Proper timeline to have a hor d'oeuvres reception

Bride04272017

I was planning a 6:30pm ceremony with a 7pm until 9:30pm hor d'oeuvres and champaign punch reception along with cake served. Seating and light music will be available. No dancing as we would love to keep it short and sweet. Does the timeline allow for us to not serve a full meal? The evening works best as the indoor courtyard is lit with beautiful white lights but im worried guest may assume a full meal will be served. Thank you. 

ahoywedding

At 7 pm, I would want dinner. I could maybe get by with a snack before your ceremony and then probably a snack after (I get Snickers-commercial-level-hangry), but usually 7ish is prime dinner time for most people. Also, I'm sure you've though of this, but make sure you have enough seating for butt to have a seat!

sparklepants41

Knottie1471380503 said:

I was planning a 6:30pm ceremony with a 7pm until 9:30pm hor d'oeuvres and champaign punch reception along with cake served. Seating and light music will be available. No dancing as we would love to keep it short and sweet. Does the timeline allow for us to not serve a full meal? The evening works best as the indoor courtyard is lit with beautiful white lights but im worried guest may assume a full meal will be served. Thank you. 

Hi, OP - 
You cannot have this as your timeline if you only want a cake/punch/champagne/hors d'oeuvres reception, as your ceremony and reception fall right at dinner time. 

If this is the kind of reception you would like to host, that is totally fine! However, you would need to move it to a non-meal time. Have your ceremony at 2 or 2:30pm, with your reception from 2:30 or 3 until 4:30 or 5. 

OR, your other option, if you want a cake/punch/champagne/hors d'oeuvres reception, is to have the ceremony at 8pm, and the reception from 8:30 to 11pm.

If I were invited to a wedding that started at 6:30 and went to 9:30, I would definitely assume a full meal was being served. 

Re: your lighting, what time of year is your wedding being held?

geebee908

Knottie1471380503 said:

I was planning a 6:30pm ceremony with a 7pm until 9:30pm hor d'oeuvres and champaign punch reception along with cake served. Seating and light music will be available. No dancing as we would love to keep it short and sweet. Does the timeline allow for us to not serve a full meal? The evening works best as the indoor courtyard is lit with beautiful white lights but im worried guest may assume a full meal will be served. Thank you. 

I'd say it would be better to have an 8pm ceremony and reception from ~8:30pm to 11pm.

Bride04272017

Would those 8pm until 11pm timelines work on a weekday wedding though? I was planning earlier so people would have time to get to bed earlier for work and school the next day. Looking forward to the replies. 

LondonLisa

Knottie1471380503 said:

Would those 8pm until 11pm timelines work on a weekday wedding though? I was planning earlier so people would have time to get to bed earlier for work and school the next day. Looking forward to the replies. 

Not really. Could you look into a Sunday brunch wedding? Or could you upgrade to be enough food to constitute a meal? Maybe serve something more casual so you can have a meal, like pasta or BBQ? 

ahoywedding

Knottie1471380503 said:

Would those 8pm until 11pm timelines work on a weekday wedding though? I was planning earlier so people would have time to get to bed earlier for work and school the next day. Looking forward to the replies. 

I would not attend an event during the week that started at 8 or 8:30. But I am also 100 years old and go to bed early.

sparklepants41

Knottie1471380503 said:

Would those 8pm until 11pm timelines work on a weekday wedding though? I was planning earlier so people would have time to get to bed earlier for work amd school the next day. Looking forward to the replies. 

Ahh. I did not realize your wedding was on a weekday. I think regardless of what time your wedding is, people will still need to take time off from work/school on the day of your wedding so they can get ready/dressed and factor in traffic with travel time. Will you have guests coming from out of town (OOT)? If so, a weekday wedding may result in quite a few invitation declines as people will need to take extra time off from work/school to attend. Just something to think about...

But you are right. 8pm to 11pm would not work. However, 6:30 to 9:30 will not work for people as well, given the weekday date. If your guests have small children, 9:30 on a school night will be past their bedtime. If your guests have children who are older, they may not have time before and/or after your wedding to get their homework done. And if you are not serving a full meal, 6:30 to 9:30 will mean some people will leave work/school early to have a meal beforehand, and some people will be really irritated that they expected a full meal on a weeknight, and now have to scramble to find dinner plans later on a weeknight.

charlotte989875

Knottie1471380503 said:

Would those 8pm until 11pm timelines work on a weekday wedding though? I was planning earlier so people would have time to get to bed earlier for work and school the next day. Looking forward to the replies. 

I think that's going to be pretty late for a weekday wedding, just as a 2pm start would be way too early. With the later start I would be many people would leave quite early (or decline), and with an earlier start I think many people won't be able/won't want to take off work. I would also assume at a 6:30 ceremony you'd be serving a full meal. Really, anything that starts between 5pm and 7:30/8pm I'm assuming you're serving a meal. 

Curious why you don't want to serve a dinner?

kahluakoala

Why don't you keep the style of reception the same and timing the same, but serve enough appetizers to be a meal. This is easily accomplished with thigns like flatbread pizzas, chicken tenders, quesadillas, sliders, "heavy apps" type food. You could get a sandwich tray from Costco or something like that. 

I agree with PPs that 8:30-11 is too late for a weekday wedding. And, as is true with all weekday weddings, you may get declines that you wouldn't otherwise have had with a weekend wedding (for things like kids homework, bedtime, can't get a babysitter etc.). However, I do not think that is a reason to change your plans as long as you are aware and comfortable with that.

SaintPaulGal

There is really no way to make weekday wedding plus no meal work.  Having it end before a meal (2 PM start time) would mean people have to take the day off work, which is already too much to ask but extra outlandish if you aren't even feeding them.  And by the time guests are finished eating (8 PM start time) it's too late for people who have to work the next day, let alone anyone with young kids.

