Was I rude? What's going on here?

theycallmelinz

Before I begin, NO ONE deserves a shower. Getting married does not equal having a shower. Also, this is probably a petty snark, which is why I'm posting about it here as opposed to IRL. 

TL;DR: I turned down a shower because it was a dumb idea/felt like it was being thrown on me, now my cousin is doing same shower. Not upset about this, just raising eyebrows/curious about reasoning.

I come from a family of A LOT of women. My GMA (dad's mom) had five children, all were married so that means 5 wives, each couple had at least 2 kids, all of them girls. For reals. I have ONE male cousin. So that being said, there is ALWAYS someone getting married and always having a shower. Now that we're old enough to have babies on purpose, there are baby showers. All the aunts throw a shower for each niece that gets married. Again, no one is guaranteed a shower, but since it happened for the 5 cousins before me, I assumed I would probably have a shower. Another cousin of mine got engaged in August, and is planning her wedding for next June. My wedding is in April. Cool beans.

Backstory: I'm adopted by my dad. I came into the family as a toddler, my dad got some shit for marrying into a "ready-made family" and I've always felt a slight twinge of distance between me and his family. Like I just didn't quite fit. Anyway so my cousin, let's call her Jen, gets engaged and I'm like aw that's great! Her FI seems like a nice guy and she's such a great girl. 

I get a phone call from Jen's sister (we'll call her Marg) the same evening that Jen announces her engagement. Marg is all, "HEY! What if we give you a shower in December and we make it Christmas-themed and everyone gives you an ornament and Christmas decorations?!?"  Here was my thought process: Why? I mean I like Christmas as much as the next person but I'm not like cuckoo for Christmas stuff. And the wedding is in April. Why are they wanting to give me a shower in December? Hmmm... I wonder if they're trying to get my shower 'out of the way' so they can focus on Jen's upcoming wedding. 

I respond that I really, really appreciate the offer, but I'm just not that crazy about Christmas stuff, and that FI and I don't even decorate because we live in a tiny house (true story here) and I don't want to seem ungrateful but I just don't know that I need a Christmas-themed bridal shower, and that I also don't want anyone spending money giving me a shower so close to Christmas because most of our family is spending money on Christmas gifts for their families. Marg says, "Well you know we have your wedding coming up and now Jen's and our other cousin Lacey's wedding and I'm pregnant so I'll be having a baby shower and our cousin Courtney is also pregnant so she'll be having a shower too and we're running out of time for all these things to happen."

I respond with, "Yeah I know. We have a ton coming up. It's really not even necessary that I have a shower though, and that would be one less thing to plan for." Marg says no no they will think of something else.

I get an invitation in the mail to Jen's Christmas-themed shower next weekend. It asks that you "Please also bring a Christmas ornament."

Here are my thoughts:

1. Am I a rude bitch for turning down the shower? Should I have just accepted it graciously and then returned all the things I know FI and I won't use?

2. I wonder if Jen really wanted this shower as well. 

3. I'm still confused as to why they wanted to give me a Christmas-themed shower, and now Jen is having it. Is someone that anxious to have a Christmas-themed bridal shower?

What are y'alls thoughts?

esstee33

I'd have declined a Christmas-themed shower as well. I don't think that was especially rude or crazy. It's a weird niche shower that might not be appropriate for everyone. It's also kinda weird that they're SO set on having one for someone. 

That said, maybe it's totally Jen's thing, so I also don't think it's that weird that she accepted it. Who knows -- maybe she just totally fucking loves Christmas ornaments. 

labro

I think you turned it down in the best way possible...and honestly left it open for them to still offer to throw you a shower, just not a Christmas themed one. I also agree with @esstee33 about your cousin. Maybe she's super in to Christmas and would love a bunch of ornaments and decorations instead of a more traditional "things for the home" type of shower.

sarawifenow

So they are having her shower 6 months early? That's odd.

 

I don't think you were rude to decline the shower at all.

esstee33

sarawifenow said:

So they are having her shower 6 months early? That's odd.

 

I don't think you were rude to decline the shower at all.

THEY HAVE TO HAVE A CHRISTMAS SHOWER, SARA. YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE AFTER DECEMBER!!!!

:P

sarawifenow

esstee33 said:

sarawifenow said:

So they are having her shower 6 months early? That's odd.

 

I don't think you were rude to decline the shower at all.

THEY HAVE TO HAVE A CHRISTMAS SHOWER, SARA. YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE AFTER DECEMBER!!!!

:P

Lol GUUURL it is always Christmas in my house!

novella1186

I definitely would've turned it down too. That sounds kind of awful to me, but obviously that's just my personal opinion. I don't think you were rude at all. It's not like you stomped your foot and demanded something different, you just politely declined. 

I don't think you should worry too much about it. 

holyguacamole79

I would have declined it, too.  

blabla89

I wouldn't want a Christmas themed shower either. I've heard that it's a thing in some circles...I just don't get it. And we don't have room to store that stuff for the other 11 months of the year.

