Wedding Woes

I've read this three times and I'm still confused.

Dear Prudence,

My best friend of 13 years hasn’t spoken to me in over a year. I’ve thought about reaching out to “Aberforth,” but I’m not sure how. I was out of town for a few years, and during that time he got into a serious relationship with a married woman. He had a breakdown several years in. She had been introduced as his “friend” and is often out of the country with her husband. At one point, he disappeared for months. When I finally got a hold of him and asked to meet up, he brought her along with him, and I felt ambushed. She chastised us for “gossiping” about her. I assured her that I didn’t know about most of the issues she brought up, and that whatever Aberforth had shared with me, I’d kept confidential. She didn’t believe me.

Aberforth told me that once I had returned home, he’d started having feelings for me and had the idea to cheat on her with me. I was shocked. Then he told me I was emotionally draining, which cut me to the core. I thought we had a mutually supportive friendship. I can’t help but blame his girlfriend for this shift in his character, but he still said those hurtful things to me himself. We didn’t really arrive at a solution and haven’t talked since. I miss him, and I’ve forgiven him, but I feel like I was used as a pawn in their relationship. Part of me still feels like I could get him to talk to me honestly and affectionately, as we used to.

What should I do? How do I move forward? I know I need to talk to someone, but I can’t afford my psychiatrist right now, as I’m presently unemployed. I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD from a childhood trauma. I find myself second-guessing almost, everything including my relationships with people.

—Former Friend

Re: I've read this three times and I'm still confused.

  • What?  Is LW in love with Dumbledore's brother?  He is not a substitute for a psychiatrist.  If LW feels used, it may be better to walk away from the friendship rather than looking for "affection" from him.  That would seriously be sending the wrong signal to someone who might be as unstable as LW.  

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is so fucking weird. 
  • Just walk away from this mess. Sure easier said than done, but really this whole thing isn’t healthy for anyone. 
  • I'm really not sure about anything in this letter, but I think the core question is basically what to do about BFF relationship.

    If there's anything I've learned in the past few years, it's that sometimes relationships have an end.  Even the most fierce of loves and shared experiences aren't enough to keep a relationship from having an end, if that's what's going to happen.  So, LW's time is better spent on working on accepting that (it sounds like) this friendship has reached it's end and appreciating what they had for the time they had it.
  • You should not talk to Aberforth, who does not want to hear from you and has told you that. 
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LW needs to move on in the friendship and leave it in the past.  That may be easier said than done based on her disorders, but its not healthy for anyone of them.
  • Sorry, I can't get past the name Aberforth. Is LW trying to write a confusing medieval tragic love story?
  • Stop pursuing a relationship with someone who is engaging in destructive behavior and has stated that he does not want a relationship with you.

    Then begin to use your newfound free time to find a medical provider as your list of current issues is not something that should go untreated.   Look to see if your geographical area may have clinics available so you can continue the treatment you need and also look up job placement contacts that may also assist you in your job search. 
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