Heffalump

6:30 is a mealtime regardless, but especially on a weekday, there is no way we would have time to stop and eat beforehand.  I agree with the others, change the timing or offer a dinner's worth of food.

southernbelle0915

I think 8-11 would be perfect for a Friday night wedding. It'd give people enough time to go home, change, eat and get there. 

Check with your VIPs if you plan to have a late night, weekday wedding. It's not against etiquette to have one (you can get married whenever you want), but you'll want to ensure it's at least doable if you want people to attend.

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie1471380503 said:

Would those 8pm until 11pm timelines work on a weekday wedding though? I was planning earlier so people would have time to get to bed earlier for work and school the next day. Looking forward to the replies. 

If you're having a weekday wedding, you absolutely need to feed your guests a full meal, because I guarantee they are missing their dinner so that they can make it home from work in time for your ceremony.

Bride04272017

Thank you all for the help, looks like I have a lot of decisions to make. Im so happy to be a part of a community where people give honest helpful answers.  

LondonLisa

Knottie1471380503 said:

Thank you all for the help, looks like I have a lot of decisions to make. Im so happy to be a part of a community where people give honest helpful answers.  

Welcome! A lot of people on here have great money saving tips and good suggestions. Stick around, we are happy to help  

Helenahhandbasket

I have to agree with the majority that 7pm start requires a meal.

But I work until 6, so your ceremony starts at 8, that does not really give me enough time to run home, change, fix makeup/ do hair/ get my kid to a babysitter AND eat something quick so I don't starve at your wedding, so IMO this situation still either calls for a meal or very heavy apps.

I'm not so super worried about an 11pm end time on a weekday though.  If I'm tired or have to get up early I'd just leave your reception a bit early.

ernursej

Bride04272017 said:

Would those 8pm until 11pm timelines work on a weekday wedding though? I was planning earlier so people would have time to get to bed earlier for work and school the next day. Looking forward to the replies. 

I had a weekday wedding and as I expected (and was fine with) the majority of the guests left about 9pm. We did serve dinner as anything between 6-7 is dinner time in my world. I think you either have to serve dinner and the night ends at the earlier time you want or change the date to a weekend where you can have an afternoon reception and serve the apps.

CMGragain

Weekday or weekend, it makes no difference.  If you have your wedding at a mealtime, you must serve your guests a full meal.

MaggieF1990

Definitely meal time as PPs said. Look into Mexican, Italian and BBQ options for less expensive dinner options. I've seen taco bars, Johnny Carino's and BBQ sandwiches at weddings that I've heard from friends are all very affordable.

justsie

What day of the week were you thinking OP? Given your response that people may want to get up for work the next day makes me thing Monday-thursday but would a Friday wedding- like suggested above- be an option?

flantastic

justsie said:

What day of the week were you thinking OP? Given your response that people may want to get up for work the next day makes me thing Monday-thursday but would a Friday wedding- like suggested above- be an option?

I think she said in another thread that they've "always wanted this date," so I don't think she's considering it for cost.

OP, I promise that your anniversary date will be special because it's the date you got married. If it's a date that's special to you for a different reason, well, congrats! You get to celebrate on two days instead of one.

If it's causing issues for your guest list (i.e. you won't get to celebrate much with the people you're closest to), the attachment to a particular date should be one of the first things to go.

SaintPaulGal

flantastic said:

justsie said:

What day of the week were you thinking OP? Given your response that people may want to get up for work the next day makes me thing Monday-thursday but would a Friday wedding- like suggested above- be an option?

I think she said in another thread that they've "always wanted this date," so I don't think she's considering it for cost.

OP, I promise that your anniversary date will be special because it's the date you got married. If it's a date that's special to you for a different reason, well, congrats! You get to celebrate on two days instead of one.

If it's causing issues for your guest list (i.e. you won't get to celebrate much with the people you're closest to), the attachment to a particular date should be one of the first things to go.

Totally agree with every word of this.  And I say that as someone who picked a "cutesy" date, however unpopular it may be on here.  But I only did so because it happens to fall on a Saturday within the season that works best for family and friends, so we figured why not go with that one instead of something random. If it came down to choosing between a "significant" date and the comfort and enjoyment of our guests we would absolutely, 100% have chosen the guests. And make no mistake about it--a weekday wedding is not nearly as comfortable and enjoyable for guests as one on weekend (unless the majority of your guests work odd shifts, in which case know your crowd.)  Whatever date you pick is will be a significant date anyway, since it will be your wedding anniversary.

SP29

We got married on our dating anniversary- however it happened to fall on a Saturday of that year.

OP- I don't think there is a way you can do a wedding on weeknight without serving a full meal. 5-7pm is dinner time. Anything later than that (which includes your ceremony start time), is too late for a weeknight.

It is fully within your choice to pick a wedding date any day you want, but realize a weeknight is not the most convenient for your guests. Many will need to take time off in the afternoon to get ready and arrive on time. Many will leave early to go back to work the next day. There is no time in there for your guests to get dinner, so I think you NEED to provide a full meal. It all comes down to priorities. If this particular date is a priority for you to get married on, then I think you need to step it up a notch to take care of your guests and make sure it is enjoyable for them. Or, have a private ceremony and don't worry about the guests. Otherwise, pick a Friday night where you can start later and do a cocktail reception, or a weekend where you can do lunch or cake and punch.

P.S. Friends of mine got married on a Friday. The ceremony started at 5 or 5:30pm. A fair number of guests made it there just before the bride walked down the aisle and a few came after and stood at the back during the reception. Lovely wedding with no etiquette faux-pas, but I think it would've been wiser to start the ceremony at 6pm as near everyone was coming from work.