Tell him he's not respecting your boundaries.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My fiancé and I have been together for ten years and are overall very happy. While I would say we’re pretty similar in many ways, I believe our main difference boils down to me being a little more freewheeling and fluid and him being more solid and particular. Like, I don’t mind lateness, whereas he’s a 10-minutes-early-is-on-time kind of guy; he’s an early-riser and I’m a night owl; that sort of thing.

I’m writing because we keep on coming back to an issue: breakfast. Please bear with me, because I know this might seem minor, but it really gets to me, and it obviously gets to him too. My partner believes that eating breakfast will always, ALWAYS make a person healthier. I’m not always hungry in the morning, but prefer a coffee or juice when I wake up, with something more solid mid-morning. Granted, I used to have a habit of getting so wrapped up in work that I would forget to eat, but I’m working on it and I feel strongly that as an adult, my health is my journey to be on, and I get to decide what I do with my body and what I put into it—and when.

My partner shows his love through acts of service and will do things like pack me a lunch so I don’t forget to eat during the day. I really appreciate this. It’s a lovely thing he does. But I don’t appreciate it when he gets on my case about eating breakfast. I know it’s because he cares, but I’ve told him repeatedly “this bothers me. Please stop.” And yet it continues to come up. I’ve tried to tell him that I know my feelings come from growing up watching my mother try different diets and struggle with weight. It might come from gender too and feeling that being a woman we’re often told what to do with our bodies. What should I do?

— Leave Me Alone and Go Eat

CharmedPam

First of all, people skip meals?!? Like, how? Lol

secondly, I don’t know what else this LW CAN do to get her point across if she’s already told him to stop it.  Maybe explain why she doesn’t need to eat in the morning and everybody’s body is different?

STARMOON44

Tell him that his “concern” is controlling and disrespecting your bodily autonomy and that if he cannot stop on his own, you’ll schedule therapy to help him. And if he won’t, leave. 

mrsconn23

I only have coffee first thing in the morning.  I don't eat until at least 9am (I start work at 7:30am). DH and DefConn wake up ready to eat. 

I also don't like oatmeal or cereal and I'm typically too lazy to make eggs or something. I only like pancakes/waffles/French Toast I make myself, so I'm not into toasting a frozen waffle.  My fave thing during the week is if we have left over breakfast meat from the weekend, I'll make a quick breakfast sandwich.  Otherwise, I could be eating leftover dinner or a mini-charcuterie plate as my first meal of the day.  

I say all that to say, this guy would make me batty as a partner.  It could almost be a deal-breaker if he couldn't let it go.  I also wonder what other things he's really 'into' and harps on LW about.  This can't be the only thing. 

levioosa

I almost never eat breakfast. Usually my first meal of the day isn’t until around 1-2. I’m just not hungry until then. I used to force myself to eat breakfast “because it’s healthy,” but it just made me nauseous so I decided to listen to my body and eat when I get hungry. The only times I really eat breakfast is times like this morning, where I’m desperate for a coffee but know I can’t handle it on an empty stomach, or when I’m traveling and know unless I eat a big meal I’ll get motion sick. 

short+sassy

STARMOON44 said:

Tell him that his “concern” is controlling and disrespecting your bodily autonomy and that if he cannot stop on his own, you’ll schedule therapy to help him. And if he won’t, leave. 

This!  Though I don't think I would leave someone over it, if it is truly their only obnoxious, controlling behavior.

My other "outside the box" idea, is to have a pair of noise blocking headphones around.  Like the kind people wear on airplane tarmacs.  Give the FI the heads up that, next time he starts nagging about needing to eat breakfast, the LW will put them on.  And keep them on.  Until he is done.  They can even have a hand signal for when he's done.

Adding in a "physical" sign for when he is being annoying could be the training he needs.

I keep a pair at work.  They don't block all sound, but wow, they block a lot.  I could understand someone's words if they were talking to me and only a few feet away.  But I'd also have to be really paying attention because a person speaking at a normal volume sounds like a whisper.  And only one cube away?  I can't hear them at all.

As for me, I start feeling really sick and lethargic if I don't eat breakfast.  It doesn't necessarily need to be big, but it needs to be something.

And the breakfasts that make me feel the best aren't "breakfasty" foods at all.  Non-fat refried beans or sushi.  I don't know why I don't eat that kind of stuff more often.  High protein, low/no carb meals give me so much energy.

kerbohl

I wonder how this person feels about intermittent fasting.

I wake up fairly hungry, so I have to eat something, but I've known people who can't eat until they've been up for a bit, and bodies work differently.  Sometimes partners have a hard time recognizing that.  Hubby used to think that we should split food fairly, so if he makes potatoes for dinner I get half and he gets half.  I need less food than him, so it can't work that way, but he took a long time to finally get that.