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I don't want a wedding.......

We are in love and happy. We just want to be married - living together already, talking babies etc. We don't want a wedding.....nothing about the wedding thing appeals to us. Our parents are giving us money to do what we want with...we just don't see the point to spending it on one day. We would rather put money down on a new house with it. Even talking about planning a small dinner with our close family is not appealing. just had to vent....

Re: I don't want a wedding.......

  • I can understand that. If you don't have spiritual reasons for wanting a ceremony, then I think a house would be a much better investment than a pretty princess day. Even if you do want a ceremony, you can have one on ehte cheap and then have a family dinner and be done with it. I'd say go to the courthouse, have a fancy dinner for the two of you, and go on with your lives.
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  • Thanks for your response!! I know many people will say we are selfish so I appreciate your support and ideas:)
  • Agree w/ Sarah. Don't do the big ceremony, reception, etc if you really don't want to. You can have a meaningful wedding with just the two of you, at very little cost. A house sounds like a much better idea.
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  • We are doing DW instead of a "wedding." I still want it to be special, but more courthouse then a pretty princess day. So we are JOP in another country. I know several people that only did a wedding for family & hated their wedding experience, so if your family is ok then just go down to the courthouse.

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  • I honestly think having a big wedding and spending a ton of money because that's what's expected would be way more selfish than not doing it. JOP it, girl! Do what you want to do!
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  • A dear family friend was married in August at the court house.  They had a potluck picnic reception which was full of love, support and joy.  I thought it was a wonderful way to start their married life.  Do what works for you.   People who love you will be happy for you.  Best wishes!
  • Hi there!  I usually just lurk on this board, but what you're describing is EXACTLY what DH and I did.  We went on a "weddingmoon" and got married in Key West.  It was just us, no guests, no attendants.   It cost 250, including the officiant and over 100 pictures.  That doesn't include the cost of the hotel, etc.  But it was incredibly meaningful and romantic.A few weeks ago, my daughter ran off to the courthouse to get married.  We held an at home reception for her a couple of weeks later (they wanted a party) but you don't have to do that part, DH and I didn't have a party when we returned.  The thing is, the wedding INDUSTRY makes us feel like we're weird if we don't have a huge ceremony, and a huge reception with an open bar, candy buffet, and signature cocktail.  Don't let the industry dictate what you should have. Do what you want--and best wishes to you!
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  • I know what you mean.  I didn't want the big wedding, reception, or anything that goes along with it.  FI proposed one night while we were at his house, so it seemed fitting to us to get married in the same place.  We're have our parents, grandparents, and preacher over and doing the ceremony there:)  We're immediately leaving for our HM.  Neither of our parents agreed with our choice, but it's our choice to live with--not their's.  Do what YOU want to do....
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  • If I were you, I would get my parents and siblings, go over to the courthouse, get married, and then take them all to dinner. Then put the rest toward a house. I know the small dinner doesn't appeal to you, but I think your parents would be sad if they didn't get to see you get married, and you could do this for very little money. If you have the house in time, you could just invite them over for dinner at your house.
  • When our initial plans fell through, we were sorely tempted to elope.  The only thing stopping us was the fact that we'd already asked our wedding party, so we just had to scale back our plans.I would at least invite your parents along with you, but there's nothing wrong with a courthouse wedding.  And dinner with close family can be just dinner: no flowers, no favors, no centerpieces, no garters, not even cake if you don't want it.  Just a nice meal.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I have to disagree with PP above, who stated that your parents would be disappointed to not be there.  I wasn't at my daughter's wedding, and I am absolutely fine with it.  I wanted her to have what SHE wanted, and that's what she wanted.  I did the same thing with my second wedding, and my sisters (my parents are deceased) and his mom were perfectly fine with it. Again, it's you and FI's wedding, so you should do what you two want--everyone else's wishes are waaaaaay down on the list.
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  • Then don't have one, don't listen to other people. Who cares if someone gets their panties in a bunch because you don't want to do all that wedding stuff. Go somewhere by yourselves and just do it in front of a JOP. Call it good. Do what you both want.
  • Totally understand your point of view. In my situation, I really couldn't get married without my mom there, and FI wanted to at least tell his parents where/when we were getting married in case they wanted to attend. We ended up inviting only 7 people each: FI invited MOG, FOG, his bro/wife/3kids. So I invited MOB, two friends of MOB who are like sisters to her and aunts to me - and one of those friends has a husband who came too, and then I invited two friends of mine who are like sisters to me, and then I invited the woman who introduced FI and me. We got married at the front of the room at a country club at 11:30, with everyone already sitting at the lunch tables. Then a champagne toast, then a nice lunch - cost only $16/per person including tax and tip. A friend of mine asked her husband, a judge, to marry us as her gift to us. I bought my dress off the rack from Dillards, FI wore a gray suit he already had, MOB/MOG/FOG wore clothes they already had. We had no WP, and our mothers signed the wedding certificate as the wedding witnesses. Maybe something like that would appeal to you...
  • Is there anyway to get out of having one, then?
  • We were the same way.  DH's family had a fit about the small ceremony idea.  We ended up spending tons of money on a wedding that was pretty much all for them and we wish we hadn't.  Everything went wrong and most of them didn't even appreciate all we did for them.  I say go with what you want.  People get over it pretty fast.
  • The way to get out of having the big, industry-dictated reception and ceremony is to just say NO.  Plan it your way, and just do what you and your fi want.  When your friends and relatives ask why you're not having the big reception, you just say "we would rather spend the money on blank" or "we've decided not to cave to the pressure that the wedding industry puts on couples."   No one asked me, I have to say, why we weren't having a big to-do.  Except for one person, everyone totally supported what we did, and were just as excited for me as if I was having a big throw-down.  And that one person came around when I kindly explained to her why I wanted MY wedding a certain way.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • You're not selfish at all! If you guys dont' want a wedding, no one says you have to have one. If you don't want one, then that's OK! Have your JOP ceremony or however you want to do it...and if your families are upset (when I say family I mean your parents and his) maybe let them be witnesses. Do what you want!
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  • sunlover we have the same date!!! lol sorry i get overly excited.  good day...
  • it's your union of love--- there is nothing selfish about your choice. Your parents/family already had their day.
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