Wedding Woes
Options

I'm livid for this LW

Dear Prudence,

I was emotionally abused by my mom growing up. She was a failed novelist but found some notoriety by writing a mommy blog back in the day. My entire life from the time I was a toddler until a teenager out of the house was fodder for her adoring fans, and I was completely exposed and didn’t have any privacy. It was a life of humiliation when I got to middle school because despite the fake name, people knew who my mom was. Try sitting next to the boy you have a crush on and knowing that when you got your first period was published online. I developed an eating disorder when I was in high school, and my mom decided she was going to be a crusader for the cause. She ate up the attention and never gave a thought to what it cost me. No matter how I begged, she needed to share her “truth.”

I went to college on the opposite coast and never have been home. I rarely call and only respond to texts now and again. My mother will not hear about the hurt she caused me, and my father just enables her. Only now, my mother has a cancer diagnosis and is begging me to reconcile, and she is back at blogging about her cancer journey. I know she will not respect any request for her to leave me out of it, but the thought of potentially losing my mother makes me sick. What do I do here?

—Not Another Blog

Re: I'm livid for this LW

  • Start your own blog?

    You don't have to take her back just because she's sick. Obviously therapy, but you can stand your ground.
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well, you could start your blog rebuttal.

    It's up to you to see how you want to manage your life knowing that for your mom, your engagements are public.
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Some of these letters....people need to understand that the best/rightest decision for yourself can absolutely suck and feel horrible and still be the best/rightest decision.  LW knows her mother won't respect her boundaries, so she has to decide can she live with that or not.  If she can't, she'll have to maintain them in the face of the cancer diagnosis.  Or she can amend them and hope to achieve a balance.  It sounds like LW knows the "amending" process isn't going to work.  Validated to stay away, LW, it doesn't make you a bad person.

    This reminds me of a time when I drew a massive boundary on former MIL.  I was furious with her meddling and said no.  She was arguing with me on the phone b/c I just kept saying, "You don't have the right to do this and you will stay out of it".  She finally busts out with, "Well, I'm sorry, okay?  I was waiting on a test that would tell me if I had cancer or not and I was stressed."  I just told her, I'm really sorry that happened to you -- the two have nothing to do with each other, this is a pattern of behavior for you. 

    Cancer doesn't equal forgiveness.
  • How serious is the cancer? Just kidding. But LW should be doing therapy to work out what they want to do. Knowing that the mom likely will never change how can she best figure out how she wants the next years/ months to go. There’s no right answer here, only the one that gives LW the best shot at healing. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards