We never got married, but are planning our second wedding

Knottie1465627145 · November 2018

My fiancé and I were supposed to be married on 3/18/17. Unfortunately, I had to cancel the wedding on 3/14, 4 days before due to a unique situation. We are still together and have just started talking about planning another wedding. Our original wedding was going to be a huge ceremony in the church which I grew up in; it was my dream wedding. The second time around, we plan to do a much, much smaller destination wedding. I’m so excited to finally marry my best friend, but I have absolutely NO clue where I want to get married. My fiancé will throw out random destinations, but doesn’t really have an opinion. He wasn't really into the whole wedding planning thing the first time. I'm in desperate need of help because I want my wedding to be unforgettable but nothing like the first one, so I'm at a loss!!

Also, is there any sort of etiquette when it comes to a strange situation like this? Do I wear the same dress? I can’t even imagine what we would say on the save the date!!!

Jen4948 · November 2018

Unless you married someone else before now, this is your first time around and your "original wedding," not your "second." The one that didn't take place doesn't count.

It's okay to wear your dress and do whatever you had previously planned, but there is nothing "strange'' about your situation. Plenty of people have had to call off their original plans and then are faced with decisions about whether to follow through on them later.

MobKaz · November 2018

Knottie1465627145 said:

My fiancé and I were supposed to be married on 3/18/17. Unfortunately, I had to cancel the wedding on 3/14, 4 days before due to a unique situation. We are still together and have just started talking about planning another wedding. Our original wedding was going to be a huge ceremony in the church which I grew up in; it was my dream wedding. The second time around, we plan to do a much, much smaller destination wedding. I’m so excited to finally marry my best friend, but I have absolutely NO clue where I want to get married. My fiancé will throw out random destinations, but doesn’t really have an opinion. He wasn't really into the whole wedding planning thing the first time. I'm in desperate need of help because I want my wedding to be unforgettable but nothing like the first one, so I'm at a loss!!

Also, is there any sort of etiquette when it comes to a strange situation like this? Do I wear the same dress? I can’t even imagine what we would say on the save the date!!!

Would specifically are your concerns? Are you planning on returning the same guest list as you did for your prior planned wedding? How was your cancellation handled? Did you notify all guests? Did you return all gifts?

Unless I’m mistaken, as long as you handled your cancellation appropriately, you are under no obligation to begin where you left off. You move forward with a fresh start.

ShesSoCold · November 2018

I am SO CURIOUS as to what unique situation caused you to cancel your wedding four days prior but still stay with your fiance.

That said, this is a whole new wedding. Do whatever you want. Wear the dress, get a new one. Invite the same people, or invite different ones. Like PPs said, as long as you followed etiquette when cancelling the wedding last year, this is a whole new deal and has nothing to do with anything you've planned before.

If you don't have a specific destination in mind, why do you want a destination wedding? If it's just for the fact that it would be so different than the first wedding you planned, I'd think twice about that. Destination weddings are great but it pushes huge costs onto your guests. I don't think it's fair to ask people to spend their money and vacation time on your chosen vacation unless there's a bigger reason for it. And unless you're staying in the country, marriage licenses can be really difficult to obtain.

(I say all of this as a person who did plan a destination wedding, cancelled it a month before [due to a terminal illness and her inability to travel] and slapped together a quickie wedding at home in like a week and a half.)

ei34 · November 2018

Just to be clear- you’re not married, right? If so, the current plans aren’t “the second time around”. Your STD can be worded like any STD. Wear any dress you like.
You do say you want your wedding to be smaller than the one you’d originally planned- I assume there will be a major guest list cut? Unless guests were left in the lurch (lost travel deposits) without an explanation it shouldn’t be too awkward.

short+sassy · November 2018

I agree with the other PPs. Your all's previously planned wedding did not happen. Plus, it was almost two years ago.

Whatever you all want to plan now IS the wedding. I don't think previous plans for the wedding that didn't happen should have any bearing on your all's current plans. Wear the same dress (if you want). Send out the STDs worded exactly the same way any host(ess) would, ie names/date/time/place info. Create a new guest list.

Your wedding will be unforgettable because it's your wedding . Don't get so stressed over the details that it ruins the planning or, even worse, the day itself.

Keep in mind that, while there are nothing wrong with DWs, they can come with their own unique set of problems. They are a lot more expensive, especially for guests. You might even have VIPs who can't make it. If getting married in another country, triple check requirements for a legal ceremony in that country. For some countries, those requirements can be quite difficult.

We never got married, but are planning our second wedding

Re: We never got married, but are planning our second wedding

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