Wedding Woes

There's no good way to 'discuss' it.

Dear Prudence,

Our 30-year-old son met a 25-year-old Russian woman via Instagram. Their only in-person interactions have been vacations in Serbia, Mexico, Istanbul, and London, for which he has paid. We met her in person at Christmas in London with our other two sons, daughter-in-law, and grandchild. She showed no interest in spending time with us. How best do we discuss our concerns with our son?

— From Russia With Issues

Re: There's no good way to 'discuss' it.

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    Are you wanting your son to put a wall up? 

    Also ask yourself  - is this his first relationship?  Without anything else here it's hard to understand if this 30 yo is a former 'incel' who now has a relationship with a gold digger or if the reality is that he's engaged with a long term relationship that could lead to more.

    I have to ask, did the LW express an interest in the GF?  With the potential for this to be a meeting of different cultures and languages, did the older ones in attendance offer to extend any grace and time to get to know the person who was clearly the new outsider? 
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    What are your concerns LW?
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    What are your concerns LW?
    I think the one concern is that the g/f didn't show any interest in his family.  But the LW didn't give many details on that.

    I'm curious if there was a language barrier, because that could explain some of it.

    But they used "concerns", with an "s".  So it sounds like there are other concerns that weren't outlined.  We can all take educated guesses, but they are still just guesses.

    A concern I would have if my hypothetical child was involved in an LDR, especially with someone in such a faraway foreign country, is how are they feeling with it.  Because it has to be challenging.  And what has the couple talked about for future plans.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    I mean, I'm not really interested in spending time with my inlaws either, but I do it because it's part of marriage.

    But back when H and I were newly dating, long distance, and only saw each other a few times a year, I would have been really unhappy having to spend very much of our time together with other people. Not to mention, the first few interactions with family are super stressful, especially if you aren't really comfortable and established as a couple. 
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    What exactly do you want to say to your son; “hey Chad is your girlfriend using you for money but also are you using her because she’s young, vulnerable, and attractive?”
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    Well, now his name is Chad to me.

    ”Hey, Chad c’mere, we’re watching 90 Day Fiancé together, but not the first few seasons where people actually loved each other.  The last few, where they found people using others overseas”.

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