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Etiquette

RSVP'd Guests Cancelling 5 days before the wedding?

I have 2 couples (sisters and their husbands) they are my cousins.  Their father apparently spoke with my father and said he doesn't think they are going to make it.  5 DAYS BEFORE my wedding.  I've called the hotel reception venue and its $400 that can not be refunded. I'm going to ask if it can be applied towards anything else. 

HOWEVER...This is my question:  IS THERE A POLITE WAY TO ASK THE GIRLS AND THEIR HUSBANDS IF THEY WILL IN FACT BE CANCELLING ?

Re: RSVP'd Guests Cancelling 5 days before the wedding?

  • I would strait up ask. "Hey cousin! my dad talked to your dad and said you weren't going to make it. I just wanted to confirm"

    If they can't make it just suck it up. Don't be rude to them. I had people the day of tell me they couldn't come. Then I had others just not show. It sucks and I could have save a bunch of money but it's too late.

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2014
    Contact them directly and ask. "Hey so and so, I heard from your dad that you might not be coming. Is that true?"

    wrigleyvilleJCbride2015holyguacamole79RebeccaFlower
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Contact them directly and ask. "Hey so and so, I heard from your dad that you might not be coming. Is that true?"


    ****SITB ****


    This.

    Unfortunate  last minute cancellations and no shows are just a normal part of throwing a party/event.  Any party or event.   It sucks, but nothing you can do about it.  Things pop up last minute.    I had 4 cancel last minute another 4 no show.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    justcallmesamson
  • This is completely normal.  We had a couple cancel two days before the wedding for example, because they had to fly to get here and their daughter came down with a fever so they didn't want to take her on a plane.  We understood.  We also had one person just straight up not show up...and we haven't heard from him since.  Which is super annoying because i had to hound him to send in an RSVP in the first place, and then it was a lie.  But it happens to everyone.  You just have to get over it.
    justcallmesamson
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I had a guest cancel 10 minutes before the wedding.

    Oh, did I mention - he was our church pastor?  (we had a visiting priest as our officiant, so it wasn't like he was the one conducting the ceremony.  But he was going to do the rings for us)

    Sorry to thread-jack.  I agree with PPs about checking with the family.  And we had another couple just flat-out no show.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    scribe95 said:
    To me it's not even worth it because your head count is in and there likely isn't anything you can do about it. This happens. With my book club, birthday parties etc Just a part of life.
    This. At this point nothing will be changed if you know for a fact or not. If they don't come they don't come. But if they do at least you will have seats available just in case.

  • melbensomelbenso Hoth, apparently member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Last minute cancellations happen.  We had a few people cancel for various reasons (sitter fell through, family emergency, break up meaning significant other wasn't coming) in the days before and up to the morning of the wedding.

    It sucks, especially if its too late to get money back or get it applied to something else.  Trust me, it won't matter so much to you on your wedding day.  We paid a couple hundred dollars for meals that didn't get eaten because of last minute cancellations, and I don't care at all.  We had people we loved there with us and our guests had a good time.  That's all that matters to me.

    Regarding the second hand information of a cancellation, if you aren't comfortable calling the person to see whether they will be able to make it (which is totally ok - "Hi, X.  I heard from uncle Y that you might not be able to come to our wedding.  I was just calling to check and see whether you could make it"), assume they are coming.
    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    There really isn't anything you can do besides accept it graciously.

    I know a couple who had a guest who RSVPd yes indicate on their wedding day that he wasn't coming.  This guest did it by calling my now-ex-BF (we're still friends, things ended because I had to move) and asking him to tell them.
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