Something I don't understand...

LizziebeeUT

I had never heard before getting engaged that parents should be allowed to invite people to their childrens' weddings.

I'm not trying to be snotty, or defensive, its truly something I don't understand. My dad is giving us some money for the wedding, but he has never mentioned wanting to invite people. My mom has never said anything about it. But I've sen it on wedding sites quite a bit, and the other day my FMIL said something about wanting to invite twenty people. I really don't understand this. Last I checked its our wedding, not our parents'

VeggieLove1022

I wanted our parents to have a great night so I invited their friends as well. Not sure if asking parents for a list of people is a must, but we did it.

achiduck

I totally get where you're coming from. It's not common at all in my area to invite parents friends. Even at weddings that I've been to where the parents paid for 100% of the cost, there were maybe a handful of friends there but they were often family friends that the brie and groom grew up with. 

My Dad is contributing about 25% of the cost of my wedding and FMIL 10%. FI and I are paying for the rest of it. When making up the guest list I asked if they wanted anyone invited and neither of them added any names. 

LizziebeeUT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_something-dont-understand?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:37f3b6e2-fc95-4454-a43e-3734ae16e0d3Post:062bacde-acca-4d96-a1e2-84d177ddbc1e">Re: Something I don't understand...</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally get where you're coming from. It's not common at all in my area to invite parents friends. Even at weddings that I've been to where the parents paid for 100% of the cost, there were maybe a handful of friends there but<strong> they were often family friends that the brie and groom grew up with</strong>.  My Dad is contributing about 25% of the cost of my wedding and FMIL 10%. FI and I are paying for the rest of it. When making up the guest list I asked if they wanted anyone invited and neither of them added any names. 
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

That's what I would think. If its people I'd known growing up, I would be fine inviting them. What I don't get is the mentality that parent's won't be happy, or have fun at their child's wedding if their friends aren't there.

I guess I feel its kind of selfish. We can't afford to invite a countless amount of people. If FMIL invites twenty people, we have to cut twenty off our list. I would rather have friends of mine or FI's than twenty random people from FMIL's church I've never met.

acaponi87

It is common in my area. I guess it is kinda like this:

-a lot of my parents' friends have been around me for a long time. They've become my friends.

-my parents have been invited to many of their friend's childrens weddings and now feel like they need to recipricate.

-they want to show off

FI and I are okay with a bit of this, especially since both our families are contributing financially but we put our foot down when they started to try to invite friends who we barely know.

crash2729

If you are paying for your own wedding tell her she can only have X amount of people anything over that X amount either don't get an invite or she pays for. 

We asked to see if anyone had any "Must invites". We had to cut our list from 150 down to 120 or 125..so a lot of those "Oh well you can invite these people you've never met" got cut first. 

However, I think if parents are paying for the wedding it's nice to let them invite some people. I mean letting someone pay for something and then not letting them invite anyone is a little rude IMO.

VeggieLove1022

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_something-dont-understand?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:37f3b6e2-fc95-4454-a43e-3734ae16e0d3Post:dd5708d2-9003-4b95-a578-fc8d4eccd83e">Re: Something I don't understand...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Something I don't understand... : That's what I would think. If its people I'd known growing up, I would be fine inviting them. What I don't get is the mentality that parent's won't be happy, or have fun at their child's wedding if their friends aren't there. I guess I feel its kind of selfish. We can't afford to invite a countless amount of people.<strong>If FMIL invites twenty people, we have to cut twenty off our list</strong>. I would rather have friends of mine or FI's than twenty random people from FMIL's church I've never met.
Posted by LizziebeeUT[/QUOTE]

This would have changed things though. We had the extra space and money so it wasn't a big deal (and we paid for our wedding by ourselves entirely. I don't want it to come off that we got a huge venue and blew someone else's money). It would depend on my relationship with the possibly cut friends. If they were just so-so aquaintances who I was inviting, yes, I'd cut them so my parents could have some their friends there. If I'm down to cutting my best friends, my parents would have understood. I would take PP's advice and say that you only have x amount of seats left between the parents so choose wisely.

volleygurl0306

I'm with you on this one.  My FIL are giving us a set amount, my parents can't help out, and we have the rest.  My FI comes from a huge extended family (none of whom he's close to).  My parents because they aren't contributing basically said, if you can swing this list of people we'd appreciate it but not necessary.  His mom went crazy with their list (2nd, 3rd cousins and neighbors my FI doesn't know).  I eventually said we appreciate your gift but it only covers x number of people so bw family and friends that's all we can afford to invite.  I excluded people my FI would have invited on his own from their "count."  It was a little tense but my FI doesn't care if these people are there so why pay $100+pp if it's out of our pocket.  Unless people are paying for the entire reception, you have a right to limit them.

JeremyHeartTrena

My Future In-Laws also plan to invite friends of theirs. I see it as a status thing, but I also understand. They talk to these friends about their children all the time. They are excited to see this occasion. When they talk, their friends naturally become interested, and feel a part of it. But my IL have made it clear they will cut any amount they need to for our budget, which I am very grateful for. If myself or my fi haven't at least met the person, we really don't want them there.