Moms and Maids

MOB/FMIL Dress Colors?

lnsurmeierlnsurmeier
First Comment
member
edited January 26 in Moms and Maids
Hello!

My wedding theme colors are various shades of purple with small accents of gold. We were planning on having the groom and BM/GM wear charcoal. The BM/MOH will wear dark purple. Flower Girl will be wearing white/lilac. 

My mom is having trouble coming up with a color to wear for MOB. She likes the idea of black and gold, but I'm not sure that will go, as all of the dresses she's shown me have more black than gold in them. She is telling me all of the MOB dresses are navy (wont go for sure), brown, gold/black, smoke, silver or champagne. All of the champagne colors look too close to my wedding dress color and silver will clash with the gold accents.

What colors do you think would go best? Both MOB and FMIL are against wearing light colors since they are both fair skinned. I feel like there is only 1 color option that will truly work (smoke), but then what color does FMIL wear?

Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! I am baffled at this point and I don't want my wedding to look too "Halloweeny" with the purple/black/gold in August, but I'm not sure that will really be an issue with just one dress. My mom just wants to look and feel her best alone and standing with the wedding party.

Also, I understand my FMIL can wear whatever color she wants, but my mom is pretty set on the "traditional" she picks first, then FMIL so they don't "wear the same color". My FMIL has no idea and asked me for suggestions (at first she thought she had to match the BM). Both of them are asking me for color help, and honestly, I am running out of ideas!

Thank you!

Re: MOB/FMIL Dress Colors?

  • Hello!

    My wedding theme colors are various shades of purple with small accents of gold. We were planning on having the groom and BM/GM wear charcoal. The BM/MOH will wear dark purple. Flower Girl will be wearing white/lilac. 

    My mom is having trouble coming up with a color to wear for MOB. She likes the idea of black and gold, but I'm not sure that will go, as all of the dresses she's shown me have more black than gold in them. She is telling me all of the MOB dresses are navy (wont go for sure), brown, gold/black, smoke, silver or champagne. All of the champagne colors look too close to my wedding dress color and silver will clash with the gold accents.

    What colors do you think would go best? Both MOB and FMIL are against wearing light colors since they are both fair skinned. I feel like there is only 1 color option that will truly work (smoke), but then what color does FMIL wear?

    Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! I am baffled at this point and I don't want my wedding to look too "Halloweeny" with the purple/black/gold in August, but I'm not sure that will really be an issue with just one dress. My mom just wants to look and feel her best alone and standing with the wedding party.

    Also, I understand my FMIL can wear whatever color she wants, but my mom is pretty set on the "traditional" she picks first, then FMIL so they don't "wear the same color". My FMIL has no idea and asked me for suggestions (at first she thought she had to match the BM). Both of them are asking me for color help, and honestly, I am running out of ideas!

    Thank you!

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    justsie
  • Your mother gets to choose her dress.  It does not need to coordinate with your bridesmaids.  They won't be in the same photos.
    Your FMIL gets to choose her dress.  Ditto everything I just posted.

    The bride does not choose colors or dresses for the MOB or the FMIL.  As long as they don't show up wearing a wedding dress, it is OK.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    lnsurmeierSP29
  • We didn't take any pictures with our BP and parents together, or both sets of parents together (we didn't take a lot of posed pictures).  I would have to look at the pics of our parents to tell you what the moms were wearing.  I know they both wore dresses they already owned, both nice but fairly casual--nothing from a "mother of the bride" line.  Honestly neither one asked me for input, because none of us had ever heard of the tradition you mentioned.  They were just dressing up to go to a wedding, which is something they'd both done plenty of times before. 
    If your mom wants your help finding something she looks good in, offer to go through her closet with her or take her to Macy's or something until she finds that dress that makes her go "wow--I look good!"  Tell her to forget your color scheme, as she may feel "trapped" in certain styles or colors, but nothing she really likes.  
    If she's afraid people won't know she's the MOB--we got our moms and grandmothers corsages and our dads and grandfathers bouts, to recognize them as guests of honor.  
    lnsurmeiercowgirl8238short+sassySP29
  • They don't have to coordinate, however unintentionally my MIL matched my H and my mum matched me in small ways.

    Best idea is find out what kind of style they would like, and suggest going shopping with them :) that way you can be encouraging on what looks great.

