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Starting to get nervous.....

Re: Starting to get nervous.....

  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_starting-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:166fece6-f24b-49f8-bfbb-ee39768ceaa4Post:5e5ad287-7885-49e6-aaf0-6bb3ff9d9a5a">Starting to get nervous.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so here's my story. On june 6th 2009 I was surprised with a beautiful sparking promise ring with the promise of "If in a year from now you still love me as much as you do now, this will be a different ring (meaning engagement ring) Well, the year is almost up and although he told me it will be before the 6th of next month so that i'm surprised I've seen no sign of him going to have the "talk" with my dad or any peculiar shopping trips or anything!!!!!!

    Now i wouldnt be SO demanding on him doing it  BY THE DEADLINE except..... that I let him move in with me. I was SO against living together before marriage but saw how much money we could be saving for the wedding if he didnt have a rent to pay. So with him assuring me and promising me that we WILL GET MARRIED and WILL BE ENGAGED BY THE TIMELINE i agreed.

    But now i'm worrying that since we have a new apartment with a one year lease he'll feel like he can procrastinate longer. I've been trying not to bring it up so that he wont think i'm nagging but I guess I just need to vent. What happens when the 6th comes and goes??? Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? :(
    Posted by Panda2011[/QUOTE]


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  • sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_starting-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:166fece6-f24b-49f8-bfbb-ee39768ceaa4Post:5e5ad287-7885-49e6-aaf0-6bb3ff9d9a5a">Starting to get nervous.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so here's my story. On june 6th 2009 I was surprised with a beautiful sparking promise ring with the promise of "If in a year from now you still love me as much as you do now, this will be a different ring (meaning engagement ring) Well, the year is almost up and although he told me it will be before the 6th of next month so that i'm surprised I've seen no sign of him going to have the "talk" with my dad or any peculiar shopping trips or anything!!!!!! Now i wouldnt be SO demanding on him doing it  BY THE DEADLINE except..... that I let him move in with me. I was SO against living together before marriage but saw how much money we could be saving for the wedding if he didnt have a rent to pay. So with him assuring me and promising me that we WILL GET MARRIED and WILL BE ENGAGED BY THE TIMELINE i agreed. But now i'm worrying that since we have a new apartment with a one year lease he'll feel like he can procrastinate longer. I've been trying not to bring it up so that he wont think i'm nagging but I guess I just need to vent. What happens when the 6th comes and goes??? <strong>Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?</strong> :(
    Posted by Panda2011[/QUOTE]

    I guess I don't get why you're so worried - there is still a month before the timeline you both agreed upon. If the 6th comes and goes then you have another conversation about it - honestly based on what you posted it doesn't sound like the two of you communicate very well if you're really this worried about it.

    Also the whole buying the cow and getting the milk for free thing? I hate that phrase - if he wants to marry you he will and the two of you living together won't change that.
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh, hai. It's the other Panda.

    If you're this stressed out now, just wait until 3 weeks before the wedding! It's a doozie!

    *makes crazy-person faces, whatever that even is*
    Anniversary
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  • dani7248dani7248
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    well maybe he meant a year - meaning the next calendar year, so some time in 2010.  dont pressure him - he may not remember commiting to an actual date. Or who knows, maybe he will surprise you on 6/6.
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would hope that you had a conversation prior to moving in about what your expectations were. If you did not, you need to do that ASAP. Yes he could be planning a proposal, and if he is then he should be able to say, yes we are on the same timeline. If he isn't then you two really need to get stuff figured out.

    In short, have the conversation now. No drinking, no crying.
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto what hetshup said - hardcore.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Hetshup is a wise one. Have a chat. It doesn't need to be some serious "we need to talk" thing. (Nothing says immediately-start-ignoring-me-because-I'm-about-to-nag-the-h*ll-out-of-you quite like "we need to talk" does.)

    Also agree with Sapphire about his desire to marry you not changing after you live together - unless of course you were on your best behavior while dating and now you're a nut job. Then yeah, he might have changed his mind. Otherwise, he will still want to marry you.

    About procrastinating... I understand this concern because my bf just about teaches classes on it. (He's going to start them tomorrow. Soon. Later.) And I just moved in. But my relationship is great. No kids on the horizon (still negotiating). So I'm not particularly worried about whether I'm wearing a ring or what my last name is.

