Invites and Paper

His...not Hers....the blended family problem

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Re: His...not Hers....the blended family problem

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
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    I'm the PP who said you were being petty, and I stand by that. You are being purposefully hurtful by excluding children who didn't have a say in any of this. YOU are the one who will strain any future relationships by this action.  I get complicated family situations. SO's family is a cluster, and his parents can be very conservative and judgy. Right now one of his brothers is dating a girl with four kids. No one except me, SO, and SO's sister and her bf know.  I don't see the relationship ending well (for multiple reasons), but I have nothing against those kids (or against the gf). If SO's brother came up to us and told us he was married to her now, I would be welcoming to those children. They would be welcome to the family holidays and events just like any other family member. Frankly, they're welcome now. It doesn't matter what I think of their relationship. I'm not going to exclude people just because they aren't "blood related." Kids know when they're not wanted. Why start off a relationship like that? 

    And adding a couple kids cannot possibly break the budget. You are lucky enough to have your parents contributing to the reception. Chip in to start family relationships off on the right foot. You are scrounging for excuses on that one.  


    @InLoveInQueens I remember that poster. She was awful. Like...next level awful. 


    image
    OliveOilsMomsparklepants41OurWildKingdom
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I'm sad that your FBIL is treating the children like a 'dirty little secret.' How disrespectful to the children, their mother and your fi's family. You must rise above and include her children. The one year old wouldn't know the difference, but the two older children are old enough to realize the insult if you invite their step-siblings and not them. From an etiquette standpoint, that would be very rude. 

    I understand your hurt over your FBIL not telling you and fi about his marriage. His brother should tell him he is hurt and ask why he kept an important milestone a secret. Maybe he was worried that your FILs would reject his step-children.

    When you tell your parents about the three additional children, you and fi could offer to pay for them. Having your guest list finalized isn't a good excuse. Between now and your wedding, other guests might get married, widowed, divorced, start dating someone etc....and then your guest list would change. This is no different.
                
    mollybarker11OurWildKingdom
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I wish I could remember the details of the post this reminds me of (hint hint help a girl out! not the one that's currently making people nauseous in Wedding Party), the woman posted about her soon-to-be-step daughter and you could just smell the disdain for this kid through the computer. She was just so awful about an innocent child who did nothing but be born and she was aiming to beat Cinderella's stepmother for worst stepmother of the year award.
    Oh NO! Those details are singed into my brain. The bride 2 be paid for her own daughter's music lessons and sports, while the fi's daughter went without. Her reasoning - she made more money than her fi and he and his ex couldn't afford extras. She and fi befriended ex's estranged parents. She wanted those grandparents to take SD home after wedding so she wouldn't interfere with 'sexy time.' I don't remember her SN, but she most likely is 'deleted poster,' now.

    I think it would be a TOS violation to post a link to the thread :(
    That thread was awful! I can't believe people can be so cruel to innocent children.
    MairePoppylevioosaSTARMOON44
  • edited July 27
    How did I miss this thread? 

    Invite the kids. Are you serious?! It's THREE KIDS. Be the bigger person. Jesus. Whether you think you should have known about their wedding or been invited is irrelevant. You should not split families, which is what you're trying to do.

    There is no appropriate way to write this on an envelope because it's not appropriate. You may as well write "John and Jane Smith and ONLY JOHN'S CHILDREN - we don't know those other kids so DON'T BRING THEM" I mean seriously, that's what you're basically asking to do. And there is NO way to do it without being an asshole.

    And what a "welcome" to these new family members.. Get a hold of yourself, OP!
    *********************************************************************************

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    ahoyweddingsparklepants41SP29OurWildKingdom
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Invite all of the kids or none of the kids.  It's really not that complicated.



    OurWildKingdom
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
  • I'll bet the FBIL & his wife kept their wedding a secret because they were afraid people would act like Judgy McJudgersons. 
    Considering the wedding isn't for nearly 6 months and the OP is already trying to figure out how to limit these people I have a feeling that you're not far off. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
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    Why not just elope? Then you don't have to take anyone's feelings into consideration but yours and your FI's.
  • edited August 28
    Edit stupid phone posting, tried to delete an old draft and accidentally hit enter, so enjoy my almost empty and totally useless post! 
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