    My MIL had a dress that worked perfectly and she already had it in her closet. My mum and I ended up finding a great dress at a vintage show!
    lnsurmeierOurWildKingdom
  • missfrodo said:
    We didn't take any pictures with our BP and parents together, or both sets of parents together (we didn't take a lot of posed pictures).  I would have to look at the pics of our parents to tell you what the moms were wearing.  I know they both wore dresses they already owned, both nice but fairly casual--nothing from a "mother of the bride" line.  Honestly neither one asked me for input, because none of us had ever heard of the tradition you mentioned.  They were just dressing up to go to a wedding, which is something they'd both done plenty of times before. 
    If your mom wants your help finding something she looks good in, offer to go through her closet with her or take her to Macy's or something until she finds that dress that makes her go "wow--I look good!"  Tell her to forget your color scheme, as she may feel "trapped" in certain styles or colors, but nothing she really likes.  
    If she's afraid people won't know she's the MOB--we got our moms and grandmothers corsages and our dads and grandfathers bouts, to recognize them as guests of honor.  
    That is a wonderful idea. I just want both of them to be stress free and to choose something they love. I know my mom was worried about people not being able to tell she was MOB. Thank you!
    SP29
  • Black (and brown, navy, champagne, gray, silver, etc.) is neutral and therefore 'goes' with everything. Your mom and FMIL are not obligated to coordinate with the bridesmaids anyway because they're not likely to even be in pictures together. It's pretty standard for the couple to pose with either wedding party or family, but generally not both at the same time.

    Tell them to stop asking you and wear what they feel beautiful in (and they don't have to pick it out of the 'mother of the bride' section! They can just go to a department store they like.)
    Oh! I did not know! I have never been in a wedding before other than my sisters, and they did a large group photo of everyone together with the families. Thank you for the information! 
    SP29
  • Thank you for all the information and reaffirming my thoughts! I will have a conversation with my mom -- I think she is a little burned from previous conflicts with weddings and so that is why she is being a bit controlling over this. 
    artbyallie
  • My Mom and MIL were both baffled by the whole "you can wear whatever you want". I helped my Mom look through her closet to pick something (she doesn't like shopping and has some really pretty items already) and my MIL went wild and found something new she liked at Nordstroms.

    They did end up in one picture together (we ended up doing one with all of us together) but it isn't something I really cared about.

    I would have separate conversations with each about wearing whatever and let both make their decisions independent from each other.

    lnsurmeierOurWildKingdom
  • Both my mom and MIL asked me about their dresses and I told them to wear whatever they want.  My mom ended up texting me some picture of dresses and purchased a nice blue dress from Kohls (on sale with a coupon) for like $30.  My MIL went the more traditional "MOB" style and got a very nice much more formal looking grey dress.  The dad's both wore suits they already owned.  We used flowers (bouts for the guys and corsages that could be pinned to the dress if they wanted for the women) and no one was confused on who was who. 

    I'm glad to see that some of these trends are starting to die off.  I much prefer the wear whatever you want approach to the whole it must be X dress.

    geebee908OurWildKingdomSP29
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I'm going against the grain a little and say in my social group parents definitely coordinates with the WP.  Mostly because WP in my social group are often full of siblings, so when we do the family photos we all try to coordinate.   Coordinate doesn't mean match, we just try to avoid flat out clashing.  If you do not have siblings in the wedding or are not doing formal family shots it's not an issue.   My social group always does them so that is why we try.

    Like others have said, your mom doesn't have to pick first.  Personally, I think it's rude to the MOG.  Why make her wait until the last minute?   

    Anyway, purple, silver, black, gray, silver would all look good.


    Oh, I've seen many MOB and MOG wear the same color, similar colors of each other or even the BMs.   They've always looked great to me.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    OurWildKingdomeileenrobcowgirl8238
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Your mom doesn't have to buy her dress in a bridal shop. She could go to her favorite department store or boutique and find something that suits her. Nordstrom has a great selection of MOB appropriate dresses and a great return policy if she decides to order and try on several dresses. 

    As for MOB choosing a dress first and MOG, choosing second - that's an old tradition from a time when the POB paid for the wedding and the MOB ran the whole wedding show. Poor MOG had to be careful not to step on MOB's toes. 
                
    ernursejSP29
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    lyndausvi said:
    I'm going against the grain a little and say in my social group parents definitely coordinates with the WP.  Mostly because WP in my social group are often full of siblings, so when we do the family photos we all try to coordinate.   Coordinate doesn't mean match, we just try to avoid flat out clashing.  If you do not have siblings in the wedding or are not doing formal family shots it's not an issue.   My social group always does them so that is why we try.

    Like others have said, your mom doesn't have to pick first.  Personally, I think it's rude to the MOG.  Why make her wait until the last minute?   

    Anyway, purple, silver, black, gray, silver would all look good.


