I'm at a loss on how to properly respond to a couple of situations where people rsvp'd yes and then didn't show to the wedding and reception, with no heads up ahead of time that they couldn't make it. Do I have a right to be annoyed about that? I understand some situations come up last minute (for example, my female cousin came alone and her husband stayed home with their sick child... clearly I understand and am thrilled she still got to come and don't care about the last minute change that he couldn't make it!) I'm more so talking about the people who had to have known at LEAST a few days in advance (if not before that) that they wouldn't be able to make it and didn't say anything.
The primary situation I'm dealing with is a college friend who rsvp'd yes to the event weeks in advance, and then never showed. Sometime last week during our honeymoon, she sent me a facebook message apologizing for not making it and telling me that flights just got too expensive for her to be able to make it. Don't get me wrong, I"m totally senstive to that (hubby and I lived apart for the 2 years before our wedding, so we understand travel expenses and flight costs!) If she hadn't been able to make it because costs were too high and let us know that ahead of time, I would have understood. There were a lot of out of town guests, and a lot of people who decided the travel costs were too high to be able to come, all of which my husband and I understood.
What I don't know how to respond to is her post wedding message and explanation, because I'm kind of annoyed that she couldn't have figure this out and let me know BEFORE the wedding. There were certainly people in the area (neighbors, college friends) who we couldn't originally include on our guest list who I would have LOVED to have filled that spot. Instead, I paid $70 for a dinner this girl never showed for (and I didn't have to give our final head count until just days before the wedding! Grrrr.) I feel frustrated, but I also feel like I need to respond to the message rather than ignore it, but I just don't know what is appropriate in this sitiation. Do I just tell her we understand and missed her at the event (even though I'm secretly annoyed about her actions?) or do I respond and say that we missed her at the event and are sorry she couldn't join us, but that in the future she should probably try to tell the bride that in advance in case they'd prefer to invite someone else?
Can you ladies tell me what you would do (or did do) in situations like this? I just feel like there are so many aspects of planning a wedding you don't quite understand until you go through this experience, and I feel like this girl probably has no idea. Help me here! haha.
Re: How do you respond to people who rsvp'd yes and then didn't show?
Be the bigger person & just let it go.
My wedding was in April and my MOH was of course very involved in the planning process. Well, she had a friend who invited her to her wedding and my MOH told me "I don't know if I want to go or not, I guess I'll just send it in as a 'yes' so I'll have a spot and then decide that day if I feel like going." I feel like a lot of people do this! I explained to her why that may not be a good idea and she was like, "wow, I never knew you still had to pay for me! I never knew it was that much!" So, like I said, I think some people just don't understand.
We were really fortunate in that we only had 2 true no shows (who rsvp'd yes and didn't come), and one of those was my cousin's wife who was called into work - but my cousin and ther daughter still came - so I was happy for that. The other was co-worker of DH's that I didn't really know anyway...but I'm learning that our practically non-existant no show rate is truly not the norm...
But I totally understand how you feel!
It does seem like a lot of people that haven't been through the wedding planning process just don't realize or think about the fact that their plate is paid for whether they come or not. It probably would make them feel a little bad to say something. But honestly, if it were me, I'd rather the couple tell me so I didn't make the same mistake again at the next few weddings I was invited to.
On that note, I actually didn't realize there was a potential for no shows. I thought just yes or no lol I hope I don't have any no shows our plates are $118- $128!!