Extended family I've met once invites

Re: Extended family I've met once invites

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  southernbelle0915 mod

  

  September 2017

  If your parents are paying, they get a big say in the guest list. You can voice your opinion, but I would pick and choose your battles. 
  
  I would not pick the battle about your great aunts/uncles being invited. Depending on their age and health, sometimes these are "last chance" events to see family. And it's only a couple seats. Just say "oh ok I'll add them to the list. Please get me their addresses."
  
  However, with your uncle's kids from his first marriage who you've only met once at a funeral and who do not get along with his other kids....this does seem to warrant a conversation. That would potentially be an entire table or more if they have SOs and you're inviting kids. Depending on the size of your wedding, it seems significant. 
  
  I think you can just say "mom and dad, I was thinking about our conversation at dinner - about inviting Uncle Joe's kids from his first marriage. I'd really like to keep the wedding to mostly people I know and who have played a part in my life. Not only do I not really know these people, but they don't get along with Uncle Joe and Aunt Pam's kids at all. How set are you on including them?"

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  ahoywedding member

  

  September 2017

  Ditto that. I wouldn't put up a fight about your grandparents' siblings, just add them to the list and seat them near your grandparents or other family they know if they're able to attend. 
  
  I think you have some leverage with you uncle's children from his first marriage, especially if they distanced themselves from your family after he passed. I would ask your parents why they think the children need to be invited, but you could definitely push back a little there.

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  charlotte989875 member

  

  September 2017

  Totally agree with @southernbelle0915's wording, and go from there. Is you Dad insistent? Maybe he doesn't know the extent of the sibling dislike? I definitely think you can push back here a little, but if they're paying and they absolutely want these cousins to come I think you (and the cousins) suck it up for one night. But yeah it's frustrating and I get where you're coming from. 
  
  I also wouldnt push push back in the grandparents siblings; like others said above if it's not many seats and would mean something to your grandparents/parents and it's not a big thing to you I'd just invite them.  

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  LondonLisa member

  

  September 2017

  augustgirl21 said:

  Fully understanding what all my friends said about family drama coming out when planning wedding lol. 
  
  Here's the situation. I was casually going over the list of invites with my parents (who are paying) during dinner. (aka just talking about the "non-obvious" invites/maybes) And my mom asked if I had my grandma's sister on the list or my grandpa's brother. I was mildly unaware my grandparents had siblings...so no their not on the list but if its important to my mom for them to come sure. (again. parents are paying)
  
  Then my Dad asked if I was inviting Suzy*, Sandy* and Bob* my uncles kids from his first marriage. I said no and he seems shocked and said "but they're you're first cousins"
  
  Yes, but I met Suzy and Sandy once at their father's (my uncles) funeral. I've met Bob maybe 3 times my entire life. I didn't know Suzy and Sandy existed until a few months before my uncle passed away.  
  
  I would be like "sure whatever they can come" but his other kids (one is his step son but lived/raised him since he was 2) who I've known/hung around my entire life told me that they don't really get along/like Suzy, Sandy & Bob.
  They did not speak to each other at their father's funeral.
  
  I want my cousins I'm closer to, to come to the wedding and be fully comfortable. Yes we are all adults and everyone could put their differences aside for the evening but I don't want them to have to. Like I said. They would have a better time if their siblings weren't there. 
  
  Any advice or opinions??
  TIA 

  I think if your parents are paying for everything, and space is not a factor, just let them come. It's potentially 10 people we are talking about in the scheme of things. It's not really that big of an ask. 
  
  Also, just because your cousins don't get on, doesn't mean they're going to fight or be uncomfortable. Just seat them apart from each other. They probably won't even notice each other. 
  
  Or you can return your parent's money and pay for the wedding yourself. That way you can control the guest list. 

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  MesmrEwe member

  

  September 2017

  No one says you need to be on the horn with who is invited telling them someone else they may not communicate with is also going to be invited.  It's not like this is a Hatfield and McCoy situation here.  They show up and find out "oh you were invited" and who knows, maybe they've learned to be civil again!  Their drama is not yours to entertain.  

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