    Oh, I've seen many MOB and MOG wear the same color, similar colors of each other or even the BMs.   They've always looked great to me.  
    Come to think of it, DD's MIL and I wore the same colors but totally different dresses. Hadn't thought about it until now.
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    lyndausvi said:
    I'm going against the grain a little and say in my social group parents definitely coordinates with the WP.  Mostly because WP in my social group are often full of siblings, so when we do the family photos we all try to coordinate.   Coordinate doesn't mean match, we just try to avoid flat out clashing.  If you do not have siblings in the wedding or are not doing formal family shots it's not an issue.   My social group always does them so that is why we try.

    Like others have said, your mom doesn't have to pick first.  Personally, I think it's rude to the MOG.  Why make her wait until the last minute?   

    Anyway, purple, silver, black, gray, silver would all look good.


    Oh, I've seen many MOB and MOG wear the same color, similar colors of each other or even the BMs.   They've always looked great to me.  
    Completely agree. I don't know if my mom thinks she's supposed to match, but she has chosen to match at her three daughters' weddings so far. (I haven't said anything about it one way or the other). At my wedding, my MiL matched as well. My mom wore a purple dress and my MIl wore a purple top and a black skirt. Both our fathers wore purple ties. 

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    lyndausvi said:
    I'm going against the grain a little and say in my social group parents definitely coordinates with the WP.  Mostly because WP in my social group are often full of siblings, so when we do the family photos we all try to coordinate.   Coordinate doesn't mean match, we just try to avoid flat out clashing.  If you do not have siblings in the wedding or are not doing formal family shots it's not an issue.   My social group always does them so that is why we try.

    Like others have said, your mom doesn't have to pick first.  Personally, I think it's rude to the MOG.  Why make her wait until the last minute?   

    Anyway, purple, silver, black, gray, silver would all look good.


    Oh, I've seen many MOB and MOG wear the same color, similar colors of each other or even the BMs.   They've always looked great tome.  
    I knew the colors of the wedding party attire and decor, venue and chose a color that wouldn't clash. MOG and my mom did the same. My mother was the one who was obsessed with coordinating colors. It reminded me of how controlling she was when she planned my wedding. That was not fun.
                
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited January 29
    My late mother bought her grandmother-of-the-bride dress about four years before my daughter was even engaged.  Mom was obsessed with beautiful clothes, and fell in love with the dress.  She figured that the only place she could wear it was at my daughter's wedding, someday in the future.

    She did not attend daughter's wedding for several reasons.  She loved that dress so much, that when she died, I cut the tags off and had her buried in it.  It was what she wanted.

    ....and you thought YOUR family was weird!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Neither my mom nor FMIL bought their dress in the "mom wedding dress" section. Before they picked out their dresses, they did talk about which colors they both like best, which ones they look better in, etc. Turns out they both like different color palettes, problem solved.

    Honestly as long as their dresses aren't completely obnoxious, they won't clash with your WP for the few pictures you'll all be in together. Once things get going, no one will be looking that closely at what anyone is wearing anyway!
    cowgirl8238
  • My mom wore champagne. She looked beautiful, and no one thought it was too similar to my wedding gown (not that it would have mattered). Honestly, what made the day for me was that everyone I loved felt amazing in what they were in. It makes a big difference when people feel good.





    short+sassy
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    lyndausvi said:
    I'm going against the grain a little and say in my social group parents definitely coordinates with the WP.  Mostly because WP in my social group are often full of siblings, so when we do the family photos we all try to coordinate.   Coordinate doesn't mean match, we just try to avoid flat out clashing.  If you do not have siblings in the wedding or are not doing formal family shots it's not an issue.   My social group always does them so that is why we try.

    Like others have said, your mom doesn't have to pick first.  Personally, I think it's rude to the MOG.  Why make her wait until the last minute?   

    Anyway, purple, silver, black, gray, silver would all look good.


    Oh, I've seen many MOB and MOG wear the same color, similar colors of each other or even the BMs.   They've always looked great to me.  
    Sure, but this doesn't need to be a production or have rules to follow.

    Our family kind of did the same. Our wedding colours were navy, plum and lavender. Both our moms wore purple, in different shades (though purple is both of their favourite colours anyway). SIL wore a cobalt blue dress. We gave my brothers purple ties to wear. My dad chose to wear a tie with purple in it. FIL wore a blue tie. Other than that, people wore what they wanted, but navy is pretty neutral, and purple goes with a lot anyway, so it was easy to get a cohesive look without anyone planning anything out. I imagine many people, if close with the bride and groom, would try to match, but they still have the freedom of colour (same or matching), shade and clothing itself.

    I also had some people ask me what our wedding colours were. Family usually asked because they wanted to coordinate, and one of my friends asked because she didn't want to wear the same colour as my BMs (even though I told her to wear whatever she wanted!!).
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