Etiquette

How do I nicely explain to my coworkers that I'm not inviting anyone from work?

One of my coworkers mentioned the other day that there was a girl who worked there in the past who didn't invite anyone from the workplace because she was only inviting close friends and family. "Our feelings were all so hurt, because we thought we were her friends too," she told me. "At least we know that's not going to happen with YOUR wedding!"

I actually wasn't planning on inviting anyone in my department for the same reason as this other girl. To be honest, I'm a little irritated that everyone is just assuming that they'll be invited, especially when I have said several times that we're trying to keep it small for budget reasons. How do I nicely break it to them without hurting any feelings or making things awkward? 

Answers

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    One of my coworkers mentioned the other day that there was a girl who worked there in the past who didn't invite anyone from the workplace because she was only inviting close friends and family. "Our feelings were all so hurt, because we thought we were her friends too," she told me. "At least we know that's not going to happen with YOUR wedding!"

    I actually wasn't planning on inviting anyone in my department for the same reason as this other girl. To be honest, I'm a little irritated that everyone is just assuming that they'll be invited, especially when I have said several times that we're trying to keep it small for budget reasons. How do I nicely break it to them without hurting any feelings or making things awkward? 
    You don't. There is no polite way to explicitly say someone isn't invited unless asked.

    Stop talking about your wedding at work. When someone brings it up you need a generic phrase like 'we are having a small wedding. Unfortunately we weren't able to invite everyone we wanted.' And change the subject. 

    What did you say to your coworker when she said that? 
    SP29short+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    That is a very presumptive comment by your co-worker. No one is required an invitation to your wedding, so you do not need to feel guilty about not inviting your co-workers.

    But I agree with LondonLisa, there isn't too much you can say. Stop talking about your wedding, and repeat "We're having a small wedding and could not invite everyone we'd like". Rinse, lather, repeat.
  • Your opportunity to say something clear was right when the coworker said that. "So sorry, X, but we also aren't able to invite coworkers. We have a small space and budget."
    mollybarker11AddieCakeInLoveInQueens
  • Do you spend time with any coworkers outside of work? Those individuals may be different since it's a relationship outside of work. I agree with PPs to stop discussing the wedding at your work and just reiterate limited space. They don't need to know your budget. I would just say you have a limited number of seats... just close family and friends. 

    I work remotely from home and my employer is in another state. The employer is huge, but there are 12 coworkers I regularly communicate with, but I didn't think about inviting them because they live all over the country. We get together for meetings in person once a year. Other than that it's just phone, email, and video meetings. Anyway, one coworker said she wants an invite to the bridal shower/engagement party and the wedding. I was thrown off guard. If she got married, I wouldn't anticipate an invite. I'm still not sure if she was serious about flying in to attend or if she just said it to "be nice" and maybe an attempt at expressing excitement for me. If I invite her, I kind of feel I have to invite the whole group. I haven't put them on the guest list yet, so I'm hoping maybe she was just trying to show excitement and didn't actually mean it and won't get upset. Anyway, maybe your coworker is just trying to show excitement for you, albeit in the wrong way, and doesn't actually expect an invite? 
    short+sassy
  • You just don't talk about the wedding at work. Don't swap ideas or give status updates - involving people like that can make them think they will be invited. 

    If anyone asks you outright, you can just say "neither of us were able to invite anyone from work...did you see the new reception desk? so nice!"
    *********************************************************************************

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    AddieCakeInLoveInQueensSP29
  • redoryxredoryx
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
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    Yup, I'm in camp "don't talk about wedding at work." When I first got engaged co-workers were asking a million questions and I just kept bean dipping and saying "Oh, we're thinking something very small" which at the time we were. Now, we are planning something a little bigger but I don't talk about it, my co-workers don't know my wedding date and honestly possibly won't until I need coverage for tasks during wedding/honeymoon.

    (I'm also very extreme on keeping my personal and professional lives separate.)
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    charlotte989875
  • I didn't invite anyone from work, and this is what I said:  "Oh, no, we can't make the guest list that big.  My mom is hosting the wedding and we have to keep the list to just family."
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