Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest list conundrums....I'll try getting help again.

2

Re: Guest list conundrums....I'll try getting help again.

  • LtPowers said:
    Contrary to popular consensus on these boards, the etiquette mavens require couples to be invited together socially only if said couples have made it clear that they wish to be so invited. (This can be done a number of ways, most explicitly by getting married, but also by moving in together, getting engaged, or even asking that they be treated as a social unit.)

    Unfortunately for the OP, the individuals in question have essentially done the latter. By insisting that their current dates be invited, they've essentially declared themselves to be social units, which does obligate you to invite them.

    If these relationships are not particularly serious (which isn't your place to judge, but we have to acknowledge it's a possibility), it's rather rude of them to insist on being able to bring a date, but if they're willing to pose as a committed couple (i.e., as a social unit), then polite society requires us to go along with it.
    To the first bolded: If any two people decide they are in a relationship, whether or not they have explicitly told you, they are in a relationship - period. If it's FB official, it's been declared a relationship. If they tell you, in any way, shape or form they are in a relationship, or if they go out in public presenting as a couple, it's been declared. So basically, unless a couple is in a secret relationship, then they have publicly declared, in some way, shape or form, that they are a couple. Maybe you (general) personally didn't know, but that is not an excuse not to invite someone's SO.

    Obviously, if the couple is secretly dating, then no, of course you would not think to invite a SO, because the guest in question has not publicly informed anyone that they have an SO.

    But there is a huge difference between you just not knowing they are in a relationship and it not being public; not knowing about it is not an excuse not to invite a SO. You don't get to judge the seriousness of a relationship.

    To the second bolded: When you say "pose as a committed couple" are you insinuating that they would be faking it for the sake of bringing a date to a wedding? Again, super judgy.
    I didn't take her post to be judgey, but more of a statement of fact of some relationships at the beginning stages. For example, I see this with some of my friends, mostly with online dating, but not exclusively. They will meet or start talking to a person and go on 3-5 dates. They might say that they are starting to see someone, but typically these people would in no way call this a relationship, it's probably not exclusive (even if they aren't actually seeing anyone else at the same time), and they might even still be talking to new guys online to see if there's something better. Usually after about 5 dates, this fizzles out and they are looking elsewhere. I'm definitely not judging but I also wouldn't call this person their significant other. This is essentially what my roommate is doing right now in the dating world. The current guy she is seeing I really like so I hope things work out. But I'm not actually extending an invitation to him until closer to the wedding date because it might not work out and its not an actual relationship yet. She is fully aware that if she has an actual boyfriend at the time of the wedding, he is welcome to attend, but she has to actually make that determination. And trust me, at this point, she would definitely not call him a "boyfriend." 

    Now I contrast this with how another friends relationship progressed. By the third date he said straight out to her "I like you and I see this going somewhere. I want to be exclusive and be your boyfriend". 

    These are two very different ways of beginning relationships. No judgment, but the first is not a SO. 
  • @Ironring - The part I think is judgy is that she thinks some of these couples would "pose as a couple" - as in, pretend to be a couple - for the sake of being invited with a date. Reads to me that she would not believe that they are really a couple, but that per etiquette, she would have to invite them even if she didn't truly believe it.


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • OP - while I understand you simply wanted validation of your position, you won't find that here on this one and people would have pointed this out before you sent the invites and you could have simply skipped inviting all these individuals.  If you're at fire-code capacity, that's one thing, you're not, add the table, make three tables of 6 instead of 8 (or four tables of 8 instead of 10), and you're golden.  Add the extra table, it's not going to cost THAT much.  If you're worried, skip the centerpieces for those three to make room in the budget for the extra two guests and table linens (which are cheap from Sam's). 
  • I DIDNT ASK THEM THEY OFFERED!!!!!!!!


  • @Ironring - The part I think is judgy is that she thinks some of these couples would "pose as a couple" - as in, pretend to be a couple - for the sake of being invited with a date. Reads to me that she would not believe that they are really a couple, but that per etiquette, she would have to invite them even if she didn't truly believe it.


    Thanks....missed that. I could see that happening in a friends episode. 
  • I DIDNT ASK THEM THEY OFFERED!!!!!!!!



                            AlternaTickers - Cool free Web tickers
  • OP, I apologize, I confused with another Knottie#s.
  • Y'all are crazy here. 

    But here's my opinion: If it's causing a problem with the family (and it sounds like it is), then suck it up and invite the SOs. At the end of the day, this is causing more drama than it's worth. Pay the extra. You'll be happier. 
  • Maybe you should just elope!
  • Y'all are crazy here. 

    But here's my opinion: If it's causing a problem with the family (and it sounds like it is), then suck it up and invite the SOs. At the end of the day, this is causing more drama than it's worth. Pay the extra. You'll be happier. 
    We're crazy because we give correct advise and don't blow rainbows up ppl's arses?
    Tranquila!

    Hahahahaha, no insult intended. It has nothing to do with the type of advice being given. If you noticed, I didn't blow rainbows up her arse either. I think many people would read through this thread, shake their head, laugh a little, and say "people be crazy." 

    I just find this amusing, that's all. 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards