Red Carpet Attire

jmuao62

I am trying to come up with the best way to suggest to my guest to dress up for our wedding without cornering them into a "formal attire" or "black or white tie" label. I was even informed that "dress to impress" can be considered offensive to some guests suggesting they would not do so otherwise.  My thought is that indicating "Red Carpet" attire would make the guests aware that the event will be elegant yet at the same time it is not directly instructing them to wear a coat and tie or evening/cocktail dress.  Your thoughts? 

doeydo

jmuao62 said:

I am trying to come up with the best way to suggest to my guest to dress up for our wedding without cornering them into a "formal attire" or "black or white tie" label. I was even informed that "dress to impress" can be considered offensive to some guests suggesting they would not do so otherwise.  My thought is that indicating "Red Carpet" attire would make the guests aware that the event will be elegant yet at the same time it is not directly instructing them to wear a coat and tie or evening/cocktail dress.  Your thoughts? 

It is considered rude to tell or suggest what your guests should wear to your wedding.  Absolutely nothing about attire should be put on the invite with the possible exceptions of a true black tie wedding or a venue with clothing rules/guidelines (ie. a golf club that requires men wear ties).
Adults know what to wear to weddings based on how formal the invitation is (the style of paper and font, not the wording) as well as the type of venue.  

vsgal

PP is correct.  You don't tell people what to wear to the wedding.  It is tacky and rude.  People generally know how to dress for a wedding.  You can dictate the formality of the event by the fanciness of the invite, time of the wedding and reception, and the venue location.  You cannot put anything concerning a dress code or dress preference on the invite.  

Just remember, elegant to you and elegant to someone else are often two different things.  

jmuao62

Thank you to the both of you for your feedback.  I will exclude mentioning attire. The invitations we selected are from the manufacturer's "formal elegance" collection so hopefully, the invitations will convey formal elegance.  Do you think describing the setting on the invitation would be considered rude as well?  For instance, instead of just saying, "please join us for cocktails,dinner and entertainment in celebration of our marriage".  We thought about saying " please join us for cocktails,dinner and entertainment in an elegant setting(or atmosphere) in the Grand Island Ballroom in celebration of our marriage.  

 Your thoughts are appreciated.

vsgal

 please join us for cocktails,dinner and entertainment in an elegant setting(or atmosphere) in the Grand Island Ballroom in celebration of our marriage

This is not ok. It still comes off as a passive aggressive way to give your personal dress code.  Just say "Reception to follow in the Grand Island Ballroom".  Most people will look up the venue on their own and see the level of elegance. 

One side note, people will generally know what to wear to a wedding.  Don't get caught up in what people wear to your wedding. You will only stress yourself out.  If someone wears jeans or khaki's, or a sundress, your wedding will not be invalidated.  You probably won't even notice.  Remember, your guests are your friends, not props for your wedding day or photos.  No one likes to be micromanaged, especially over what they are wearing.

manateehugger

jmuao62 said:

Thank you to the both of you for your feedback.  I will exclude mentioning attire. The invitations we selected are from the manufacturer's "formal elegance" collection so hopefully, the invitations will convey formal elegance.  Do you think describing the setting on the invitation would be considered rude as well?  For instance, instead of just saying, "please join us for cocktails,dinner and entertainment in celebration of our marriage".  We thought about saying " please join us for cocktails,dinner and entertainment in an elegant setting(or atmosphere) in the Grand Island Ballroom in celebration of our marriage.  

 Your thoughts are appreciated.

This sounds super pretentious and awkward, sorry, and would be inappropriate. Like doeydo said, unless your venue has a restriction or you are having a true black tie wedding, it is not acceptable to tell adult guests how to dress. 

Can I ask, why are you so caught up on people looking glamorous? Do you not trust your crowd to look presentable? Not to mention, their attire reflects only on them, not you or your wedding.

emmyg65

Another way to indicate the formality of your wedding is to use the traditional wording:

The pleasure of your company
is requested at the marriage of 
Bride's Name 
and
Groom's Name
Saturday, the twenty-third of June
two thousand and twelve
at half-past four o'clock
Grand Island Ball Room
City, State

And chose plain white or ivory invitations with black script (embossed is most formal, but also expensive). But really, what guests wear to your wedding is the silliest thing to worry about. It shouldn't have any effect on the day or your enjoyment of it.

Dignity100

I know it's not proper to put these items in the invite - but what about in a personal wedding site?  I know many personal wedding sites offer information such as where the bride & groom are registered at.  I've seen some offer an FAQ section.

manateehugger

Dignity100 said:

I know it's not proper to put these items in the invite - but what about in a personal wedding site?  I know many personal wedding sites offer information such as where the bride & groom are registered at.  I've seen some offer an FAQ section.

This is still rude. IF someone asks you how to dress, feel free to offer suggestions. But you don't get to post a dress code anywhere. Why are you so worried about this?

You cannot tell adults how to dress themselves unless you are having a true black tie wedding or your venue has restrictions. 

MayDay513

If I was got an invite that said "red carpet attire", I'd definitely be expecting an award.

melbenso

On my wedding website, I included a guest question section, including one on attire.  In this section I did not tell my guests what to wear, but instead described the wedding party's attire (essentially groomsmen in vests and ties, maids in cocktail style dresses) so that if guests wanted some sort of idea as to the level of formality of the wedding, they could draw it from that.  I do have some guests who would worry about being over or under dressed, so I wanted them to have a way to figure it out without having to call me to ask if they didn't want to.

It wouldn't work in an invitation.  But I also am including an insert with my invite that has driving directions, hotel information, and a note that "a map and other information" is available on our wedding website.  If people are so concerned about matching the attire, they will find it there.  If not, no worries. 

climbingsingle

huynhette said:

If I was got an invite that said "red carpet attire", I'd definitely be expecting an award.

Seriously! I'd be wearing a ball gown and I better be handed an Oscar. 

princessleia22

Like PP's said, most people will be able to figure out what to wear based on invite and venue. I generally think of most weddings as being formal, unless suggested otherwise. And I would immediately think it was formal as soon as I saw the word "Ballroom" as venue, a most ballrooms are formal venues.

 

[Deleted User]

Hopefully people will dress accordingly. I'm assuming the attire you are asking your guests to wear is something they would have already. If they are familiar with the venue and like other pp said the formality of your invites, they will dress accordingly. If people ask you, you can tell them have fun with it, dress like it's the red carpet. Hopefully you won't be disappointed if all the women don't come in evening/cocktail dress or all the men in tuxes. Depending on the circle of guests you invite, it may not be in everyone's budget to get new clothes to come to celebrate with you. But I don't know your circle of friends/family & getting dressed to the nines may be a regular event for you all, if it is, awesome.

Jbirdd38

red carpet to me sounds like a theme.  I would expect over-the-top hollywood themed junk... doesn't seem elegant to me.  A nice invite and a venue (such as a ballroom) will give them the message!

hyechica81

after your ceremony info you can say dinner and dancing to follow at the grand island ballroom

lovesclimbing

In addition, red carpet means different things to different people, so saying red carpet may not get the results you want.  I would likely think long formal gowns, but there are many red carpet events where people wear cocktail rather than formal attire or random crazy stuff such as at the VMAs or the AMAs or the People's Choice awards.  (Britney and Justin in all denim anyone?)

sissixin

vsgal said:

PP is correct.  You don't tell people what to wear to the wedding.  It is tacky and rude.  People generally know how to dress for a wedding.  You can dictate the formality of the event by the fanciness of the invite, time of the wedding and reception, and the venue location.  You cannot put anything concerning a dress code or dress preference on the invite.  

Just remember, elegant to you and elegant to someone else are often two different things.  

That's exactly why I'm going to be clear about what to wear on my wedding. I know for a fact that what consider to be formal in NYC is different from formal in the midwest. Ppl from the midwest might think a jacket with khaki pants is formal enough, and this could embarrass them. Maybe NYC is different from the rest of the country, but parties in the city always explicitly state the dress code, it's for everyone's good.

vt&dt

sissixin said:

vsgal said:

PP is correct.  You don't tell people what to wear to the wedding.  It is tacky and rude.  People generally know how to dress for a wedding.  You can dictate the formality of the event by the fanciness of the invite, time of the wedding and reception, and the venue location.  You cannot put anything concerning a dress code or dress preference on the invite.  

Just remember, elegant to you and elegant to someone else are often two different things.  

That's exactly why I'm going to be clear about what to wear on my wedding. I know for a fact that what consider to be formal in NYC is different from formal in the midwest. Ppl from the midwest might think a jacket with khaki pants is formal enough, and this could embarrass them. Maybe NYC is different from the rest of the country, but parties in the city always explicitly state the dress code, it's for everyone's good.

@sissixin, I hope you read the rest of the thread about how to show and not tell your guests the formality of your event - it is considered very rude to tell your guests what to wear, in any way, to your wedding, unless it truly is black tie or your venue has a specific requirement (like a country club that requires a jacket or tie).    Also, what your guests wear to your wedding (will your day really be ruined if someone shows up in khaki pants?) shouldn't really be a concern for you at all.

manateehugger

sissixin said:

vsgal said:

PP is correct.  You don't tell people what to wear to the wedding.  It is tacky and rude.  People generally know how to dress for a wedding.  You can dictate the formality of the event by the fanciness of the invite, time of the wedding and reception, and the venue location.  You cannot put anything concerning a dress code or dress preference on the invite.  

Just remember, elegant to you and elegant to someone else are often two different things.  

That's exactly why I'm going to be clear about what to wear on my wedding. I know for a fact that what consider to be formal in NYC is different from formal in the midwest. Ppl from the midwest might think a jacket with khaki pants is formal enough, and this could embarrass them. Maybe NYC is different from the rest of the country, but parties in the city always explicitly state the dress code, it's for everyone's good.

I've been to a few weddings in NYC, and the dress code has not been rudely put on the invitation. I don't know how this poor khaki-loving Midwestern girl managed to dress up and attend without embarrassing herself. 

Please tell me how you know for a fact Midwesterners consider khakis formal. Your attitude is insulting and judgmental. It's incredibly rude and a faux pas to tell guests how to dress themselves. If you do this, the only one who should be embarrassed is you.

chkmeowt

Yes, because obviously mid-westerners know nothing about fashion or formality. And even if someone comes under-dressed, who cares. It is what they are comfortable in. I know my uncle will come to my wedding in a Hawaiian print shirt. Because that is what he has worn to every wedding I can remember, no matter the locale - backyard, church, hall, etc. But it doesn't matter to me.

KatWAG

If I received a wedding invite that said "red carpet attire," first I would gag and roll my eyes. Then, I would show up in a floor length dress and , H in a tux. And if you werent hosting a truly black tie event, you better believe I would be pissed.

And, I am a born and raised Midwestern, and I am completely capable of dressing myself for any event. Thank you very much.