Wedding Woes

I'm a 'former' liar who lied and now IDK what to do.

Dear Prudence,

When I was in high school and college, the main way I dealt with my anxiety was to tell lies. It got really bad, I had to confront myself about it, and thankfully, I cleaned up my act. I’d been very good for a while, but I slipped up in a minor, stupid way.

A couple of months ago, I took a vacation and told all my coworkers I went to a different place that I actually went (something like saying I went to Chicago when I went to New York instead). I have now started dating one of those (now ex) co-workers, and it’s likely that she will at some point be faced with hard evidence that I straight up fabricated a vacation.

I’d like to get out in front of that and tell her—it’s for the best she knows about this (mostly) past problem. But I’m really at a loss with how to approach this conversation. I don’t want her thinking I’m a deceptive, manipulative jerk, but I know it will be hard to convince her that this stupid thing is the only lie I’ve told in years.

— Trying to Be Truthful

Re: I'm a 'former' liar who lied and now IDK what to do.

  • You're not a former liar.  You ARE a liar.  

    Unless the former lies will somehow catch up to you because they can affect your life leave them alone.  But you should figure out why you are doing this and stop it. 
  • Stop doing what you’re doing and deal with the consequences when they eventually come up. Because they will. 
  • It is one of my core principles to never lie to someone on purpose, mostly because I am not good at it. Once I let DH assume a stupid thing and it shortly later came out to be untrue. (we were going through a rough patch so this stupid thing was made into a bigger thing for stupid reasons) I could have tried to bullshit my way through it but I just fessed up and it was all fine. My advice is to just tell the truth even though it is awkward and hard, it gets easier.

    This stupid thing was that I went to visit the Spy Museum in DC. He assumed I went through the exhibit and I did not. I didn't have enough time due to work but did go through the gift shop and buy a t-shirt and him a mug. 🤷

  • I would appreciate a “btw I told everyone I went to ____ but really went to ____ and here’s why”.

    and also LW, I personally would love to know the “why”.

  • "What?  The pizza was good, but it wasn't thin crust at all!  It was more like a slice from a deep casserole dish."  (Oh s**t!)

    One of the classic Judge Judy-ism's is, "If you tell the truth, then you don't have to have a good memory."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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