Dear Prudence,
I am very worried about my 25-year-old daughter. She has had out-of-control, nearly violent reactions to basic life changes.
Her father and I hadn’t been happy in our marriage for years but stuck it out for our kids. We knew the kids would be upset, but our daughter went into a screaming rage that we weren’t allowed to do this to her. She then disappeared and wouldn’t even get in contact with her brothers for several days. I get a promotion and have to sell the house for a move—she has a temper tantrum and forbid me from doing it (she hadn’t lived at home since she was 19).
Our family dog got attacked by a wild animal and needed to be put down. When I called to tell my daughter, she was utterly vile to me. I had to hang up on her and was left shaking. She has constant fall-outs with friends, and one of my sons refuses to be around her anymore.
The most disturbing thing to me are her reactions to her father starting to date again. She acts more like a jealous lover than a daughter. She has gone through years of some of these women’s social media profiles to find some flaw to justify her dislike. More than once she fought with me because I wasn’t upset enough that her father was seeing someone. My ex-husband was a man of many faults, but he was a devoted father and a kind man. I am happy that he is finally happy. He announced his plans to remarry. I met his fiancée several times, and she seems lovely. My daughter reacted to the news with such a fury that I was physically afraid. She moved in with me last fall after a break up. She was ranting and raving about her father’s “betrayal,” and she wasn’t going to let this “bitch win.”
Later, I confronted my daughter and told her this was not normal, and that she needed to see a professional. She refused and denied she had any problems and no one normal would be happy about getting a stepmother. I don’t know what to do here. I am walking on egg shells. I am very worried my daughter might do something. I don’t know what. Do I reach out to my ex-husband? How do I even start this conversation?
—Egg Shells