Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion
Options

Kids' Table

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
5 Love Its First Comment
edited September 2016 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Maybe I'm overthinking this, but a BM recently asked me if I planned on having activities for the kids at the kids' table (i.e. crafts, games), and it got me thinking. No, not about activities, but the whole idea of a kids' table.  In your opinion, is better to sit kids with their parents, or have a table just for the kids?  There will be a total of eight children at our wedding (not including toddlers and babies) ranging from ages five to ten.  The babies and toddlers will obviously sit with their parents, but what about the other kids? Not sure this matters, but FI and I are doing a sweetheart table and seating the WP with their SOs. Should I include the WP's kids at their tables too?  Is there a kids' table etiquette I should be following? 
Report Reply to Post
«1

Re: Kids' Table

  • Options
    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    WineAndLipgloss said:
    Maybe I'm overthinking this, but a BM recently asked me if I planned on having activities for the kids at the kids' table (i.e. crafts, games), and it got me thinking. No, not about activities, but the whole idea of a kids' table.  In your opinion, is better to sit kids with their parents, or have a table just for the kids?  There will be a total of eight children at our wedding (not including toddlers and babies) ranging from ages five to ten.  The babies and toddlers will obviously sit with their parents, but what about the other kids? Not sure this matters, but FI and I are doing a sweetheart table and seating the WP with their SOs. Should I include the WP's kids at their tables too?  Is there a kids' table etiquette I should be following? 
    I had a "kids" tables (and SH table and WP at regular tables), but there was one 7 year old, then they ranged from 13 to 16. I checked with the parents of the 7 year old if they preferred to have her sit with them or her brother and cousins, and I put the table right next to the parents. It worked out great, but the kids all knew each other well, the older kids were the brothers of the younger one, and their parents were close by, and they signed off before I made the seating chart. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    wmam35wmam35 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    edited September 2016
    I would seat kids with their parents.  My cousins had a wedding and they did a kids table, and my aunt and uncle were up constantly to help their 4 year old and 6 year old, and the table was right next to ours.  I've never heard of kids tables being a necessity. 

    If you have older kids (middle/high school) who are friends or are family that might be a fun kids table though.  I love any opportunity (when I was younger and even now) to sit with my cousins without our parents there listening.

    I also don't think it's your responsibility to provide activities for kids.  If you can and want to do it that's really nice, but if it's not in your budget, it is perfectly reasonable to expect parents to bring things to entertain their own children.  I have children and would never expect someone to provide crafts or games for my children at their wedding.  I know you didn't specifically ask about that but I thought I'd give my opinion.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MaggieF1990MaggieF1990 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think we had a "kids table" and had crayons and stuff for coloring because I have a lot of young cousins who my mom thought might get restless. Having said that, I don't think it was totally necessary because from what I saw, most of the kids danced the entire time.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    We are seating the kids with their parents since ours are all under 4yrs old, but providing colour in placemats, crayons, bubbles - stuff like that. Not that it'll make a single bit of difference as the two oldest boys will just run around and scream in each others faces until one of them cries. Can't wait!
                 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    Heffalump said:
    5 to 10 years old? Definitely seat them with their parents, unless your wedding theme is Lord of the Flies, Revisited.
    It depends on the kids.    I had my nieces and nephews ages 6-13 and that sat at their own table (well actually they sat at OUR table).   No issues at all.  No crafts, no games, no coloring books, no electronic tablets. Nothing.  They were all well behaved.  They ate their food. They danced.  And the 3 10-years went off to the side and choreographed a dance for us.  (they performed the dance after the wedding).

    Growing up we were always put at a "kids" table with our first cousins.  Never had an issue either.  This is way before computers and tablets.  We again, ate, danced and socialized.

    OP - This is very much a know your crowd thing.   I would never put a bunch of kids who do not know each other together.  I wouldn't put kids who have known behavior issues at a table by themselves. 

     However, there are some situations it works well.   Like with my nieces and nephews. Actually my siblings are the ones who requested the kids sit together.  That way they could hang out with adults and the kids can hang out together.   All the kids go to school and not know how to behave at a meal table without mom and dad.  

    Note - my siblings were at a table close by to the kids.  I wouldn't put the kids at a table across the room.   "The look" from their parents is enough for my nieces/nephews to shape up.  Not that they needed any looks from their parents at the wedding.  Or at least I didn't notice if there were "looks" thrown their way.
    This. Kids that are strangers don't want to be away from their parents, but kids who know each other well could have a really good time together. Our kids always sat at a kids' table growing up. When they finally were allowed to sit at the grown up table they said it was more fun at the kids' table.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kylexokylexo member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    We sat kids with their parents and gave each of them a dollar store coloring book and crayons. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2016
    We did have a kids' table.  The ages of the kids were about the same as your guests OP, 5-10 or so.  It worked very nicely because the kids sat at the table right next to their parents (DH's sisters and cousins) and because they all knew each other...I wouldn't sit random kids together just because they happen to be close in age.  My inlaws always have a kids' table at holidays, so at Christmas (our wedding was in February) I asked the parents what seating they preferred for the wedding, and they gave the kids' table the green light.  I'd def ask the parents.

