Who's the 'crazy' one?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I went snooping in my boyfriend’s WhatsApp archived chats and came across his messages with his ex-girlfriend who he had dumped in 2020. He had always said she was crazy, and after trying to baby-trap him, he had to leave. These messages show he drove to her place in 2021 at Christmas and tried to give her a present and beg her back. I know it’s wrong to snoop, and I’ve never told him I read these messages. But any time he mentions how he would never get back with an ex (particularly that one), I feel really unsettled. I don’t know what to do— should I say something?

—Wrong to Have Snooped

banana468

You don't trust him.  So your choice is to figure out if there are other signs he's not telling the truth and confront him or ignore this and move on.   You could also say that you snooped in his stuff but be prepared that opens the door for him to not trust you and you'll have to tell him you already didn't and that's why you snooped.  Doesn't seem like the ground you build a stable relationship on. 

VarunaTT

It's 3 years later.  If you had asked me...well for a few months at least, if I would go back to K, I would've said yes.  Maybe even close to a year.  Now?  Absolutely not, no way, no how, that's the signal I've been kidnapped, y'all.  People are allowed to grow and change their minds about their past.

LW needs to do their own self-examination about some stuffs though.

levioosa

Maybe his introspection after that even is exactly why he says he’ll never try to get back with an ex? Man, LW, you really went and bothered some trouble, didn’t you. 

MyNameIsNot

Sounds like you deserve each other, really. Or you could be an adult, end a relationship with someone you know you can't trust, and spend some time figuring your own shit out before you try to get in a relationship again.

short+sassy

The LW needs to grow up and become an adult before subjecting other people to this kind of toxicity.  They suck and shouldn't be with anyone until they combat whatever demons make them think it's okay to invade someone's privacy like this.

I'm a little more understanding of snoopers if a person has legitimate reasons to be concerned that their SO is hiding something major from them.

But there is no reason for the LW to have been in his archived chat threads which were before they were together.  Because if they had been together, you know the LW would have mentioned that.  The LW should tell their b/f, so he can decide if he wants to stay with someone like this.  I doubt I would.