The expensive 'gift' of travel

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 
My parents have enjoyed international travel in their retirement. Over the last five years, they’ve taken my two siblings on separate vacations to Europe, and my mother said that this year was my year. They chose the destination and informed us that they would like to take my husband, my daughter, and me to a European capital this summer. The catch: We have to pay our way to get there and for our fun once we’re there. My husband and I are both nonprofit employees with graduate school debt. We have all-day day care to pay for. I love travel but a trip to Europe would be difficult to do without significantly reducing our savings. Now the invitation to what was to have been “my” trip has been extended to my two sisters and their families. My sisters are both very well off. My mother has been undeterred by my concerns and tells me just to save more money. If I refuse to go, I’m going to be blamed for breaking up a great family vacation. What should I do?

—Not So Bon Voyage

tawillers

Where's @heffalump?

Also, "taking" someone on vacation /=/ "come with us but pay your own way."  Not that I'm saying anyone is entitled to anything, but this letter was worded very strangely.

VarunaTT

Yes, there's something odd here.  This isn't taking someone on vacation, it's taking a vacation together.

I get why she's peeved about the invitation being extended out too.  

If they don't want to dip into their savings (and they're fully justified not wanting to), they're just going to have to say no.  I'm sure they say no in their heads to a European vacation all the time, like everyone else does.

Heffalump

tawillers said:

Where's @heffalump?

Also, "taking" someone on vacation /=/ "come with us but pay your own way."  Not that I'm saying anyone is entitled to anything, but this letter was worded very strangely.

That was my thought.  It's not like the LW's parents owe her tickets and stuff, but that is the definition of taking someone on a trip.  So...?

Y'all know my thoughts on this overall, but I will add that since we told my mother we weren't going, there have (so far) been zero regrets, and a couple of moments of "Thank goodness we're not part of that."  (My brother wanted to invite his GF and her kid, which fine, but then GF wanted to invite her mom and some other random relative, my mom got all hand-wringy and DH and I were both "Yip yip yip, NOPE!"

tawillers

Heffalump said:

Where's @heffalump?

Also, "taking" someone on vacation /=/ "come with us but pay your own way."  Not that I'm saying anyone is entitled to anything, but this letter was worded very strangely.

That was my thought.  It's not like the LW's parents owe her tickets and stuff, but that is the definition of taking someone on a trip.  So...?

Y'all know my thoughts on this overall, but I will add that since we told my mother we weren't going, there have (so far) been zero regrets, and a couple of moments of "Thank goodness we're not part of that."  (My brother wanted to invite his GF and her kid, which fine, but then GF wanted to invite her mom and some other random relative, my mom got all hand-wringy and DH and I were both "Yip yip yip, NOPE!"

Heffalump

tawillers said:

Heffalump said:

Where's @heffalump?

Also, "taking" someone on vacation /=/ "come with us but pay your own way."  Not that I'm saying anyone is entitled to anything, but this letter was worded very strangely.

That was my thought.  It's not like the LW's parents owe her tickets and stuff, but that is the definition of taking someone on a trip.  So...?

Y'all know my thoughts on this overall, but I will add that since we told my mother we weren't going, there have (so far) been zero regrets, and a couple of moments of "Thank goodness we're not part of that."  (My brother wanted to invite his GF and her kid, which fine, but then GF wanted to invite her mom and some other random relative, my mom got all hand-wringy and DH and I were both "Yip yip yip, NOPE!"

Right?  We are a family of introverts, you don't just bring some randos along.  I was proud of my mom for saying no, because usually she just goes along "to keep the peace" and then bitches about it for months afterward, but she girded her loins, said "I don't think so" and that was that.  But there was a lot of angst and drama leading up to that point, and it was nice to not be directly involved, except for moral support.