Someone wants to throw me a shower, but they're not invited to the wedding...

Re: Someone wants to throw me a shower, but they're not invited to the wedding...

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  levioosa member

  

  June 2017

  I would decline the invitation. There's not really a way to send out invitations without seeming like it is B-listing (which, it kind of is, even if you didn't intend for it to be that way). Plus, you aren't close to these people, so it might come off as gift grabby. 

  
  

  
  

  

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  kahluakoala member

  

  June 2017

  
  

  Knottie6abe5809eb0d3cfc said:

  
  

  I'm definitely on the proper etiquette bandwagon that shower guests = wedding guests.
  
  I've had a couple lovely women from a community group offer to throw me a shower. Some of them are invited to the wedding but some aren't (and I'm not particularly close to them).
  
  Do I accept the very kind offer to throw me a shower? Do I now have to quickly mail them a wedding invitation? What do I do?!

  
  

  
  
  Personally I kind of think a community group shower falls into the same category as a church shower or a work shower - I don't think these people will expect to be invited to the wedding.

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  JediElizabeth member

  

  June 2017

  
  

  KahluaKoala said:

  
  

  
  
  

  Knottie6abe5809eb0d3cfc said:

  
  
  

  I'm definitely on the proper etiquette bandwagon that shower guests = wedding guests.
  
  I've had a couple lovely women from a community group offer to throw me a shower. Some of them are invited to the wedding but some aren't (and I'm not particularly close to them).
  
  Do I accept the very kind offer to throw me a shower? Do I now have to quickly mail them a wedding invitation? What do I do?!

  
  
  

  
  
  
  Personally I kind of think a community group shower falls into the same category as a church shower or a work shower - I don't think these people will expect to be invited to the wedding.

  
  

  
  This depends on the community group, and it's size. For a large team of volunteers or a sports team, I'd feel this way. Not so much for a book club or knitting circle, which in my experience cap out at 10 people or so and are far less structured. 

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  Jen4948 member

  

  June 2017 edited June 2017

  I think it depends on the nature and closeness of your relationships with the group members. If you don't socialize with the group members outside group meetings or get-togethers, then I think you could have the shower without inviting them to the wedding. But if you have relationships with the group members beyond group activities, then I would turn down the shower if you don't plan to invite them to the wedding.

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  ahoywedding member

  

  June 2017

  How many people are in this group? Do they throw showers or other celebrations for other members of the group? If it's something they do for everyone, I'd treat it like a coworker celebration or church group that celebrates everything.
  
  Do the people who aren't invited know they're not invited? If they know and they're cool with it and throw showers for everyone, you're probably ok to go ahead with it. If some of those women may feel slighted they're not invited to the wedding, it probably would't be a good idea (just in the interest of maintaining those relationships).

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  southernbelle0915 mod

  

  June 2017

  If you've already sent out other invitations, you must be within 8 weeks (MAX) of your wedding. You could thank them for their kind and thoughtful offer, but let them know you just have too much going on and limited free time between now and the wedding. 

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  Knottie6abe5809eb0d3cfc member

  

  June 2017

  Original poster here:
  These are all such great thoughts - thanks everyone for the input.
  
  It's a fairly large group that is supportive of everyone's life events - marriage, babies, birthdays, funerals, etc so it seems like they probably wouldn't expect to be invited. There are a handful of them that I do socialize with outside the group (and they do have wedding invites), so I think it'll be okay if I don't invite them. It does feel more like a work shower. 

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