(clearly I'm bored today and looking at Prudies that I find interesting from the last week)
I’m in love with my boyfriend. We’ve been dating nine months, and it’s been going really well. I’m 26 and it just feels like this is who I want to be with my whole life. We’re still obviously in our first year, so a lot of our relationship is experiencing new things—and new conflicts—for the first time. This one has stumped me. He has a security clearance that requires that he not do drugs. When we first started dating, I thought I would also maybe go for a clearance one day, so I had also been drug-free (years ago, I smoked weed pretty regularly). He said that was important to him. Nine months later, I’m completely rethinking my career, and want to start partaking again casually. I was SO excited because I really enjoy it and was just letting him know I would be happy to keep it a “secret” from him so he can remain ignorant for clearance reasons.
I was shocked when he said that smoking was actually a deal-breaker, and if I chose to, he would break up with me. (He previously smoked as well before quitting to get his clearance.) I guess I knew that this was important to him, and in the beginning we were on the same page, but I’m a changing person, and for him to not even be willing to compromise in any way makes me feel resentful. He’s turning it into a “you’re choosing marijuana over our relationship,” but I feel more like my desires are being ignored because he won’t even talk to me about it. I’m worried this is the beginning of a pattern where he asks something of me that I might change my mind on, and instead of it becoming a conversation, it becomes an ultimatum. He says marijuana is the only thing he feels this strongly about. I finally told him that I wouldn’t smoke, but I am so, so resentful and don’t know how to move past this.
—Can’t Smoke My Own Pot