Dear Prudence,
Like most corporate workers, I get two weeks of vacation a year. Pre-pandemic, I usually spent at least seven days visiting my divorced parents, who live in the same state about six hours away from each other on the other side of the country. This means spending about three days with one parent and driving to the other for the remaining three. I don’t enjoy these visits. They feel rushed, I don’t have much in common with my parents or feel much of a connection with them, and no matter how I divide my time during these visits, someone is upset that I didn’t do it “fairly.”
My parents had a nasty divorce when I was a teenager and were both cruel to me in different ways afterward. I’ve been in therapy over this, but it hasn’t really helped my feelings much. More and more, I am stressed out by the prospects of these visits. I resent having to waste my precious vacation time on this, when I’d really rather be having a fantastic introverted staycation and working on some creative projects or traveling somewhere exciting with my partner. When I return from visiting them, I don’t feel refreshed. Then I get caught in a shame spiral for feeling guilty about not wanting to visit my parents. I am an only child and chose to move to the other side of the country, so I am the reason I need to use vacation time to see them. In the past they’ve visited me here where I live, but that hasn’t worked out too well either. What should I do?
—Guilty Daughter