Wedding Woes
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It's not a discussion, it's just 'no'. Keep saying it.

Dear Prudence,

I comfortably live in an area with a very high cost of living. My older two nieces came to stay with me after college while they were trying to figure out their places in the world. Their “rent” went into savings so they could start out with a bit of a nest egg. They were expected to clean and to pay for their own food. We didn’t have a problem, and they both went on to have successful adult lives.

Their brother is another story altogether. He basically coasted through high school and then failed to do anything. No job, no interest in education, no interest in anything but video games—he hasn’t even gotten his driver’s license yet. He is 22. My sister has babied him his entire life. My brother-in-law is at the end of his rope and demanding something be done. My sister thinks that sending him my way for a change of scenery will inspire him. She says it is only “fair” that I help my nephew, as I did my nieces.

My sympathy has limits. My nephew refuses to see a doctor so any root cause like depression is not being addressed. My sister has offered to pay me until her son gets settled, but I am not willing to live with a lump lounging in my living room playing video games night and day. How do I have this discussion with my sister?

—Not a Launch Pad

Re: It's not a discussion, it's just 'no'. Keep saying it.

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    "If he lives here then there are rules that he needs to follow just like their sister's did.  Here is what is expected and if he can't adhere to them then this isn't going to work.  My main rule is that he's going to be expected to work and not be on the couch all day.  If he thinks that Fortnight in Connecticut is different than Fortnight in Montana it is - because Fortnight in Connecticut is only played after a solid day of work and chores are done."
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    It’s not “only fair” because the sisters had jobs and a college education/marketable skills. The brother has nothing to show for the last 4 years. It’s not the same situation at all. Say no and stand by it. They need to figure this out themselves. 
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    I'd keep pointing out how his OWN FATHER doesn't want to live with him anymore, so why in the world do they think I would.

    It's an obviously different situation than his sisters.  He will expect the LW to do all the chores and be his chauffeur, on top of that. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    I also say I agree w/ LW and think the sister's head is in the sand here.  The change of scenery helps when you're stuck on a math problem.  


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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 12
    I bet brother mopes around about how “easy” and “lucky” his sisters had it too. Hell no to letting him live there. 

    EF:words


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