    Is your relationship good? Do you have FUN? Do you trust him to be around? If so, don't worry about a random deadline just yet. If you're still living together in several months with no engagement on the horizon, then maybe worry. But still have a chat with him just see get his thoughts.
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  • notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe he's working on the Confucian calendar.  I think it's like ten years long...this could be touble.
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  • ekathleen684ekathleen684
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I understand your worry and would be a bit alarmed but you still have a month until your "deadline". What are you going to do if your deadline comes and goes? Either way, I would talk to him an express your concern. Hetshup and Paint said it perfectly. Don't confront him.
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    CrappyPanda, why are you even posting here?  I cannot wait for you to rip us a new one. 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_jealous-much?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:623bebed-851b-452b-97bc-1166dce9b125Post:1206d1ab-8a0e-4043-ad16-c48d7c999b81">Re: Jealous Much?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<u>Good job handling those comments gracefully, I would have ripped them a new one if I had just wanted to vent a little and got those responses!</u> I understand the feeling but have found that the less you talk about it the sooner it will come, in the meantime you could be pre planning by starting a wedding fund or compiling ideas that you like, so when the time comes, your ready! Keep your head up and stay strong chica!
    Posted by Panda2011[/QUOTE]


    Maybe he hasn't proposed because you are BSC, considering this was posted on the May 2011 board.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2011-weddings_am-just-being-silly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:645Discussion:0a02ba0b-1b21-4626-90f5-7316ffeb7965Post:5ded0fdf-7415-42be-96ee-d74a6588b43a">Am I Just Being Silly?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello! I'm new on here, not engaged yet but I have been told that it is sometime before june 6th (a year from when I got my promise ring) SO.... <u>i'n order to pass my time I've been spnding all my time on here</u>, anywho.... It is no secret to either of our families that an engagement is coming soon so wedding talk has come about. In talking with my FSMIL she asked how many bridesmaids I have and I blurted out 8, now immediately before my explination she said WOW THAT IS SOOOO NARCICISTIC! My heart sank. Now, her and I get along very well she and I even hang out all the time but this hurt so bad, If it wasnt for my FI's three sisters I would only have 5 bridesmaids and his twin 10yo sisters are only junior bridesmaids. I guess i'm just needing to vent. Am I narcicistic???? Please be honest. I'm still really hurt over the whole thing but maybe I just need to take another look at the situation. Thanks for any comment and I look forward to chatting with all of you!!!
    Posted by Panda2011[/QUOTE]


    Already picking out your wedding colors...

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_tiffany-blue-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:48d2ac43-aa21-47b3-9990-66cf9ae94aa3Post:b1e24f5f-5b96-4733-9ddc-e2dbf8dc589b">Re: Tiffany Blue Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would say its the color we like not that it is tiffany's specifically representing diamonds because the only thing thats blue is the box, so as for pretentous representing the color of a box definetly does not come close.<u> <strong>I </strong>will be looking for an aqua color myself pretty close to TB but will also be using fuschia and a lime green as accents. </u>Congratulations on your wedding. Its nice to remember that everyone has different likes and dislikes and as long as your wedding day is everything you ever wanted that should be all that matters!!
    Posted by Panda2011[/QUOTE]


    This is just the epitome of normal. 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ring-coming-soon-but-dont-want-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:d17babde-d86b-41dc-a898-5cf288490b53Post:d2ef4441-ca54-4165-b399-fdd3292c4e5d">Re: I know the ring is coming soon but I don't want to wait!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Same boat as well. <strong>I hide all the magazines so he wont see them when hes home but when he's gone i'm flipping through looking for ideas and just getting a feel of things I would like for my wedding and reading and posting on here whenever you are feeling ancy really helps!!! </strong>good luck hun!
    Posted by Panda2011[/QUOTE]
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    oh snap!
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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi. I think you really need to start talking to your bf and being honest with him. Did you tell him that he could move in only because you would be getting married in the near future? When you talk about marriage do you talk about what you both want out of it or do you just say, "when are you going to propose?" You need to talk to him. Find out what he's thinking. Say, I'm really ready to get married, how do you feel? I would like to be married by 20XX and have kids X years later. How do you feel? If your timelines match up, great! If not, talk about your reasons for these dates. Compromise or move on.

    GL
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    age?
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  • catemegcatemeg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mutley, you're our Secret Agent!  What excellent detective work!

    Look, sweetie, it's a promise ring, not a deadline.  It means he loves you, and sees himself marrying you someday.  No matter how he phrased it at the time, give the guy a break and put the calendar 'deadline' away.  And hop off the marriage bandwagon and start doing other stuff - something I remind myself to do as I'm not yet engaged.  If you aren't telling your boyfriend everything about your wedding planning (does he know you want 8 bridesmaids?  And please say that you have not already asked them, because if so you really might be BSC or 15 years old, or both).

    And to say that rusty old saying about cows and milk, you're insulting a lot of us on here.  Let me tell you, my boyfriend and I have never loved each other more or been more sure that we want to get married and raise a family, and that is as a result of living together.  So don't believe that phrase nor throw it around these boards, as many of us live/lived with our significant others before marriage, and don't believe we're old cows with dried up milk by any means!

    Don't hide things from your boyfriend about wedding planning - that's a little creepy, and definitely hints of BSC behavior.  It should be a process made together - the promise ring was a good start, but it is NOT a deadline. 

