Don't want a 10 minute ceremony

jessa92010

So my fiance is Catholic, I am just Christian (most of you would probably call me fundamentalist).  We are having a non-demoninational Christian wedding that will probably seem like a normal Protestant wedding to most people.  The problem is, those ceremony are SO SHORT and we feel like 1) it's not an appropriate worship service and 2) it'll go so fast that we'll barely having a ceremony.  We have two readings, but no special music, because it feels strange to us.

Unity candles aren't allowed at this chapel and I'm not a fan anyway.

Communion is out of the question because although he takes communion at my church, his mother is very much not ok with him doing it at a non-Catholic Church. 

Are we stuck with a boring ceremony?  What else can be incorporated into a wedding ceremony, seeing as we view it as a worship serivce?

Midgie373

Will the officiant deliver any type of sermon?  Can you add a couple hymns? 

ETA:

Just caught the part about music not feeling right. Never mind adding hymns then.

jessa92010

Aren't hymns strange for a wedding?  Some of our guests are not Christians and while we aren't going to let that stop us from having a religious ceremony, we don't want to force people to participate if it'll upset them.

limegreenlauren

i agree, a sermon is a good way to add like 15 mins or so (you don't want too long of a sermon) Also, we are having a family prayer with our immediate family members coming to us and laying hands on us for a prayer.

Midgie373

I've been to weddings that did include hymns and weddings that didn't.  I think it was just the preference of the bride and groom.  Most people who don't want to participate will just mouth along or mentally balance their check book or something. 

That being said, I've been to a wedding or two that the ceremony just took FOREVER!  There were six or seven readings, songs, a sermon, candles, a slideshow and there may have been a juggler or two... I kinda zoned out.  I understand you want it to be a worship service, but it doesn't have to go on forever.

Have you talked to the officiant yet on what he/she typically incorporates into the type of service you're having?  They may be able to offer some other solutions.

trix1223

The ceremony is one of those cases where I think it SHOULD reflect the bride and groom's beliefs and desires.

Honestly, if your guests attend a wedding in a church, they can't get in a twist if there are Christian elements in the wedding.  OF COURSE, they're going to hear God, Jesus, prayers, etc.  If they're that uncomfortable being in a church, they probably should just skip the ceremony and attend the reception.

I'm Presbyterian.  When I attend a Catholic wedding, I don't take communion.  I'm not uncomfortable about it and I don't get p!ssed at the bride and groom for having communion.

That was all a long way of saying if you want a hymn or two, have a hymn.  I'm a church organist, and have played a number of weddings with a congregational hymn.  Many people join in the singing of the hymn.  Some don't.  Fine.

When we have a Baptism at our church and guests of the baby being baptized come to the worship service, some do the readings, hymns, prayers, etc.  Some don't.  But we don't change our service because they might not want to sing a hymn.

You're not going to FORCE anyone to sing the hymns are you?  You're not going to march up to them, shake a finger in their face, and say "Sing, by God!  Sing!".  You're guests are, presumably adults, who realize that different denominations do different things in their services.

Have a ceremony that reflects you and your FI.  People will be just fine with it.

dizzinea

certainly the catholic weddings your fiance has attended have had music. all the ones I've been too had choirs, this could be a way of adding some of the feel of his religion back in for him,

girl2bewed

You can add some traditional (non religious) readings, the sand ceremony is a cute one. There is a rose ceremony i've herad of but not sure exactly what is encorporated. You can have your priest say some words about the two of you.

Have your FI contact the priest with some special words/background about you and you do the same. The priest can read them aloud at the ceremony (my officiant suggested this although we aren't going to do it)

ashleybombshell

You could always looks for a religious or secular poem or excerpt about love/marriage. Song of Solomon is sure to have plenty of great material for this, as it's really just an entire book about two people being in love. Or, as PP said, get the officiant to say a few words about the two of you or do a short sermon/speech about love and marriage. 

fpaemp2011

We're having a Conservative/Evangelical Christian ceremony that will probably last ~45 minutes, depending on how long the Gospel Message is. 
The layout of our ceremony is here: http://fpaemp2011.weebly.com/program.html
The ceremony wording is here: http://fpaemp2011.weebly.com/ceremony-wording.html
and our reading (These Hands) is here: http://fpaemp2011.weebly.com/readings.html

Also, if you have any other questions, need ideas, etc, you can hop on over to the Christian Weddings board: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings

We'd love for you to join us!!

irshis20

I am Presbyterian, getting married in the family's church, and i'm told our ceremony will probably last 30-40 minutes. We are not doing a unity candle or having anyone sing, but we are having a couple of readings, and the officiant is giving a "lesson" for us and incorporating things she's learned about us in our pre-wedding meetings. Surely the pastor of the church is meeting with you before the wedding, right? Most Christian ceremonies in a church have some kind of sermon or lesson about marriage and the couple.

Don't worry about the communion thing...Presbyterian churches don't even allow communion during a wedding because communion is supposed to be for the "community" - so a couple would never do it alone.

gottahavashorti

I prefer 20-30 minute ceremonies. 

We had one reading by the minister, a short message that was about 5 minutes and no extras like sand ceremonies or unity candles.  With the affirmation, vows and exchanging of rings, it was still about 20 minutes.  As our minister said, he wanted it to be just long enough for people to feel like they were at a wedding and got the full ceremony out of it, but without having a long ceremony.

anne.azano

I'm not wild about sand and candle ceremonies myself, so to beef ours up a bit, we're doing an "honoring of the parents".  Basically, our officiant will say something wonderful about our parents and we'll present our mothers with a flower each, and our one grandmother who can make it.  We're also including the prayer of the faithful, but we've written it so it's personal to us, a love poem, and a short excerpt about love from one of our favorite books.  

brit_bell90

We're incorporating song lyrics as kind of a reading that the officiant will do. He also has a part that talks about how he noticed how we interact as a couple (I think he described us as playful and loving, which I thought was cute), I thought added a great touch. 

Snowedin414

I'm going to go out on a limb and say don't fluff up your wedding ceremony. There is no minimum time you need to hit to be "normal." Don't worry about it being short if that is what includes everything you and your fiance want. Flick through some readings but don't include it because you feel you need filler.
My FI and I only want to include things that mean something to the both of us, are appropriate to share and would be interesting to everyone there. Our ceremony is reading at about 15 minutes.    

Stormes

I definitely agree with those who said not to add filler for filler's sake.  While including something special to make it more than 10 minutes is good if you find something you like, most people do not want to sit through 45 minutes of ceremony. 

As someone who is spiritual but not particularly religious, I think most people won't be put off by hymns and less so than by a sermon.  I don't think most people would really mind either when it comes right down to it, and the ceremony is supposed to be about your beliefs, not thiers.  So don't worry about it too much.

I say if you like hyms go with them.  Or have the minister speak briefly about something you feel drwan to.  But if you already have 2 readings + the standard ceremony, I wouldn't add too much more.