gift.

Bride- Reads card and hands card to BM2.  Opens gift, oohs and aaahs and thanks giver, hands gift to BM3.  Accepts next card and gift from BM1.

BM2:  Records who gave what so bride can write thank yous.

BM3:  Piles up opened gifts and throws out trash.

It's not rushed or rude, it's just efficient.  And once the bride has opened the crackpot you just gave her, what more is theirrelevant really to say other thank "Thanks"?  Maybe a quick story of what she's looking forward to cooking with it? Opening gifts in front of ppl at a shower is no different than opening gifts in front of people at Christmas. . .except that you have a scribe to help record who gave you what.

I don't personally expect to socialize with a bride at a shower for any more time than I expect to socialize with her at her reception.  And that's fine with me.  There are other people for me to chat with.  If I suspect I'm not going to know many ppl and it's a "large" shower, I can decline.

This is all just what I'm used to and my expectations based on how "we" typically do things.

This is exactly how things are done in my family and with most of the showers I've been to. Bride opens gifts with help of BMs, people watch, but also go to the bar, continue eating, chat with each other, move around to different tables to talk to people. We did a gift bingo game (the squares were gifts on the registry) so we gave out prizes throughout the gift opening as well so it's not "boring".

I'm with @PrettyGirlLost in that in if I go to a shower I typically know more people than just the bride and it's great to catch up with them or see them before the wedding. I also like socializing in large groups so it worked for me.

ShesSoCold

I'm pissed that I didn't get a crackpot.

sparklepants41

ShesSoCold said:

I'm pissed that I didn't get a crackpot.

I'm wondering where one can register for a crackpot. Asking for a friend.

PrettyGirlLost

thisismynickname said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

scribe95 said:

Opening gifts at a large shower is super easy too:

BM1- Uses letter opener to open card envelope and cuts ribbons off gifts.  Hands Bride gift.

Bride- Reads card and hands card to BM2.  Opens gift, oohs and aaahs and thanks giver, hands gift to BM3.  Accepts next card and gift from BM1.

BM2:  Records who gave what so bride can write thank yous.

BM3:  Piles up opened gifts and throws out trash.

It's not rushed or rude, it's just efficient.  And once the bride has opened the crackpot you just gave her, what more is theirrelevant really to say other thank "Thanks"?  Maybe a quick story of what she's looking forward to cooking with it? Opening gifts in front of ppl at a shower is no different than opening gifts in front of people at Christmas. . .except that you have a scribe to help record who gave you what.

I don't personally expect to socialize with a bride at a shower for any more time than I expect to socialize with her at her reception.  And that's fine with me.  There are other people for me to chat with.  If I suspect I'm not going to know many ppl and it's a "large" shower, I can decline.

This is all just what I'm used to and my expectations based on how "we" typically do things.

@PrettyGirlLost
Are you making bridesmaids WORK! The horror!?!?!?!!  (I really am just kidding here, I tend to volunteer for these "jobs" as it's more interesting than sitting around. I make a badass ribbon bouquet if I do say so myself.)

And crackpot, hahaha.

OMFG I just saw this.  Greatest phone autocorrect ever!!!

photokitty

If a bridesmaid starts cutting ribbons there would be a revolt on my family. Ribbon secured to result in a cut and a baby for each cut are a full contact sport in my circle!

hunnybeart

So I'll admit, prior to coming on these forums I did not know that it wasn't normal for every female invited to the wedding to be invited to the shower 
Yeah so all the showers I've been to have been held at banquet halls with a large guest list and you talk with people at & around your table, barely speak to the bride, talk, eat & drink while she opens gifts and you play some games.  
I really thought that was how it worked.  Until I was sent a save the date from a co-worker and later a wedding invitation but no shower invite.  I was like huh, what happened to the shower invite.  Then I came on here and was like ohhhhhh.  Glad I know just in case someone offers to throw me one, lol.

I guess I don't care if you have a small or large bridal shower as long as you host me properly.  If I'm friends with the bride we probably talk frequently so I don't need her to make her list so that she can have "intimate time" with me, we can do that anytime (hello let's go out for impromptu drinks)

I don't even care if you open gifts.  I'll be honest, that's usually the part where I do my mental drift if I'm not busy talking to someone at my table.

MyNameIsNot

PrettyGirlLost said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Honestly, I find showers that large to be gift grabby. The shower should be the bride's closest friends and family, not every woman invited to the wedding. I just find it hard to believe that many people can really be that close to that many people. 

The same could be said of weddings- I can't believe anyone could possibly be close to 200-350 people!

It's not hard at all for social, extroverted people who have large families, who are marrying into large families, and who have multiple social circles to have a lot of "close" friends and family.

But it doesn't matter if you aren't that close to your wedding guests. If you have the budget and desire to invite everyone from your 3rd grade class, go for it. The purpose of the wedding is not to get gifts.  

