Help choosing men's attire!

megtownxx

so this isn't etiquette related, but you all are sharp-eyed and i think could help me out here. FH and I need help choosing attire for all the men in the wedding party. So far, the groom has chosen a navy-patterned, shawl collar tuxedo jacket with black tuxedo pants and bowtie and groomsmen will be in traditional black tuxedos.
Now we can't decide...should groomsmen be in black ties? black bow ties? pocket squares?
My brother is marrying us and not a groomsmen, but we'd also like him to coordinate. So him in a black tuxedo and maybe a different type or color of tie?
And then fathers....should we add like a vest or something? Or just keep everyone in all the same?
We're not really leaning towards anything, just curious to know how other people would do it.

mollybarker11

As far as etiquette goes: Your officiant and fathers are not part of the wedding party so you have no say in what they wear. If they ask, let them know the groomsmen are wearing tuxedos and they will take that into account when making their choices.

As far as attire goes: If the groomsmen are wearing traditional black tuxedos then they will of course be wearing black bow ties and white pocket squares. I would strongly strongly encourage your FI to wear trousers that match his jacket (note a black bow tie is still correct for a blue tuxedo). The groom can be further distinguish from his groomsmen by wearing a different boutonnière.

STARMOON44

If they are wearing tuxes, black bow ties. For all of the men in the bridal party. The other men get to dress themselves and pick out their own attire. If they ask you for help, tell them the groomsmen and groom are wearing tuxes. 

missfrodo

Yeah, this sounds like a non-issue.  I agree with PPs above.  For the record, my BIL and FIL wore the same style shirt as H (traditional Filipino dress shirt), and my dad wore some kind of button-down shirt, since he's not Filipino.  We didn't take any pictures of the two families blended together, so you never even see them side by side, but if we had I'm sure it would have looked just like any other family picture, with everyone dressed nice but different.  Don't overthink the little things!

southernbelle0915

Well first you should ask everyone's budget - privately, of course. "What is your budget for attire?" 

Then you go with the lowest budget. If that budget gets you a tux, great. Then go with a standard black tux for all the GMs. If that budget means it's just easier for the guys to "all wear black suits" (and you get them matching ties or something), then that's what you do.

The important thing here is treating your wedding party with respect and that means asking for their budget before you say "go buy/rent this". 

megtownxx

Thanks everyone for your help! Yeah we're not really worried about anything, just that these family members asked us what they should wear so we figured we'd bounce some ideas around.

[Deleted User]

megtownxx said:

Thanks everyone for your help! Yeah we're not really worried about anything, just that these family members asked us what they should wear so we figured we'd bounce some ideas around.

When my uncle asked me what he should wear, I told him that I don't tell adults how to dress and he should wear whatever makes him comfortable.

southernbelle0915

megtownxx said:

Thanks everyone for your help! Yeah we're not really worried about anything, just that these family members asked us what they should wear so we figured we'd bounce some ideas around.

"We don't have a dress code or guidelines for anyone except wedding party members. I'm sure you'll look great in whatever you choose."

CMGragain

OK, I looked up the navy patterned tuxedo jacket.  While your FI has the right to choose what he wears, please encourage him to wear a standard black tuxedo jacket.  This thing is a fad, like polyester powder blue tuxedos in the 1970s.  He will look so much better properly dressed in a standard tuxedo.  Think James Bond.

PrettyGirlLost

mollybarker11 said:

As far as etiquette goes: Your officiant and fathers are not part of the wedding party so you have no say in what they wear. If they ask, let them know the groomsmen are wearing tuxedos and they will take that into account when making their choices.

As far as attire goes: If the groomsmen are wearing traditional black tuxedos then they will of course be wearing black bow ties and white pocket squares. I would strongly strongly encourage your FI to wear trousers that match his jacket (note a black bow tie is still correct for a blue tuxedo). The groom can be further distinguish from his groomsmen by wearing a different boutonnière.

Really?  I assume you are referring to what is technically sartorially correct, right?  But that's not the only way to wear a tux.

