So we are keeping our wedding pretty small. We invited FI's aunts, uncles, and cousins, because when all said and done there are only 40 people in his whole extended family total. No biggie, also most aren't coming because of distance. We still invited them because FMIL asked and I am happy to oblige.
My family on the other hand, is massive. Also some of them are total a**holes and aren't speaking to each other, and some of them crapped all over my mom at Christmas for no other reason than they want to stir up drama. So I have cut a swath of them out of my life. I'm just over the rudeness and cruelty. A bunch of my cousins, uncles, and aunts have been talking really REALLY poorly about my siblings and I, all of which isn't true, but the whole family has just become a big competition about who is doing better than who. It's really gross, they run down each other and each others kids to make themselves look better.
I have 2 aunts that I am very close to. One is a professional hairstylist and I am actually inviting her as a vendor because things are tight for her family and I want to help her out. She offered to do it for free as a wedding gift, but I am going to generously compensate her because I love her. Also she is the only person who knows my hair (she's the only one who seems to cut it properly, and she's styled it for every important event in my life, such as prom, my first wedding, etc). She is SO excited to be part of the day, and the girls and I are picking simple styles to make her life easy so she isn't worn out by the time the party happens. She only has sons and always wanted a girl, so she adores any chance to do girly things, and getting ready for the day is totally up her alley.
The other aunt I want to invite as a guest. Is it ok for me to just invite the 2 aunts but exclude all of the rest of the extended family? I am not questioning it because I'm afraid of hurting feelings. I'm not, those people are super toxic and I am not interested in pretending I want to be in the same room as them, but if etiquette requires it, I will consider bending, or I will not invite non-vendor aunt. We aren't inviting any cousins either. Basically we wanted immediate family, plus these 2 aunts. My mom has given her blessing for me to invite/exclude anyone I want, but she also side-eyed our open bar, LOL, so I don't trust her in terms of what is and isn't acceptable. Most of my family also side-eyes having a wedding when one is divorced. In their eyes I should just get married quietly at the courthouse in a beige pantsuit. My mom has been super hurt by many of her siblings and so I don't think she particularly wants them at the wedding either, but would of course be gracious should I invite them.
What do you guys think? I'm not asking just so I can argue, promise. I honestly want to know if I have to adhere to the circles thing, or if it's ok to leave out people I am essentially estranged from (some of these people I haven't seen/spoken to in well over a year).