Dear Prudence,
My ex and I married right out of college and it only took a few years to realize we were very different people and wanted very different things out of life. We had an apartment and plants so the divorce was basically painless. We remained friends and sometimes had sex during dry spells but we always remained on the same page. Here is where it gets weird. My ex remarried and lost his wife when his daughter was less than two. She was such a lovely woman and the world is less bright without her in it. My cousin lost her husband last year and has a four year old daughter. I didn’t “set them up” so much as said I know someone in your position maybe you should talk. And they did. And they are now engaged. I sang all the gospel choir to my cousin because my ex is a great guy, great husband, and great father. Just not my cup of tea. She was my bridesmaid back in the day and I have never been shy about talking with her about my personal life. We grew up together and I know all her ups and downs.
My cousin doesn’t want me at the wedding. She wants to invite me and have me decline to save face with the family. It would just be “too weird.” I retorted by saying she is marrying my ex and I helped set them up sort of and what did he think of this? She told me my wedding gift was to drop the subject and not come. After every awful thing she has been through I could just give her this. So I can’t confide in friends or family because loose lips sink ships and I am on a leaky boat right now. And there are very tiny people involved. Step-families are complicated. I know. So what is my next step? We all live locally so just seeing each other on random holidays is a no go.