    To answer your question, I'd had crayons, coloring books, and small toys out for the kids, all of which was completely ignored since they had their tablets out when they weren't tearing up the dance floor.

    ETA  grammar :expressionless:
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    We're having nephews sit with us and our parents, and nieces sitting with close friends of mine (they've all met many times and enjoy each other). Nephews & nieces are/will be teenagers, and this arrangement is good with their parents.

    We wanted a seating plan that would allow their parents to have more adult conversations at their tables AND be fun for the nieces and nephews. They'll all be near each other in any case, and I wouldn't mix it up like this if it wasn't comfortable for everyone.

    There will also be friends' kids invited who will be toddlers. Don't know if they're coming yet but if they are they'll be seated with their parents, since they're little/won't know anyone else there. I'll ask their parents at the time what kind of activities they might like.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    Heffalump said:
    5 to 10 years old? Definitely seat them with their parents, unless your wedding theme is Lord of the Flies, Revisited.
    It depends on the kids.    I had my nieces and nephews ages 6-13 and that sat at their own table (well actually they sat at OUR table).   No issues at all.  No crafts, no games, no coloring books, no electronic tablets. Nothing.  They were all well behaved.  They ate their food. They danced.  And the 3 10-years went off to the side and choreographed a dance for us.  (they performed the dance after the wedding).

    Growing up we were always put at a "kids" table with our first cousins.  Never had an issue either.  This is way before computers and tablets.  We again, ate, danced and socialized.

    OP - This is very much a know your crowd thing.   I would never put a bunch of kids who do not know each other together.  I wouldn't put kids who have known behavior issues at a table by themselves. 

     However, there are some situations it works well.   Like with my nieces and nephews. Actually my siblings are the ones who requested the kids sit together.  That way they could hang out with adults and the kids can hang out together.   All the kids go to school and not know how to behave at a meal table without mom and dad.  

    Note - my siblings were at a table close by to the kids.  I wouldn't put the kids at a table across the room.   "The look" from their parents is enough for my nieces/nephews to shape up.  Not that they needed any looks from their parents at the wedding.  Or at least I didn't notice if there were "looks" thrown their way.
    That is so sweet!  What a precious memory.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    sparklepants41sparklepants41 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    We had a "kids table" for our nieces and cousins who were in middle school and high school at the time - they had a blast. For our young nephews (toddlers) we asked their parents what they would prefer. As we had expected, they said they would prefer that their sons sit with them at the table, which is understandable, but wanted to at least give them the option.


    Report Reply
  • Options
    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    short+sassy said:
    lyndausvi said:
    Heffalump said:
    5 to 10 years old? Definitely seat them with their parents, unless your wedding theme is Lord of the Flies, Revisited.
      And the 3 10-years went off to the side and choreographed a dance for us.  (they performed the dance after the wedding).


    That is so sweet!  What a precious memory.
    It really was sweet and something I will never forget.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Heffalump said:
    5 to 10 years old? Definitely seat them with their parents, unless your wedding theme is Lord of the Flies, Revisited.
    OMG I just spit out my Chile Mocha all over my computer screen!  This is fantastic.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    InLoveInQueensInLoveInQueens member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    madamerwin said:
    We sat kids with their parents, but we also had a kids table they could use if they wanted to, with crayons, coloring books, games, etc. Kids visited it as they wanted, but they ate with their parents.

    I'd definitely seat 5-10 year-olds with their parents, but if you have the space, you could always have an extra table with crafts and games they can use.
    I was going to suggest something like this, if space/budget allows and OP wanted. Seat kids with parents but have an activity table to keep them entertained after dinner is done, if they want to do that. Good way to keep kids occupied if they don't want to dance around and hang with the grownups.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Heffalump said:
    5 to 10 years old? Definitely seat them with their parents, unless your wedding theme is Lord of the Flies, Revisited.
    ^^This. Definitely this!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    TrixieJess said:
    Heffalump said:
    5 to 10 years old? Definitely seat them with their parents, unless your wedding theme is Lord of the Flies, Revisited.
    ^^This. Definitely this!
    Unless like I'd said and I believe Lynda did too, you're dealing with kids who can handle sitting at their own table. I know to some it seems crazy, but some 5-10-year-olds really can handle it.  Know your crowd.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    eileenrob said:
    TrixieJess said:
    Heffalump said:
    5 to 10 years old? Definitely seat them with their parents, unless your wedding theme is Lord of the Flies, Revisited.
    ^^This. Definitely this!
    Unless like I'd said and I believe Lynda did too, you're dealing with kids who can handle sitting at their own table. I know to some it seems crazy, but some 5-10-year-olds really can handle it.  Know your crowd.
    yep.

    My  nieces/nephews eat at kids tables at family gatherings all the time. At  my parent's house (and sister's for that matter) they played  in the game room unsupervised together without issues.   The girls all slept in the game room together without their  parents (started when they were 4 or so years old.)  Boys shared another room.  

       Just because this event is a wedding doesn't mean they all the sudden become heathens.     They know how to act without their parents sitting next to them.