I have been to a lot of weddings where the guys wore traditional neckties with their tuxes; My father, husband, and his GMs didn't wear bow ties, none of them like them.

charlotte989875

CMGragain said:

OK, I looked up the navy patterned tuxedo jacket.  While your FI has the right to choose what he wears, please encourage him to wear a standard black tuxedo jacket.  This thing is a fad, like polyester powder blue tuxedos in the 1970s.  He will look so much better properly dressed in a standard tuxedo.  Think James Bond.

If he likes it now, who cares? It's going on his body, no one else's. 

geebee908

How many women have wedding dresses that don't look dated after a number of years? No rule says that you have to have a suit that won't look dated also.

mollybarker11

PrettyGirlLost said:

mollybarker11 said:

If the groomsmen are wearing traditional black tuxedos then they will of course be wearing black bow ties and white pocket squares. I would strongly strongly encourage your FI to wear trousers that match his jacket (note a black bow tie is still correct for a blue tuxedo). The groom can be further distinguish from his groomsmen by wearing a different boutonnière.

Really?  I assume you are referring to what is technically sartorially correct, right?  But that's not the only way to wear a tux.

I have been to a lot of weddings where the guys wore traditional neckties with their tuxes; My father, husband, and his GMs didn't wear bow ties, none of them like them.

Yes I'm referring to what is traditional since that's how OP described it.

CMGragain

http://www.blacktieguide.com/Supplemental/BlackTie_vs_Tuxedo.htm

megtownxx

CMGragain said:

OK, I looked up the navy patterned tuxedo jacket.  While your FI has the right to choose what he wears, please encourage him to wear a standard black tuxedo jacket.  This thing is a fad, like polyester powder blue tuxedos in the 1970s.  He will look so much better properly dressed in a standard tuxedo.  Think James Bond.

errrmmmmmmmm thanks for assuming you even know what the jacket actually looks like/what he likes/looks like/looks good in. many people may not have chosen his specific jacket for fear of looking too trendy, but he absolutely loves it, and isn't that what matters? when i put my dress on, i absolutely loved it. the goal is to be happy, not timeless. idgaf if he looks back on our pictures and thinks his jacket is dated. you know what's dated? my FFIL's gray tuxedo with tails, top hat and cane. you know what's timeless? their 30+ year happy marriage.

thanks though.

megtownxx

to everyone who posted, thank you for your comments and opinions, which is what i asked for. to those who are concerned, we certainly will not demand a specific dress code to these people and they are certainly free and encouraged to wear what they are comfortable in.

megtownxx

mollybarker11 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mollybarker11 said:

If the groomsmen are wearing traditional black tuxedos then they will of course be wearing black bow ties and white pocket squares. I would strongly strongly encourage your FI to wear trousers that match his jacket (note a black bow tie is still correct for a blue tuxedo). The groom can be further distinguish from his groomsmen by wearing a different boutonnière.

Really?  I assume you are referring to what is technically sartorially correct, right?  But that's not the only way to wear a tux.

I have been to a lot of weddings where the guys wore traditional neckties with their tuxes; My father, husband, and his GMs didn't wear bow ties, none of them like them.

Yes I'm referring to what is traditional since that's how OP described it.

traditional may have been misleading - i only meant to emphasize that while my FH may be wearing a nontraditional jacket, the groomsmen will be in black jackets and pants.

CMGragain

megtownxx said:

CMGragain said:
OK, I looked up the navy patterned tuxedo jacket.  While your FI has the right to choose what he wears, please encourage him to wear a standard black tuxedo jacket.  This thing is a fad, like polyester powder blue tuxedos in the 1970s.  He will look so much better properly dressed in a standard tuxedo.  Think James Bond.

errrmmmmmmmm thanks for assuming you even know what the jacket actually looks like/what he likes/looks like/looks good in. many people may not have chosen his specific jacket for fear of looking too trendy, but he absolutely loves it, and isn't that what matters? when i put my dress on, i absolutely loved it. the goal is to be happy, not timeless. idgaf if he looks back on our pictures and thinks his jacket is dated. you know what's dated? my FFIL's gray tuxedo with tails, top hat and cane. you know what's timeless? their 30+ year happy marriage.

thanks though.