    Here's a quick comparison for you - you and I have some simiarities, and some major differences.  We both live with our boyfriends, we both have talked about marriage, and neither of us is engaged.  Now this is the major difference: I'm not secretly planning a wedding and waiting until my boyfriend presents a ring.  We've decided together when we want to get married in a timeline that works for both of us (summer 2012, due to school and military commitments - we could do summer 2011, but we are enjoying this stage of our lives and don't want to rush it).  We've shopped for engagement rings. Now I know he knows what kind of ring I want, and we know when we want to get married.  He knows that we need at least 12 months to get the venue we want.  So I know approximately when the engagement will happen, but for all intents and purposes we are already engaged.  You know why?  Because we talk about plans, venues, budgets, menus, bridal parties, etc.  We have not made any formal plans yet by any means, but we talk openly about it.

    You hide your magazines under the bed, figure out your bridal party, and pick out wedding colors while your boyfriend likely knows none of it.  He may not even know that you expect a ring by June 6th specifically.  You're already having fights with your FSMIL about wedding stuff, and trust me, there's going to be plenty of time to do that.  Enjoy this stage of your relationship because you can't do a re-do on your time just dating.
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Good points from catemeg - don't plan your wedding ("your" means 2 people by the way - you and your fi - once he's your fi - it's not just your day) without your bf's knowledge. Because here's a little secret for you:

    MEN DON'T KNOW WHAT TIFFANY BLUE IS!! And no man would come up with a color scheme of fuschia, tiffany blue or aqua, and lime green. Most don't know what fuschia is, for that matter. So far, you're not exactly battin' 1000... Any items on your future menu that he hates or is allergic to? Because that would be perfect.
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Not to totally threadjack... but

    Tiffany's blue, lime green and fushia? ::shudders::


    I'm getting married in 5 months and I still don't have colors.
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Hetshup - have you seen this? Hours of color-spinning fun!   :)

    http://www.brides.com/planning/receptions/colorstudio
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    There goes the rest of my day.
    Paint I kind of hate you for posting that.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • TuffysMommieTuffysMommie
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I definitely don't think this is something for you to be "nervous" about. If you two are committed to each other and living together, sure, it would be nice to have an "official" proposal, but so what if it doesn't happy within a timeline?

    Have a chat with him, check to see that you are both on the same page for the future, and continue to wait. If it doesn't happen by 6/6, what is your plan of action? Doing something drastic is probably not recommended.

    And in the meantime, don't  put so much thought into an unplanned wedding. Enjoy your time with your SO and don't worry so much about labels.
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Paint- i hate you in the most loving way ever. It's like monkey bread. Seriously, I'm so excited.
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  • notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You could always fake a pregnancy!
    TTC since 07/11 Me: 32 AO PCOS/DH: 32 Lowish count/motility IUI#1-3 = BFN (Clomid, Clomid-->Femara, Injects) IVF#1 ER on 9/24 19 ER/19 M/9 F w/ICSI Transferred a 5AA and a 5BB on 9/29 Beta 10/9 = 139 Beta 10/11 = 287
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Hetshup and Button - Thank you, thank you. I aim to please. And it's 4 o'clock on a Friday. I should be half drunk by now. And so should you, so enjoy the wheel! :) It starts to repeat after awhile, so you won't be stuck long. (I know this because bf was gone this week and I was B-O-R-E-D.)
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  • NarwhalNarwhal
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OP is the crazy Panda.
    Anniversary
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    NQB <3
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • AmandalovesAlAmandalovesAl member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have two words for you..."CHILL OUT!!"
    imageimageVacation Till our honeymoon!!!
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  • PandaBurrPandaBurr member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    From one Panda to another, I think you need to chill. I think the best thing you can do is ask yourself: What will change when we get engaged/married? What I mean to say is that you're in a (hopefully) loving and committed relationship now, and you will be when you get engaged, continued on into marriage. Is it really going to be all that different just because you have a ring? If you're having insecurities about your relationship, a ring isn't going to magically produce permanence. Figure out why you really are so anxious about the engagement and wedding, and talk about it with your boyfriend.
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  • catemegcatemeg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Why am I not at all suprised the OP went and did a DD and never responded?

    And none (well, very little) of this was snarky!  It was kind, honest advice.

    *sigh* Sometimes the children will never learn...
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  • tatiliantatilian
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hey there.

    I am not engaged myself, and trust me, there are days where I want to be so badly.  What I am starting to realize though, is that it is more important on how he treats you everyday.  If he is rude to you, doesn't appreicate you, then I would definetly see your worries.  However, if he loves and appreciates you, then just relax until the 6th comes, and if he still hasn't, I would sit down and revisit it in a non pressuring way.  Right now, you can just keep talking about how you are excited for your future together, and see if those subtle hints will help.  My boyfriend gave me a timeline too, but it's really about just trusting that they love you, and will do it when the time is right.  Marriage is such a big decision, and you want to make sure it's the right time for both of you.  I would just give him a little more time. I ahve a feeling it will all work out! :)

    Jessica
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