Maybe Marg just thought she came up with a really cool idea, and she pitched it to Jen, and Jen didn't feel like she could decline? Idk, but don't worry too much about it.

JaniV123

I agree, I don't think you were rude to decline. You left an open door for other plans if necessary. Also I agree its weird to have either shower, yours or hers, so long in advance. 

theycallmelinz

Whew. I'm glad you guys don't think that was horrible. And I made an effort to be really really appreciative and gracious in my decline. But really, a shower 4-6 months in advance? And I echo your thoughts completely @blabla89. What the heck am I supposed to do with this stuff the other 11 months? I can't even use the stuff after I get married until another 8 months later. Weird. 

Sooooo can I snark on the invitation now? "Please also bring an unwrapped ornament." Also in addition to what? My person? I'm gonna go, and I got her an ornament. Should I bring a gift as well? I'm assuming that's what the 'also' means.

esstee33

I like that they're requesting them to be unwrapped. Like, they realize how awkward it's going to be when she opens the 25th box and goes "Oh, how nice, a Christmas ornament..." 

theycallmelinz

esstee33 said:

I like that they're requesting them to be unwrapped. Like, they realize how awkward it's going to be when she opens the 25th box and goes "Oh, how nice, a Christmas ornament..." 

This made me laugh out loud, and kind of makes me want to wrap mine now haha

novella1186

That poor girl. Some friends of a friend got married in December and ALL their gifts were Christmas junk, even though they didn't register for any, and no one got them the normal stuff off their registry. They were so pissed. They had a small house, and one entire room was just crammed full of Christmas decorations year round. 

It seems like a cute idea at Christmas time, but life exists and continues on for 364 more days after that. 

OliveOilsMom

We had a "Winter Wonderland" themed shower for my BFF.  She was getting married in January, right after Christmas. I think we had her shower in August.  Instead of a wishing well, we requested ornaments for the B&G to start off their tree.  We also had a small fake tree to put all the ornaments on.  One of the BMs purchased ornament totes, so we could pack them up at the end.  All of the ladies there mentioned how it was a nice idea to do the ornament thing.  My friend was also grateful that her ornament collection was started for her.  She also remembers who got her which ornament 5 years later.

All that said, that idea is not for everyone.  I think you were fine to decline and you did it in a gracious way.  Maybe its just my circle of friends, but we tend to have showers earlier than 3 months before the wedding, especially if the couple is already living together.

princessofgenovia

Someone is getting a Christmas themed shower come hell or high water.

I wonder she already bought decorations thinking you'd be all "OMG so much fun yes!" and when you weren't she went to the next name on the list.

theartistformerlyknownas

...I would have liked a Christmas themed shower...

My MIL offered to throw a holiday shower, where everyone bright different shit for different holidays. I did say no thank you to that... there are only so many Easter decorations you need! And where would people find Halloween stuff in April?

wrigleyville

My SIL absolutely LOVES Christmas, and she and my brother got married in January, so we had a Christmas-themed shower for her. A bunch of us (aunts, cousins, sisters-in-law, etc.) brought Christmas cookies and included the recipes.

The ornaments were attached to the gifts, sort of like bows. You just use a piece of tape on the ornament string to hold it onto the box. Some were in the gift bags. Some were attached to cards. A few of the really nice Swarovski crystal and collectible Hallmark ornaments were in their original boxes and wrapped like the other gifts.

She got a bunch that were wedding related, like "Our First Christmas" with their wedding year on it. She was so damn happy that I went from thinking it was cheesy to thinking it was completely awesome.

jenna8984

I do think you are probably expected to bring a gift. I mean that's the whole point of a shower, and they called it a shower not a "bridal lunch". So I really think they are expecting gifts and ornaments. I wouldn't really mind since I'd just go grab a $2 Target ornament. I don't think they were expecting everyone to bring a $50 ornament as their gift. 

lyndausvi

Were you wrong?   NO

What is going on here?   I think pregnancy might be causing Marg to think she has to give a Christmas Themed shower to someone and she was just going down the list until someone said yes.

luckya23

This is so strange to me... I want to pick out my own ornaments and for the most part, I already have!  My parents got me a cute "engagement" one for my tree this year, but I can definitely see where these people might end up with 25 wedding themed ornaments!  That's cute for one or two years I guess, but seems like such a waste.

levioosa

Winter wonderland theme I get.

But Christmas themed?  There's a whole friggen' month of "Christmas themed."  IT'S CALLED THE MONTH OF DECEMBER.  

This idea was just weird.  I'm also very picky and hate mismatched ornaments, so it bothers me on that level too.

I think you declined very graciously.  

raissyrais

Christmas themed shower?

charlieyankee03

I LOVE Christmas, and even I wouldn't want a Christmas-themed shower. People's taste in Christmas decor varies greatly. I don't want to be stuck feeling obligated to hang little Suzie's handmade Rudolf ornament that somehow looks like a sad penis.

I would have declined the shower too. It was a nice(ish) offer, but I don't see why you can't have a normal shower around the holidays (ignoring the fact that it seems super early to be having one now).