Well, you did post on the Etiquette board.  There are rules about men's formal clothing.  If you choose not to follow them, that is certainly up to you, but most people do like to know what is expected and traditional.  This is why I posted the men's black tie guide.  I was trying to help you, and I think that @mollybarker11 was trying to help you, too.  Attitude?
Tuxedos do not have tails.  Never.  Your FFIL may have been wearing a proper cutaway, which is men's formal wear for a daytime wedding.

megtownxx

CMGragain said:

megtownxx said:

CMGragain said:
OK, I looked up the navy patterned tuxedo jacket.  While your FI has the right to choose what he wears, please encourage him to wear a standard black tuxedo jacket.  This thing is a fad, like polyester powder blue tuxedos in the 1970s.  He will look so much better properly dressed in a standard tuxedo.  Think James Bond.

errrmmmmmmmm thanks for assuming you even know what the jacket actually looks like/what he likes/looks like/looks good in. many people may not have chosen his specific jacket for fear of looking too trendy, but he absolutely loves it, and isn't that what matters? when i put my dress on, i absolutely loved it. the goal is to be happy, not timeless. idgaf if he looks back on our pictures and thinks his jacket is dated. you know what's dated? my FFIL's gray tuxedo with tails, top hat and cane. you know what's timeless? their 30+ year happy marriage.

thanks though.

Well, you did post on the Etiquette board.  There are rules about men's formal clothing.  If you choose not to follow them, that is certainly up to you, but most people do like to know what is expected and traditional.  This is why I posted the men's black tie guide.  I was trying to help you, and I think that @mollybarker11 was trying to help you, too.  Attitude?
Tuxedos do not have tails.  Never.  Your FFIL may have been wearing a proper cutaway, which is men's formal wear for a daytime wedding.

Ultimately I hear you about the fact that there meaning behind  the terminology and what is considered traditional. The information is great, but were clearly not following traditional attire if im talking about ties and different colored jackets. Your information is fine but please don't comment on what you think someone else's SO "will look so much better in". It's just rude.

PrettyGirlLost

CMGragain said:

megtownxx said:

CMGragain said:
OK, I looked up the navy patterned tuxedo jacket.  While your FI has the right to choose what he wears, please encourage him to wear a standard black tuxedo jacket.  This thing is a fad, like polyester powder blue tuxedos in the 1970s.  He will look so much better properly dressed in a standard tuxedo.  Think James Bond.

errrmmmmmmmm thanks for assuming you even know what the jacket actually looks like/what he likes/looks like/looks good in. many people may not have chosen his specific jacket for fear of looking too trendy, but he absolutely loves it, and isn't that what matters? when i put my dress on, i absolutely loved it. the goal is to be happy, not timeless. idgaf if he looks back on our pictures and thinks his jacket is dated. you know what's dated? my FFIL's gray tuxedo with tails, top hat and cane. you know what's timeless? their 30+ year happy marriage.

thanks though.

Well, you did post on the Etiquette board.  There are rules about men's formal clothing.  If you choose not to follow them, that is certainly up to you, but most people do like to know what is expected and traditional.  This is why I posted the men's black tie guide.  I was trying to help you, and I think that @mollybarker11 was trying to help you, too.  Attitude?
Tuxedos do not have tails.  Never.  Your FFIL may have been wearing a proper cutaway, which is men's formal wear for a daytime wedding.

Yes this theknot.com Etiquette forum, not the Sartorialist blog.  

Let's not conflate etiquette here, which are social rules got properly hosting a wedding, with fashion "rules."

By all means we should talk about how to wear a tux, what a morning coat is, etc.  But none of that has anything to do with Etiquette.

OP, since you're not going the strictly traditional tux route- black vests, black bow ties- there are lots of color options available to your groom and GMs as far as vests, ties, and pocket squares.  The main rule for pocket squares is that they should coordinate with the ties but not directly match in pattern.

I had a very formal wedding and reception, but my ceremony was at 3pm.  My father chose to wear a morning coat, and my husband and GMs choses tuxes and no one gave a shit that you aren't supposed to wear any of that in the "daytime."