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I'm not trying to imply that 'signing the papers' isn't important. We considered ourselves married, as did friends/family, and it was a decision we came to slowly after months and years of thought. That day, although quiet, is incredibly special to us and our parents. (It's also what we're considering our anniversary date, because that is indeed when we got married.) I only call it paperwork because, fact of the matter, it is paperwork Sorry you took it in a negative light @photokittyWe definitely didn't do a shower- I was horrified at the idea, and not because we were living across the country. Parents and relatives started requesting a registry, and so we made one, telling people (to the point of overkill) that we expected nothing, just wanted to throw a party, but, well, if you really want to buy us something, thank you, and this is what we could use.
JCbride2015 said:slb40 said:PS folks, I'm not looking for your validation or anything (some of you seem to be confused by that). And I don't think I will change anyone's minds. I simply want to offer some support to brides who are splitting paperwork and celebration, because there's so much negativity towards it (thanks for making that apparent, some of you posters here)Our wedding and marriage was our paperwork, our celebration was our celebration.
PS folks, I'm not looking for your validation or anything (some of you seem to be confused by that). And I don't think I will change anyone's minds. I simply want to offer some support to brides who are splitting paperwork and celebration, because there's so much negativity towards it (thanks for making that apparent, some of you posters here)Our wedding and marriage was our paperwork, our celebration was our celebration.
Greetings fellow knotties!I've found a lot of negative feedback on the boards here concerning brides looking to have a 'real' wedding, or a 'formal' wedding, or a 'public' wedding after a small ceremony, or a JOP quicky down at the local or eloped-to courthouse, for whatever (legitimate or illegitimate) reason.Recently, (after the normal many many months of planning) we had our 'real' wedding celebration, after having signed the papers about 10 months prior. I had a white dress, we exchanged rings, we had cake, and I changed my name, and we had a party. We invited our family and friends, who, again, all knew that we had been legally married and very much looking forward to our wedding day. We made a registry but didn't advertise it, and weren't making a point of asking for gifts/money. We just wanted to celebrate with friends and family. Between speaking with people directly, and hearing lots and lots of secondhand talk, we had no miffed guests, no one who felt deceived, and for the most part, everyone enjoyed the party. (I had two much younger cousins that knew no one aside from each other, and were apparently bored out of their minds, but hey, can't please everyone!)Our personal circumstances were military-related; we did not NEED to get legally married but it was going to make things a LOT easier on us. We signed the papers at his church with our parents and his pastor and told our friends and extended family- it was no secret.I'm more than a little troubled that having a large celebration later is so looked-down upon. No, it might not be for everybody, and there are probably folks out there who will want to have another wedding celebration in order to secure more tangible gifts. Having a delayed celebration is not innately a negative thing, so please be open to why brides (and their grooms) might be choosing such an arrangement. If you vehemently disagree that a small-then-large arrangement is at all acceptable, please don't insult other brides potentially going through a rough time already of dealing with this abnormal situation. It might not have been their first choice. Brides choosing to make this choice, I DON'T think it's ideal, and please make sure you're taking everything into consideration, and look at your options carefully.Thank you to the lovely folks here that helped me plan our wedding celebration. We had a supremely fantastic day with food and family and friends and all that good stuff!Report11
Similar problem here! It's more my mother being really possessive of me (she raised me alone, and she thinks me getting married means I'll never talk to her again somehow).We're not doing candles or sand either, but I'm thinking of having her walk me down the aisle even though I'm not crazy about idea. She also insists that she must have flowers, because, what? I don't love her, and I don't want to honor her, my mother, the most important person in my life?Anyway, the point is my mother is incredibly sensitive (and a little paranoid). If your mother is more laid back, do you think she'll really be bothered that she's not singled out during the ceremony?If the FI doesn't like the mothers' roses idea (we might be doing that), will you each be saying anything besides scripted vows during the ceremony? You could throw in, or ask your officiator to throw in a line about how grateful you are to your wonderful mothers etc. etc. You could even include it in your thank you toast at the reception if you're doing one.