Dear Prudence,
My high school requires a senior project to graduate, and I choose to do one on genealogy. In my research I discovered that the woman who I always thought was my grandmother was in fact my stepgrandmother. She married my granddad when my mom was 6 years old and raised my mom as her own. The project required I trace all four of my biological grandparents. When I spoke to my grandfather about this, he requested that I drop that project and do something else. I did, but I love research and kept digging. I was able to find that my biological grandmother is on the list of names of the dead from a mass suicide cult. It turns out I have aunts, uncles, and a great-grandmother. My grandfather begged me to let it go and never tell my mom. He had told her years ago that her mother left because of a drinking and drug problem. I asked my mother if she ever thinks about her real mom and she smiled and said, “My real mom raised me, she loves me, you, and your brother. The women who left a 5-year-old is not a real mom, and I don’t think about her at all.” Should I tell her there is living family while she still has time to meet them? The mystery of these other relatives is killing me.