PrettyGirlLost

MyNameIsNot said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Honestly, I find showers that large to be gift grabby. The shower should be the bride's closest friends and family, not every woman invited to the wedding. I just find it hard to believe that many people can really be that close to that many people. 

The same could be said of weddings- I can't believe anyone could possibly be close to 200-350 people!

It's not hard at all for social, extroverted people who have large families, who are marrying into large families, and who have multiple social circles to have a lot of "close" friends and family.

But it doesn't matter if you aren't that close to your wedding guests. If you have the budget and desire to invite everyone from your 3rd grade class, go for it. The purpose of the wedding is not to get gifts.  

People who throw these "large" showers aren't doing it for the gifts either.  It's a social event in these circles.

I know that the point of a shower is to give gifts to the bride, however that's not how showers are viewed in these circles.  They are social events- same as weddings, wakes, baby showers, holiday parties, etc.  The focus is not on gifts at all, despite it being a bridal shower.

And if you don't want to go or give a gift, you just decline.

Full disclosure, I didn't have a large shower at all.  I had maybe 30 people, and 10 of those were my BMs. . .

banana468

PrettyGirlLost said:

MyNameIsNot said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Honestly, I find showers that large to be gift grabby. The shower should be the bride's closest friends and family, not every woman invited to the wedding. I just find it hard to believe that many people can really be that close to that many people. 

The same could be said of weddings- I can't believe anyone could possibly be close to 200-350 people!

It's not hard at all for social, extroverted people who have large families, who are marrying into large families, and who have multiple social circles to have a lot of "close" friends and family.

But it doesn't matter if you aren't that close to your wedding guests. If you have the budget and desire to invite everyone from your 3rd grade class, go for it. The purpose of the wedding is not to get gifts.  

People who throw these "large" showers aren't doing it for the gifts either.  It's a social event in these circles.

I know that the point of a shower is to give gifts to the bride, however that's not how showers are viewed in these circles.  They are social events- same as weddings, wakes, baby showers, holiday parties, etc.  The focus is not on gifts at all, despite it being a bridal shower.

And if you don't want to go or give a gift, you just decline.

Full disclosure, I didn't have a large shower at all.  I had maybe 30 people, and 10 of those were my BMs. . .

Pretty much this.   Even as the social event everyone going to the larger shower knows the deal.   My MIL's friends were at my bridal shower and I met them for the first time there.   It was fine.

I think showers CAN be intimate and they shouldn't be gift grabby (don't send a shower invitation to the girlfriend of the cousin of the groom who hasn't met the bride) but that doesn't mean that big shower = bad. 

peachy13

My mom has a large group of friends, I have many female cousins/aunts and so does DH. As a result, my mother and sister invited over 80 people to my shower and around 70 people showed.

I knew it was going to be a big one so we made the gift opening process super quick without being rude. A few BMs offered to open cards while others organized the gifts after they were opened. DH and I showed off the gift and thanked the giver. The shower also included a lovely brunch spread and a mimosa bar. No games or raffles or interruptions. Short and sweet. DH and I personally greeted and thanked each guest at some point during. Some people wanted pictures near the end so we did that too. Whole thing lasted 2 1/2 hours which is shorter than some showers I've attended with under 30 guests. Some of my friends still tell me how much they enjoyed my shower. A big shower can be done without being ridiculous. I also got thank yous out that week.

ConkellSealWedding

between my aunts, cousins, close friends of ours and our parents we're looking about about 60. Our wedding is 250 though. We're a big family, I'd rather have a shower that people call "greedy" and "too big" than offend some of the women that mean a lot to us.

spockforprez

peachy13 said:

My mom has a large group of friends, I have many female cousins/aunts and so does DH. As a result, my mother and sister invited over 80 people to my shower and around 70 people showed.

I knew it was going to be a big one so we made the gift opening process super quick without being rude. A few BMs offered to open cards while others organized the gifts after they were opened. DH and I showed off the gift and thanked the giver. The shower also included a lovely brunch spread and a mimosa bar. No games or raffles or interruptions. Short and sweet. DH and I personally greeted and thanked each guest at some point during. Some people wanted pictures near the end so we did that too. Whole thing lasted 2 1/2 hours which is shorter than some showers I've attended with under 30 guests. Some of my friends still tell me how much they enjoyed my shower. A big shower can be done without being ridiculous. I also got thank yous out that week.

That sounds like fun! 

holyguacamole79

ConkellSealWedding said:

between my aunts, cousins, close friends of ours and our parents we're looking about about 60. Our wedding is 250 though. We're a big family, I'd rather have a shower that people call "greedy" and "too big" than offend some of the women that mean a lot to us.

Change your screen name..... it's really easy to Google stuff about you.