Dear Prudence,
My best friend of 13 years hasn’t spoken to me in over a year. I’ve thought about reaching out to “Aberforth,” but I’m not sure how. I was out of town for a few years, and during that time he got into a serious relationship with a married woman. He had a breakdown several years in. She had been introduced as his “friend” and is often out of the country with her husband. At one point, he disappeared for months. When I finally got a hold of him and asked to meet up, he brought her along with him, and I felt ambushed. She chastised us for “gossiping” about her. I assured her that I didn’t know about most of the issues she brought up, and that whatever Aberforth had shared with me, I’d kept confidential. She didn’t believe me.
Aberforth told me that once I had returned home, he’d started having feelings for me and had the idea to cheat on her with me. I was shocked. Then he told me I was emotionally draining, which cut me to the core. I thought we had a mutually supportive friendship. I can’t help but blame his girlfriend for this shift in his character, but he still said those hurtful things to me himself. We didn’t really arrive at a solution and haven’t talked since. I miss him, and I’ve forgiven him, but I feel like I was used as a pawn in their relationship. Part of me still feels like I could get him to talk to me honestly and affectionately, as we used to.
What should I do? How do I move forward? I know I need to talk to someone, but I can’t afford my psychiatrist right now, as I’m presently unemployed. I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD from a childhood trauma. I find myself second-guessing almost, everything including my relationships with people.
—Former Friend