    It's not a one size fits all situation.  Know your crowd.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer

    I agree with the PP's who say this is a know your crowd situation.  When it comes to my in-laws many of the children learn at a young age to sit and behave themselves at such events.  They can eat on their own and generally won't get into too much trouble.  However on my side, the children would do much better with their parents their helping them cut up their food, watching for potential allergens etc...no way is right or wrong, it just depends on the group.

    If you're unsure, I would ask anyone that responded with their children if they have a preference.  You can also set up a place for them to play if you have the room, but again it isn't required.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    eileenrob said:
    TrixieJess said:
    Heffalump said:
    5 to 10 years old? Definitely seat them with their parents, unless your wedding theme is Lord of the Flies, Revisited.
    ^^This. Definitely this!
    Unless like I'd said and I believe Lynda did too, you're dealing with kids who can handle sitting at their own table. I know to some it seems crazy, but some 5-10-year-olds really can handle it.  Know your crowd.
    My kid is awesome on his own. He has great table manners and behaves impeccably. Put him in a room or at a table with even one other child, you would think he was raised by wolves. 

    I agree it's a know your crowd, I'm just agreeing with Heffa, in my crowd it would be Lord of the Flies. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2016

    It's a "read your crowd" thing, but if they're a family that everyone is together all the time with "Central sorting" taking place at GM's house each night, then go ahead and have the kiddos sit together for dinner.  Otherwise yes, by their parents!!!

    What she might have been referring to is a table that just has some "kid things" put on it...  DH's cousin did this at her wedding recently, coloring books, crayons (super cheap right now with the back to school sales), scissors, craft stuff, and glow sticks/necklaces (which adults love just as much as the kids TBH as just a fun thing...  For $20-30 it's something for the kids to "occupy themselves" with instead of just chasing eachother around the room...  Plus,  with the glow sticks (can be activated by the guests so nothing needs to be done by you/anyone else other than setting them on the table), they're something people just had fun with since the rooms are usually dimmed for the reception anyway...

    Report Reply
  • Options
    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you are having lots of kids, consider having a kids dance with the bride.  The Hokey-Pokey works beautifully, and you will have great photo ops!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Sorry, I should've stated the kids include my FI's son, niece and nephews. These children are very close with one another. During the holidays, they all all sit politely together. The other four are my cousins' kids and are also close and well behaved. I haven't sent out invitations. I still have months, but I'm a compulsive planner. Once I'm truly ready to get seating charts together, I'm going to ask their parents what they prefer.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    madamerwinmadamerwin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    WineAndLipgloss said:
    Sorry, I should've stated the kids include my FI's son, niece and nephews. These children are very close with one another. During the holidays, they all all sit politely together. The other four are my cousins' kids and are also close and well behaved. I haven't sent out invitations. I still have months, but I'm a compulsive planner. Once I'm truly ready to get seating charts together, I'm going to ask their parents what they prefer.
    If you still have months to go and invites have not gone out (and they shouldn't go out until about 8 weeks beforehand), then I definitely think you're overthinking it. For all you know, some of these people may decline the invitation. No point wasting too much time planning the seating chart before all of you RSVPs are in!
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    YogaSandyYogaSandy member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I had very few children at my wedding, so I didn't have a kids' table. 

    Growing up, I was very close to my cousins. As an adult, one was my best friend. That said, I HATED being sat at the kids' table at family gathering. Maybe I liked it / didn't mind when I was younger, but prob around 10-13 (I'm 36, I don't remember when I "graduated" to the grown up table). I felt it was so juvenile and condescending to be seated at a kids' table. Part of it might have been because I was the second oldest, but I hated it with a passion. I never spoke up about it, as I didn't like to rock the boat, but always felt humiliated by it. Not that all kids feel this way, but I did, so it is more than simply knowing your crowd, because they wouldn't have known how I really felt. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited September 2016
    YogaSandy said:
    I had very few children at my wedding, so I didn't have a kids' table. 

    Growing up, I was very close to my cousins. As an adult, one was my best friend. That said, I HATED being sat at the kids' table at family gathering. Maybe I liked it / didn't mind when I was younger, but prob around 10-13 (I'm 36, I don't remember when I "graduated" to the grown up table). I felt it was so juvenile and condescending to be seated at a kids' table. Part of it might have been because I was the second oldest, but I hated it with a passion. I never spoke up about it, as I didn't like to rock the boat, but always felt humiliated by it. Not that all kids feel this way, but I did, so it is more than simply knowing your crowd, because they wouldn't have known how I really felt. 
    I can relate. In my Dad's family, there are four of us who were born in a seven-year span (me, my brother, and my two cousins). The older cousins were seven and four years older than me, so they probably sat at the kids' table at some point in my distant memory. What I do remember is being "in charge" of my brother and cousins and making sure everyone stayed out of trouble and didn't make too much of a mess. Not really embarrassing, but definitely annoying. I was basically babysitting for free.

    In my Mom's family, there were five of us in a five-year span, so it was less of a big deal. Plus those cousins lived six hours away, so it was just good to see them. The only real issue was my youngest cousin being an extremely picky eater and being a PITA about it.

    I like PPs' idea of an activity table (or two) for kids.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards